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Dear Friends,

I posted this to Jerrys non-duality list

and am repeating it here

because I feel it has something for us also.

Hope you find some value . . .

 

Lobster

(send blank email to )

eXXo-

 

 

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What is Spiritual Abuse?

Uzma Mazhar

 

Johnson & VanVonderen use following 7 criteria to

identifying the abusive system. These criteria can be used

in a wide range of systems, from families and groups to

organizations, to see if they are abusive

 

Power-Posturing

Performance Preoccupation

Unspoken Rules

Lack of Balance

Paranoia

Misplaced Loyalty

Secretive

 

Spiritual (religious) abuse occurs when a leader uses his

or her spiritual (religious) position to control or

dominate another person.

 

Spiritual abuse occurs when shame is used in an attempt

to get someone to support a belief, or.to fend off

legitimate questions.

 

When your words and actions tear down another, or attack

or weaken a person's standing to gratify you, your

position or your beliefs, while at the same time

weakening or harming another - that is spiritual abuse.

 

Power-posturing simply means that leaders spend a lot of

time focused on their own authority and reminding others of it,

as well. This is necessary because their spiritual

authority isn't real-based on genuine godly character-it is postured.

Those who are in positions of true leadership demonstrate

authority, spiritual power, and credibility by their lives and

message.

 

There are spiritual systems in which the members are

there to meet the needs of the leader. These leaders

attempt to find fulfillment through the religious

performance of the very people whom they are there to serve and

build. It is spiritual abuse.

 

If obedience and service is flowing out of you as a

result of your dependence on God alone, you won't keep

track of it with an eye toward reward, you'll just do

it. But if you're preoccupied with whether you've done

enough to please God, then you're not looking at Him,

you're looking at your own works. And you're also

concerned about who else might be looking at you,

evaluating you. Why would anyone keep track of their

'godly' behavior unless they were trying to earn

spiritual points because of it?

 

It is dishonest - even dangerous - simply to receive and

act upon a spiritual directive because you are

'supposed to be submissive', or because someone is 'in

authority'. In the end, God is the One before whom we

must all stand, the one to whom we must answer.

 

Some of the unspoken rules that leaders use to exercise

control are:

Do not disagree with the authorities or your loyalty will

be suspect.

It is better to be nice than honest.

If you speak about the problem out loud, you are the

problem.

 

The truth is, when people talk about problems out loud,

they don't cause them, they simply expose them. Rules

like this remain unspoken, because examining them in the

light of mature dialogue would instantly reveal how

illogical, unhealthy and unethical they are. So silence

becomes the fortress wall of protection, shielding the

leader's power position from scrutiny or challenge. The

real problem, however, is that if a person who feels

violated stops talking, then the perpetrator will never

be held accountable for his behavior.

 

A characteristic of spiritually abusive systems is that a

misplaced sense of loyalty is fostered and even

demanded. We're not talking about loyalty to God, but

about loyalty to a given organization or leader.

 

A common way this is accomplished is by setting up a

system where disloyalty to or disagreement with the

leadership is construed as the same thing as disobeying

God. Questioning leaders is equal to questioning

God. After all, the leader is the authority, and

authority is always right. This causes people to misplace their

loyalty in a leader or an organization.

 

There are three factors that come into play here, adding

up to misplaced loyalty.

 

First, leadership projects a 'we alone are right'

mentality, which permeates the system. Members must remain

in the system if they want to be 'safe,' or to stay 'on

good terms' with God, or not to be viewed as wrong or

'strayed.'

 

The second factor that brings about misplaced loyalty is

the use of 'scare tactics.' For example conveying the

impression that:

God is going to withdraw His Spirit from you and your

family.

God will destroy your business.

Without our protection, Satan will get your children.

You and your family will come under a curse.

 

The third method of calling forth misplaced loyalty is

the threat of humiliation. This is done by publicly shaming,

exposing, or threatening to remove people from the group.

 

In the abusive system, it is the fear of being exposed,

humiliated or removed that insures your proper allegiance,

and insulates those in authority. You can be 'exposed'

for asking too many questions, for disobeying the

unspoken rules, or for disagreeing with authority. People

are made public examples in order to send a message

to those who remain.

 

When you see people in a religious system being secretive

-watch out. People don't hide what is appropriate;

they hide what is inappropriate.

 

One reason spiritually abusive families and mosques are

secretive is because they are so image conscious.

People in these systems can't even live up to their own

performance standards, so they have to hide what is

real. Some believe they must do this in order to protect

God's good name. So how things look and what others

think becomes more important than what's real. They

become God's 'public relations agents.' The truth is,

He's not hiring anyone for this position!