Speaking versus Silencing/Church related

[Guest guest]

Recently I have been bombarded, for a lack of a better word, from well

intentioned members from my church... I have not attended church on a

regular basis since January. And have not been there for 6 weeks at

all.

I find myself pondering the risk of speaking my truth.. Is it worth

it? Or is just knowing the truth, well enough? I am raising 3

children, and with my own personal changes recognize an openness in

my children as well... There is a joy in them in sharing what they

"feel" is truth... Yet it is causing some troubles with neighbors..

And I feel a motherly protectiveness, and am not sure whether to

shush them, or explain why we need to be careful what we say, or just

allow their truth to be expressed and let the chips fall where they

may.

I used to think it was hard being a parent... And not a little amount

of guilt I layed on my head for perceived infractions in their

discipline and in the way I was raising them... I used to feel guilt

for punishing them, and then feel guilt for not punishing

them...Programs all programs. Is my need to protect them a program?

Maybe so, but isnt it my "job" to provide a safe environment for them

to express their true selves?

On a similar note, with the well meaning members of our church, they

are attempting to make me feel guilty for not being where they feel I

should be. And in a way, I'm realizing that perhaps I am letting them

affect me. I have not stood firm in my resolve to leave, letting it

all hang in the air. Not fully committing one way or another to

choosing. And in a small way, feel that I have disappointed them, and

in doing so have disappointed their god.. Now reason tells me, my

feelings are ridiculous. That I am only disappointing myself in

remaining, and am not listening to the Beloved I when he has been

telling me for weeks to let it go.

Thanks for letting me share. In the sharing, I have resolved what

needs to be done. But feel free to share anything you think might be

helpful regarding children.

Love, Lynette