re names and being

[Guest guest]

Dear Linda,

 

I am so glad you are here. You are sweet and wise and quite wonderful.

 

Eric Mar Sea Otter wrote:

>>

 

Don't forget me. (how could you...) I almost lost my

identity this

weekend. <<

 

I have watched this dance of names with interest, Sea,

and I don't think I

truly understood how serious and intense this was for

you

 

To be honest, I don't either. I find myself strongly split in a number

of ways. I've for awhile felt that the only answer to any interesting

"either/or" question is "both". so...

 

. So if I responded

too much in a spirit of play, I hope you will forgive

me.

 

No way, maam... There is nothing to forgive. Was I serious about my

process, or was I playing? Both. (Michael Read, who if you don't know

yet, is a pretty wonderful guy who plays here too, calls me Loki - the

Norse trickster god. Yup. nope... hmmm....) Certainly a part of this

was tricking myself (and then implicating you all in the process... hee,

hee)

 

\Is there any way

for you to share your experience of this with us?

 

I'm not sure I can now. That was then and now is now and I am in a very

different place now than I was then. I am truly exploring identity and

wondering how much what I have done and experienced thus far in this

life plays a role in that. Sometimes it's a lot, and sometimes that

just seems funny. I am glad that I no longer have to do research, and I

am so disappointed that I can no longer do research. I feel freed by my

impending job loss and I feel like a complete failure for losing this

job. I am excited about the future and I am terrified about the future.

Which is real? both. How calmly can I sit in this maelstrom of

conflicing emotions? Very and not at all (at different times of

course). Whew, it's an adventure indeed. On the list, I express it as I

feel it and what is so wonderful is that the sangha that Harsha has

initiated here can absorb all that and still be kind and loving to me.

YUM! (and thanks)

 

You talked a bit about a

new self being born, and I am aware from my own

experience that, before birth

there is death. I have even been through some (in the

shamanic

context...symbolic) death and rebirth experiences.

I have discovered recently that my recounting of these

is sometimes

disturbing to others, which was a big surprise, since,

to me, I understand

the context and ultimately welcome them. (This takes

nothing away from the

fact that, in the moment, they can feel terrifying.)

 

Yes. Me too. What I find most helpful in this commentary is that there

isn't one, but that we may experience many such experiences.

 

Sometimes when I am

attempting to relate to what someone here has said, I

feel like a Myna bird

going "ack, ack, ack" or perhaps that I am speaking

gibberish and making no

sense. These topics and experiences are so LARGE and

multiFACETED and layered

with both personal and universal MEANING.

 

Yes, Me too. No, wait, what I mean to say is YES, MEEEEEE TOOOOOOO!!!!!!

(amen, sister!)

 

Blessings to you...

 

Thanks. You too.

 

and, I believe

that to be associated with the Sea is an enourmous

gift.

 

Again, Amen. (I've always loved that my last name is otter. What a

cool grab bag of associations there is there!)

 

 

Shanti ~ Linda

 

Love, Mark