RE: () Anger

[Guest guest]

Dear Jerry,

 

I read your post below on anger the day you wrote it but did not have time

to

respond. I thought about it all weekend.

 

When you were angry with Jan, I thought that was uncharacteristic. But I

don't

think there is anyone on this list, Jan included, who is not aware of the

difficult things you have been through of late, and the inclination of

myself

and I am sure everyone on the list it to bear with you in loving support.

It is

good that we have a place in this satsangh to open up to our difficulties

and

get a bit out of control when necessary and know this is a safe place to do

it.

 

You remember how hot and hostile things used to get on the K list a year or

so

ago, the raging arguments? It drove a number of people off the list

regularly.

One of the beautiful things about this group, , is the close,

supportive community Harsha has nurtured through his love and affection for

us

all. He makes us all feel that we are close to his heart and our well being

is

a central concern. This kind of supportive, communicative feeling grew

enormously after the retreat some lucky members took this summer; it has

been a

pleasure to watch that grow.

 

I was reading Pema Chodron's book, The Wisdom of No Escape last night. In

it

she spoke of the sangha (below) and I thought of you, Jerry, and the opening

up

we saw you go through in your post. We all think of you with love and

support,

even when you are real pissed off.

 

"Taking refuge in the sangha means taking refuge in the brotherhood and

sisterhood of people who are committed to taking off their armor. If we

live in

a family where all the members are committed to taking off their armor, then

one

of the most powerful vehicles of learning how to do it is the feedback that

we

give one another, the kindness that we show to one another."

 

All the best to you, Jerry,

 

Jill

______________________________ Reply Separator

_________________________________

() Anger

Author: "GCWein1111" <GCWein1111 at OFFICE

10/12/00 1:50 PM

 

 

As l'm sure some noticed, l had a nasty exchange with Jan a couple days

ago. That is, as least, my part was nasty. And l've been reflecting on it

 

ever since. Of course, l regret this, but there are feelings that have made

it difficult to say anything.

l have been relatively silent on the list in

order to focus more on my process. l've buried alot of people lately. With

each loss l've felt more aware of a sense of time passing and of my deep

frustration as a result of the physical effects of k. lt's about more than

dreams dying, which is hard enough. lt's about how small my life feels;

about how minimal its impact has been on the world around me.

 

l'm a little embarrassed to be talking about this, because everyone has paid

 

a price in order to be where they are. l'm not complaining, and l'm aware

that l'm only talking about one aspect of a vast realm that makes discussing

 

my pain seem silly at best.

 

But the wound is nevertheless real and deep, and

that's what caused me to respond the way l did. When it feels like someone

is

assuming the role of teacher and being condescending to me about my process

without knowing me or my situation in depth, l feel like grabbing them by

the

throat and strangling them. lt's the last thing l want from anyone. l've

 

been thru it too many times. Compassion is good. Respect is better. The rest

 

is secondary to me.

l don't even know Jan --

don't even know for certain how the words were intended - -- only how they

felt to me. So this is probably more about me than anyone else -- and is an

attempt to briefly explain my reaction, not to justify it. Generally, l make

 

an effort not to offend people on any list in which l'm a member. l

particularly regret that it happened here, where Harsha has done so much to

create an atmosphere of congeniality.

 

Anger is often helpful to me in breaking thru

barriers. l'd like to get back to focusing on using it for that, rather than

 

upsetting others. Hope this helps a little.

 

love,

jerry

 

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