atma

A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist. "I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me." Psychiatrist: "Don't you have a phone in your car?" Blonde: "That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car." Psychiatrist: "Uh ... How's that working?" Blonde: "Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet." Psychiatrist: "And why do you think that is?" Blonde: "I figure it's because when I'm driving around, my zip code keeps changing."

Read this question, come up with an answer and then scroll down to the bottom for the result. This is not a trick question. It is as it reads. Only one person that I know came up with the answer and it wasn't me. A woman, while at the funeral of her own mother, met this guy whom she did not know. She thought this guy was amazing, so much her dream guy she believed him to be, that she fell in love with him right there but never asked for his number and could not find him. A few days later she killed her sister. Question: What is her motive in killing her sister? (Give this some thought before you answer) Answer: She was hoping that the guy would appear at the funeral again. If you answered this correctly, you think like a psychopath. This was a test by a famous American Psychologist used to test if one has the same mentality as a killer. Many arrested serial killers took part in the test and answered the question correctly. If you didn't answer the question correctly good for you. If you got the answer correct, please let me know so I can take you off of my e-mail list unless that will tick you off, then I'll just be extra nice to you from now on.

UN Survey Something Interesting, Last month, a survey was conducted by the U.N. worldwide.The only question asked was - "Would you please give your most honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a HUGE failure. * In Africa, they did not know what "food" meant. * In Western Europe they did not know what "shortage" meant. * In Eastern Europe they did not know what "opinion" meant. * In the Middle East they did not know what "solution" meant. * In South America they did not know what "please" meant. * In Asia they did not know what "honest" meant. * And in the USA they did not know what "the rest of the world" meant.

A few good ones at School The following excerpts are actual answers given on history tests and in Sunday school quizzes by children between fifth and 6th grade ages in Ohio. They were collected over a period of three years by two teachers. Read carefully for grammar, misplaced modifiers, and of course, spelling! Enjoy 1. Ancient Egypt was old. It was inhabited by gypsies and mummies who all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere. 2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandos. He died before he ever reached Canada but the commandos made it. 3. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines. He was a actual hysterical figure as well as being in the bible. It sounds like he was sort of busy too. 4. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a young female moth. 5. Socrates was a famous old Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. He later died from an overdose of wedlock which is apparently poisonous. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline. 6. In the first Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits, and threw the java. Everyone was rude and went nude. The games were messier then than they show on TV now. 7. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out: "Same to you, Brutus." 8. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw for reasons I don't really understand. The English and French still have problems. But Joan is dead now and really doesn't care. No doubt God is still talking to her. 9. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen," As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah!" and that was the end of the fighting for a long while. 10. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. 11. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. 12. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper which was very dangerous to all his men, as he really didn't know what he was doing the whole time. 13. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. 14. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Since then no one ever found it. 15. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backward and also declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot stand." He was a naturalist for sure. Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead. 16. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands.. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation. 17. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theatre and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. They believe the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career and Lincoln's. 18. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was very large. 19. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf that he wrote loud music and became the father of rock and roll. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this. 20. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. 21. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbits but I don't know why. 22. Charles Darwin was a naturalist. He wrote the Organ of the Species. It was very long, people got upset about it and had trials to see if it was really true. He sort of said God's days were not just 24 hours but without watches who knew anyhow? I don't get it. 23. Madman Curie discovered radio. She was the first woman to do what she did. Other women have become scientists since her but they didn't get to find radios because they were already taken. 24. Karl Marx was one of the Marx Brothers. The other three were in the movies. Karl made speeches and started revolutions. Someone in the family had to have a good paying job, I guess?

Nothing personal, just a joke... /images/graemlins/wink.gif You want to know how stupid my ex really is? Note, most of these are equal opportunity insults. If your ex is female instead of male, just switch the pronoun. 1. He took a ruler to bed to see how long he slept. 2. He sent me a fax with a stamp on it. 3. He misspells I.Q. 4. He thought Boyz II Men was a day care center and Eartha Kitt was a set of garden tools. 5. Under "education" on his job application, he put "Hooked On Phonics." 6. He tripped over a cordless phone. 7. He spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said "concentrate." 8. At the bottom of the job application where it says "sign here," he put "Sagittarius." 9. He studied for a blood test. 10. When he heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, he moved. 11. He thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company. 12. If he spoke his mind, he'd be speechless. 13. He thought he could only use his AM radio in the morning. 14. He has a shirt that says "TGIF." He thought stood for "This Goes In Front 15. To call him childish is an insult to children everywhere. 16. He has reach rock bottom and started to dig. 17. His gene pool needs chlorination. 18. He’s not so much a has-been as a definitely-won’t-be. 19. He only opens his mouth to change feet. 20. He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle. 21. He has delusions of adequacy. 22. He qualifies as a gross ignoramus; 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus. 23. He would argue with a signpost. 24. He brings a lot of joy, whenever he leaves the room. 25. When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell. 26. If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one. 27. He is a prime candidate for natural de-selection. 28. He is slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter. 29. If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week. 30. If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change. 31. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean. 32. It takes him 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes. 33. If ignorance is bliss, he’s one of the happiest people alive. 34. He stopped to think and forgot to start again. 35. His sole purpose may be to serve as a warning to others. 36. He thinks a...... counts as personal growth. 37. He has an intellect rivaled only by garden tools. 38. He is as smart as bait. 39. In an emergency he can’t dial 911, because there’s no 11 on his phone. 40. He doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair. 41. He forgot to pay his brain bill. 42. His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels. 43. His belt doesn't go through all the loops. 44. If he had another brain, it would be lonely. 45. He is missing a few buttons on his remote control. 46. His receiver is off the hook. 47. He would go surfing in Nebraska. 48. He is an experiment in Artificial Stupidity. 49. He is dumber than a box of lint. 50. He took as IQ test and results came back negative. 51. He is all foam and no beer. 52. He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.

If you can't laugh about this you need help.... This is a supposedly a true story from the Word Perfect help line. Needless to say the help desk employee was fired; however, the person is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "termination without cause". This is from the taped conversation leading up to dismissal : "Word Perfect Technical Desk, may I help you?" "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with Word Perfect." "What sort of trouble?" "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away." "Went away?" "They disappeared." "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?" "Nothing." "Nothing?" "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type." "Are you still in Word Perfect, or did you get out?" "How do I tell?" "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?" "What's a sea-prompt?" "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?" "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type!" "Does your monitor have a power indicator?" "What's a monitor?" "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. "Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?" "I don't know." "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?" "Yes, I think so." "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall." ".......Yes, it is." "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?" "No." "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable." "Okay, here it is." "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer." "I can't reach." "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?" "No." "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?" "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's because it's dark." "Dark?" "Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window." "Well, turn on the office light then." "I can't." "No? Why not?" "Because there's a power outage." "A power... A power outage? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?" "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet." "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from." "Really? Is it that bad?" "Yes, I'm afraid it is." "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?" "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."

He is a nice guy who likes the devotees, Prabhupada's books and chanting. He loves maha-prasadam and bring his girl along for more maha. Why this guest wants to criticize because some famous people come to the temple and have association with devotees? What is wrong is the devotees preach to them? Should the devotees denied access to Prabhupada, deities, prasada and philosophy because of their status? If I see any singer, actor, comedian or even Monica Lewinsky at Govinda's I give the same treatment that anyone else, Prabhupada's bhajans, darshan of the deities throught the Webcam and nice reception. Some of them I recognize and many others I don't, still they will hear Srila Prabhupada. What is wrong if they like it?

Actually Srila Prabhupada had 3 sons and 2 daughters. In my first Ratha Yatra in Calcutta in the 80's I aproached an elderly Bengaly lady and tried to sell a book to her and to my surprise she was Sulaksman, one of Srila Prabhupada's daughters. very charming lady, she was accompanied by her son. Vrindavan De, the youngest son of Srila Prabhupada, has a daughter living in Mayapur, she is initiated and married. Other relatives come very often to the temple. When his wife passed away they brought her body outside the temple and a kirtana party was sent with the family members. Iskcon Calcutta takes care finantially of the living children and they live in a nice apartment in Park Circus.

I know him and his girl friend. I haven't see him around lately, I guess he is in Europe, last time I spoke to him he was looking for the address of Radhadesh in Belgium

I never said the movie was good or bad. Some devotees took offence that they used footage of Srila Prabhupada, others think is good for the purification of the people. You have to see it in the context that what they were trying to say. Chanting was there, ecstatic kirtana and Srila Prabhupada but I think they implied the Hare Krsnas were losers. Steven Spielberg want devotees for his next movie, shooting starts in October, I don't know in what way he'll portray them. Monica Lewinsky came to the store, heard Srila Prabhupada for over an hour and saw the Deities in the webcam. The poor thing she is so infamous, some mercy for her too. Who else came around lately... Megan Mullaly from Will and Grace, Kelly Williams from The Practice, Gia Carderis from The B F Greek Wedding and her husband Tony Lapaglia. People is nice and appreciate the devotees and they repeat the name "Govinda"

I never heard that before. In what book can I read about it?

I never heard that before. In what book can I read about it?

This is a new movie called Dickie Roberts and in the last scene they show footage of Srila Prabhupada coming out of his car and the devotees are chanting.

????????

Tom Cook tapped the taxi driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" Tom Cook apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much. "The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."