Guest guest Posted December 13, 2000 Report Share Posted December 13, 2000 Hbarrett47 [Hbarrett47] In a message dated 12/13/00 4:50:46 AM Mountain Standard Time, JB789 writes: << I do not quite know how to formulate my question,.. but perhaps 'what's all this, .. or what was the point of that,.. that passed away in a flash ?!'. >> Holly responded: Our failings and recoveries and learnings are the fuel that runs the universe. Nothing is lost and nothing is without meaning. More and more frequently, I see my life as God does, a remarkable, complex, and moving tangle of human emotion, desire, and love. The metaphor is stale, but you know how you can love and root for a character in a movie or book? You can feel this way about yourself, too (as we do when we are identified with divinity), but it requires that you relinquish shame and honor yourself for all the effort. Being a human being is no easy task. If you can forgive and love yourself from a more impersonal place (but no less tender), you can see that all there was was God, anyway. Love, Holly ____________ Thank you for sharing JB the deeply moving account and story of your ex wife. And yes, the letters. How we look at them differently after many years and see how rich our vocabulary was when we were very young and how richness of words can both uplift us and others or diminish us and others as well. I understand that from personal experience, having been both on the giving and receiving end. I suspect we all understand. That is just part of our humanity JB and perhaps we have no choice but to understand our humanity, accept it, and have compassion for ourselves. In that context Holly's response is marvelous and beautiful. Thank you Holly, Jan, and also Gloria Greco (welcome again Gloria) for responding with richness of your own experience and the depth of your insights to JB's post. Sharing can be healing as we are all one in humanity and our experiences have a common ground. As you speak from the heart, you bless yourself and bless us as well by opening us to our heart. That is indeed both beautiful and healing for us all. Thank your for that With gratitude and love to all Harsha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 14, 2000 Report Share Posted December 14, 2000 Namaste JB et al, There has to be an instrument in the action and reaction. She had to receive your rather egotistic letters, you had to send them. There is no point in University, looking back to how you behaved in kindergarten or primary school of life, it won't measure up. You cannot beat yourself over the head for something that happened or seemed to happen. It would happen anyway, one has to draw the lesson and an attitude from it. One has to either accept or not accept the karma, depending on whether one thinks one is the "doer", Who does this, who receives it, who am I? Even in your egotistic letters there is the opportunity for your wife to think about what she thinks is right. Therefore she learns from your ignorance. Action/Reaction. We do not own any of our thoughts, our mind goes out and grabs them, so to speak. One has to surrender to the universal doer, and realise one is not the doer, and can only change our attitude to what is happening not change the action. So by adjusting attitude we learn compassion, forearance and compassion, and stop being a shit to oneself and everyone else!!! In the end result the only thing that matters is the obvious love that existed. Just my opinion, I am also a shit. Om Namah Sivaya, Tony. , "J B" <JB789@h...> wrote: > Hi > > I do not quite know how to formulate my question,.. but > perhaps 'what's all this, .. or what was the point of that,.. that > passed away in a flash ?!'. > > To clarify this question, I'll have to use a life-story. > If you consider personal life-stories, as mere indulgence in ego- > glorification or self-pity and look upon them with detachement and as > worthless, then perhaps it would be good to inform you that it would > probably be best, that you skip the rest. > > > After the death of my ex-wife, 1 month ago, at the invitation of her > sister, I was offered to look thru some of her things and take some, > if I so wished. She(her sister) also gave me a bag with various > things, which, upon coming home, I found to be many pictures taken > during our 25 years' firendship and some letters(from me), which > apparently my ex-wife thought them to be significant enough, to be > kept. > > The contents of the letters, written 25 years ago, had a somewhat > shocking effect. > I was surprized by my indulgence in verbalization. My vocabulary was > very rich indeed, compared to my present one. > The content itself was quite horrifying. A mixture of 'love' with > lots of teasing bordering on sarcasm, ill intentions to hurt her, > manipulations of words .. much being infused with conceptual > knowledge of 'self-knowing, spirituality' used as a power-tool in > relating, and a certain amount of gross insults of a rather vicious > type. > All this, not a preety picture to look at, under the present > circumstances. > That certainly, was not 'love'. > (At least, not the kind that I've felt for her during the last some > years... where just by being, without demands, sharing life-Presence, > would be enough.) > It was a movement in ego-survival, pleasure, insecurity and all that > wrapped in a nice and arrogant and head-banging/heart- > stabbing, 'spiritual' jargon. > > And now I got the feedBack. > And I wonder whether I have really changed.. > > > Looking at the picutures, I was wondering(about JB) ..'Who was That, > and Who is This gray-haired with bigger belly, now ?'.. > And who was that slim and smiling pretty person..? .. have I ever > really known/met her ?.. > And who was the bloated-body (due to the medicine she got, against > cancer brain-pains ?) > whom I've seen during the last few weeks of her life ? > Some of the pictures, had parts cut off,.. in those pictures of > her,.. I noticed my arm around her shoulder, but I, was missing. I > suddenly was shocked into remembering that, it was I, who has done > the cutting,.. out of anger at the time of separation, 10 years ago. > > And now I got the feedback. > > > > What was all that ?! > Whatever it was, it has disappeared. > > _Everything_ is apparently, slowly but surely and irreversibly, > Devoured.. by time. > Everything.. withers away ! > > When one looks at a life fragment, such as the above, it generates a > certain insecurity, .. > insecurity in the tradition of worshiping this 'me and mine'. > There seems to be No way, to Secure Anything. > What is really the point at using such tremendous amounts of energy, > attempting to do so ? > > > Everytime, a near one or even an acquaintance has died, the mirror > seems always to be stating: > '..you have missed the mark.. again,.. > your priorities have been rather faulty, have'nt they..again,.. > you have not really loved, have you,.. > _again_ ?' > > > So, -What do we actually have ? > Perhaps only this moment, and the Mystery of all that is being > displayed before our eyes,.. at this moment, only. > And the possibility to love. > > Without that, life is a flash of a desert > populated by floating-by zombies, whom > the I-zombie turns into objects of > I-meditation and kicking/grabbing and survival... > .. but which zombies, keep on evaporating and disappearing > into the heat of the sun.. > perhaps with the exception of the I-zombie, who believes in > its immortality... > and keeps on being reborn, > again and again. > > jb. 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