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Hi all, this is my first post here! this site is pretty cool i have to say, lots of information! The reason for my post... Recently I have been "awakened" so to speak. I refer to the illusion that is the modern world. I have been reading a lot of work by the likes of David Icke, Ian Crane, Michael Tsarion etc and these gentlemen have spent recent times attempting to open the eyes of mankind to the true nature of the world, which is control. This in itself was a huge realisation! Alongside this I have also been discovering about the old "religions" of the world. I have always had a keen interest in Buddhism, though never practiced, but have always attempted to live my life according to the values of truth compassion and tollerance. However I have not always been successful at this, as at times I have succomb to the conditioning of the modern world and just flat ignored those ethics in favour of however my ego was feeling at the time. I put this down to a lack of inspiration and poor moral fibre! But this does not take away from the fact that deep down I've always wanted that connection to something greater than myself! As i said, i have recently discovered the old ways of doing things - Mainly through Shamanism. This seemed to offer me a chanel through which i could perceive of the unknown. But again a lack of discipline and the trappings of the modern world have proved fatefull distractions! So, about a month ago I began noticing an unusual sensation about my person. I was (and still am) feeling like I was going to feint or pass out, whilst being in complete control of everything, the sensation would lessen then hit me hard and this almost dizzying feeling would become close to overwhelming. I have regular hot flushes, ranging from all over my body to just up my back, or around the back of my neck, or just my limbs, no real pattern, just waves of heat randomly. i have been having chest pains, especially round my heart (or on the outter part of my ribcage in that area) and also there's sometimes a burning hot pain in a single point just under my right shoulder blade, which comes and goes randomly. Also something amazing has happened in the last week. As previously stated, i am, or have been a regular guy living in the regular world. Im not a stressy bloke but I am prone to flare ups of anger or frustration, with me throwing a little tantrum being my mean of release! this usually happens 2-5 times a day, depending on my mental state of the day! well, for a week now, I havent been angry once! no stress, no anxiety ( i smoke a lot of weed and this has been a problem in the past) things that would normally cause me to curse and annoy me have been greeted with a genuine instant chuckle! This is massive for me! As i write this i have more of these "waves" of intense warmth pulsing through me. My fiance is pregnant with our first child ( i think she's in the early stages of labour as i write this! AWESOME! ) and whereas in the months leading up to now, i have been unable to really think about the impending birth without HUGE feelings of panic, now I feel a sense of calm (about everything) So, after some searching on the web, regarding matters of spiritual development, i discovered the kundalini. Like the way i felt when i discovered Buddhism and shamanism, something inside me got excited and drew me in! In my enthusiastic haste I have already contacted a guru in india (Guru Madan? anyone heard of him?) who has agreed to grant me shaktipat. though he has not contacted me since the original email. I have begun to meditate with some regularity recently, though having no previous experience of this i have no idea if I'm doing it right? I am using guided meditation tapes at teh mo to get me going andn although it is challenging to try and quiet the "ego" I believe I am making some (slow) progress. either way i will be persuing this further as i already feel the benefit of this. (it has reduced the aforementioned "dizzy" feelings i have experienced recently) So this brings me here. I have found what i have been able to read of Chrism's work is both wise and profound. I have looked at (and d/l'd) his safeties which will be studied further also! I have spent a lot of time searching the interweb for local teachers to me but alas have come up short, it seems Plymouth (in the uk) is a black hole for spiritual development! So i am back to thinking that receiving Shaktipat remotely could be my best option, as i am unemployed and as you know i should be a new dad in a matter of days/hours! So i am here for some advice guys! i feel i am on this journey now and i wont stop til i reach my destination, as the world holds nothing for me in its present incarnation! I want to be able to my daughter about the beauty of the orld without it being part of the conceptualisation i have previously had! I dont want her growing up like everyone else concerned with macdonalds or her mobile phone or whats happening in the soaps. this was the world i was born into and it has left me unfulfilled until now. I welcome opinions on whether these physical manifestations are relevant to the kundalini or if you think im gonna keel over tomorrow and croak! lol (lets hope not!) And opinions on how i can develop myself further with restricted resources and lack of a good teacher locallly! Right sorry for such a big post! hope you havent all fallen asleep! Much love and thanks Mike