In a nut shell (or am I nuts?)

[Guest guest]

Dear So & So,

 

You asked:

> And, you?

 

Am 56, born in Delft, Holland, hunger winter child, 5 early Near Death

Experiences before I was six, many out of body experiences, nightmarish

memories. Left to die in a German occupied sanatorium, remember all details,

was only about 10 months old. (Have compassionately worked it out with the

German overseer about 4 years ago.) Loving father, loving mother (?)... He

could fly off the handle, almost strangled me, banged in my head, almost set

me on fire. She was cold and unfeeling... I thought. She sang a lot of songs

with me. I was always so sad. Came to love them both very much. Got molested

various times, uncle, pastor. (Worked that out compassionately four years

ago as well). Discovered that I was clairvoyant when I was 8 years old.

Nobody could relate to me. When I was 13, I helped my dad through a deep

depression, him suicidal, my mother had no inkling of it, she was jealous. I

was very religious, spiritual, had enormous love for Christ, Mary, Elijah.

Five brothers, one sister. Father (86) died last year, very beautiful.

Mother still strong (84) will visit us in Canada next year. Studied to be an

elementary school teacher before I was 19. Became a Trappist monk when I was

19 after long and deep extatic cosmic experiences. Very artistic, sculpting,

poetry, music. Met three angels in the moors of southern Holland while I was

digging for clay. After +/- 3 years in monastery became artistically very

active until I met my wife, Emmy. Soul to soul contact, married soon after

in 1968. Lived in a chicken house in southern part of rural Holland (Van

Gogh country). Started guru career (hehehe). Immigrated to Canada in 1971

for seclusion, started from scratch again, lived in tent for three months in

the woods, build little cabin, build large house four-handedly (it took

myself and Emmy 4.5 years). Guru stuff again around 1975. Worked in a

factory to support ourselves. Factory Guru, neat stuff, dangerous stuff.

Various deep satoris, enlightenments. 1975, Kundalini struck, put purposely

on hold, I had a plan... 1977, our son Emanuel was born, home birth in

cabin, flocks of angels. His up-bringing was totally radical and

experimental... we did as little as we could... grass grows by itself... He

is a fantastic person, got enlightened when he was 17 while on trip through

Holland with us. What a treat for parents. Started a Montessori school

around him when he was about 5 years old in a basement. It grew into a

school of 150 children. Was vice principal, too political, eventually

dropped out. Started an experiment to try to destroy myself to see if there

is an innate self healing mechanism in us that can emotionaly, mentally,

spiritually heal us. (The Kundalini process that I had put on hold before.)

Did pretty well anything bad that could be done badly, except for killing

human beings. Had pedophile tendencies, homosexual practices. Good thing

there were three angels looking over my shoulders and protecting the little

children. Hardest time in my life, very dangerous. Became succesful software

and computer training company instructor and manager. After 13 years of the

self destructive experiment, (God are we ever resilient) Kundalini struck

again... AHA, that is the self healing mechanism. Took 960 days, plus 40

days in the 'desert' for temptations. Second hardest time in my life... no

morals, no rules. E.g., when I had to drive a car I did not even see the

traffic lights or lines on the road, could not obey any rules, had to

manoever just by the seat of my pants, was actually safer than one fears to

believe. After that, another 12 days for messianic style bodhisattva

development. Was in Italy with Emmy and Emanuel about 4.5 years ago when I

went through 6 hours of the most intense ecstacy, holy spirit, divine

wisdom, eternal being, recovery of divinity. Near death experience in

Holland a few days later... Was not allowed to 'pass on', those three angels

kept sending me back. Emmy was happy about that. (Actually, in retrospect at

some points she was not too happy about that, is OK now.) Enormous spells of

the most intense love, human, cosmic, divine, like what happened when I was

19. Often almost too much, had to intensively ground myself. Visionary

episodes in my life, remembered the agony and death of Jesus. Remember being

on the cross myself. (Strange thing, that cross, not at all as traditionally

depicted.) Remember to be John (the apostle), the grief and grieving when my

very best friend Jesus had died we thought. We did not understand him one

bit, really, the weeping, sobbing. Remember Jesus's transfiguration with

Moses and Elijah, me just a young kid. Remember Adam's Eden episode and his

kundalini experience. Remembered the origin of creation, the most wonderful

and humorous instant. Am able to transmigrate into other bodies,

transmigrate into a grain of sand for example. Can astral travel inside the

human body. Frequent realms that we used to call hell, purgatory, hades.

Participate in Christ's liberation of eternally doomed souls (that is what

they were forced to think by malicious judgemental human beings), the most

wonderful work there is. Had the seventh Near Death Experience in Denver

(after the school shootings there, approx. 1.5 years ago), was allowed to

return into God, was totally on my way... decided not to carry on, it (?)

could indeed wait, life is love, fun, bliss and glorious, returned back to

life to take up bodhisattva hood. Am typing this to you, am considering to

send this to the satsangh, Sri Yantra and Kundalini group as well.

 

Love,

Wim

[Guest guest]

Dear Wim,

 

Such incredible extremes of hellish and heavenly experiences... you must be very

strong.

 

Thank you for your open heart,

 

Love, Gloria