confused1974

IS black magic real? This tantra/ tantriks etc aren't they just superstions of our mind. Our mind believes what it percieves to be true. God is supreme and nothing happens without his consent or knowledge, so how can any one harm another person willingly?

Thank you for taking the time to write what you did, jyy. Do you mind sharing your life journey here? it encourages and inspires me when I see people around me able to connect spiritually much more than I am.

Not meaning to sound offensive, don't we need a teacher right from the start? even to learn how to take the first step?

Thank you for your response, any ideas on how to go about finding the right Guru?

I am sorry about your experience but under the circumstances it seems there was nothing you could do. God had other plans for the patient and you were just the bystander. As they say man proposes and God disposes. So I would say just put it in your bag of experiences and transfer all that weight to God. Easier said than done, but giving advices to other people always comes easy to me.

My confusion about religion and God stems from my developing years. I have been in the company of people from almost every religon. I see them being so different yet at the same time so similar. I do believe that there is one God. However I question the origins and authenticiy of all the old epics such as mahabharat and Ramayana. How do we know that they were not glorifed novels written by popular authors at that time. The bible, Quran etc talk totally different origins and Hinduism is so vast. We do not have one such binding factor that we can turn to. We have so many options, its like going to a supermarket and trying to pick the best advertised brand. I feel jealous of my peers who stand fast to their culture and religion. I strongly feel the lack of it, but where do I go? I wish my parent would have felt the need to give me an equal education on this side of life. I have read a lots of posts on this website. There are arguments about who is greater and more powerful vishnu or Shiva and then there are the Devis. I get all the more confused. This democracy is wonderful yet is driving me crazy. I wish I could go back in time to discover the truth on my own.of my But I feel I am yeons away from that kind of enlightenment. I thing I need a really good guidance but I would probably be doubtful of my Guru as well. So I go back to my Karma and I think that is what bothered me the most because i avoided it te other day and I didn't have a backup place to turn to. I hope whoever reads it takes it as a cry for help coming from a confused person. This was not intended to hurt or doubt anyone else's beliefs. and if I did please forgive me as I am still a little child in this matter.

I'm a doctor and I do take care of patients.I apologise for the confusion and I'll try to be as open as I can about myself. BUt I really want to be known as just another person so I did not write much details about my profession. About what happended ysterday all I can say is for the past 4years I have been a sincere(almost) person being religious to my duties as much as I physically could. These last 4 years of training have taught me a lot and made me to be the person I am today. These last 2 weeks of work were quite heavy with everyday weighing up on me. maybe I was just emotionally too drained to be able to give my best. I don't know what led to yesterday. but I do feel that it may have put a spot on my unblemished impression so far. I feel I may not be able to face my colleagues/juniors who had until now looked up to me because of what I did at the end. I feel I may be leaving this place with a negative energy. The worst of all is I don't know if I would still have gone if I were to get another opportunity? SPeaks much about my dedication to my work and patients doesn't it? This incident is weighing so much on me that I am unable to fully enjoy the completion of this journey with my family. I had been looking so forward to this day. I think they are tired of hearing my complaints and feel that I am not doing justice to the present moment. I know that if this time is gone it may not come back ever for me. But I do not know how to rid myself of this weight on my chest and how to not think about what others maybe thinking of me. More to follow....

Thank you all for the replies, I wrote a long note but it got lost in the inter-space some where. I'll try again.

Greetings to all devotees, I am a new member to this site and stumbled upon it when I was looking for spiritual guidance. I am child of the scientific world where I can reason almost any thing .The thing I could not reason with today was the fact that I willingly missed my work where my inner voice kept propelling me to go. I am a doctor by profession and today was my last working day at the hospital. I knew I should have gone but didn't. For most it would not have been a big problem as I have seen my seniors in the past years do that. But I could not reason with my action. And every karma gets rewarded duly with punishments/reward.I am now so disturbed by my action that I feel that all the hard work and possible punya that I had attained by doing my duties sincerely for the past 4years have been washed away with this one action. The guilt is so great that I feel may not be able to enjoy my own graduation for which my family and I had worked so hard. I pray someone here might be able to guide me how to atone for my sin. I feel I am already being punished by it as I do not feel a sense of completeness after my resiency finished. I grew up in a household my father and mother were always focussed in my education and the spiritual part had been ignored. I believe in the supreme and the karma yogi way of life however I doubt everything that I hear. I am unable to reconcile myself to the idea of following one God like krishna or shiva or devi as when I read their mahimas I am unable to reason with their actions. I have been an irregular follower of Sri Sai Ram over the years. I know God has helped me throughout this hard journey in everyway and whenever I asked or even not asked for. But I feel I need a stable strong one course where I can align who I am with Him. I don't know if I made any sense here but just writing in ths spiritual forum is giving me some relief. If I get a reply I would be really blessed. Thank you for reading this post Confused