Wim's Self Destruction / Self Restoration Account

May 31, 2001

Dear List,

Someone asked me:

>In complete bewilderment, I ask...... "What is the difference between

you and I?

Oh dear, do not make it a big thing, the difference is only one of

function not of significance. It has simply to do with 'circumstance',

location, time and people...

Where-you-are,-when-and-with-whom.

Where-I am,-when-and-with-whom.

'Circumstance' changes, function changes. Being is the same... Love is

the same... Truth is the same...

I was aware of the fact that writing my account the way I did, was not

necessarily a good thing, but I wrote it anyway as what I wrote

concerning myself is only history, no more, just the past, a record of

how I got to being this...

The past, everybody's past shows the history of the loss and the

rediscovery of their original unconditionality. My way is different from

others and others' ways are different from mine. There is a difference

but not one of lesser or greater quality or importance.

There is no merit nor demerit in HOW we get to that original

unconditionality. There is no significance in HOW we restore ourselves.

The restoration of SELF is very often the reversal in time of how we

lost it. There is nothing special to learn from my past, ONLY that it

came out all right, guaranteed, which I knew beforehand, there was

nothing to lose, SELF to gain.

What I wanted to show as well was that I am an ordinary person, as hurt

as anybody, as hurting as anybody, as manipulated as anybody as

manipulative as anybody... Maybe a little more creative and daring.

Nothing to be copied or admired, judged about or taken seriously... of

course not. Just an account to have others like myself recognize

themselves and help them find understanding, patience... and foremost

confidence that nothing can go wrong.

My intent WAS to find out HOW we get into and out off illusion in

today's world, by trying to understand today's dynamics, so that we

could use contemporary words that apply in today's circumstances... We

cannot keep using use the old confusing often contradictory terminology,

concepts and paradigms.

Regarding your question about anger and happiness, passion...

> Do you ever get angry anymore Wim???

> Does that "emotion" still happen even

> with people like you? Just like emotions filled

> with passion, or emotions of happiness, or

> emotions of sadness...... does anger still come?

> Is it something to live with? or will it go away?

> And if it does... does all the other emotion go as well...

Now only an irreversible and steady state of bliss from which life

celebrates itself...

No, I cannot get angry anymore as there is no need for anger anymore.

How to get to that though?

One may (actually one has to) structure one's life in such a way that

anger cannot arise anymore... The power to restructure one's life

originally starts with a valid righteous anger (a survival instinct)

aimed at the unfairness (of and from manipulation) against oneself. A

special strength comes from that restored fairness. (A personal birth

right not to be lost when one gives birth.)

Through that strength from restored fairness self-doubt disappears. Also

clear understanding and compassion for the original cause of unfairness

will arise. Insight into the dynamics of unfairness against oneself (and

the manipulation that one was forced to accept) makes one powerful in a

different manner, different from the initial righteous anger, as it is

now from self affirmation and conviction. Righteous anger gets

transformed into a positive life force. Anger disappears once doubt has

gone, once the conviction of fairness to oneself steers every action.

Initially all this is primarily for oneself... that is very important,

one should not prematurely be concerned with unfairness done to others.

That will only develop once one is done with oneself. If not, chances

that another round of manipulation will occur are great. A strong Mother

Teresa kind of love has to manifest itself before we can concern

ourselves with others and their plight. We are not to use "goody goody l

ove based on pity and sympathy for the unfortunate". With strong love

one does NOT say, "Oh poor you, I feel so sorry for you." No, one stands

up against malice in a powerful way, unjudgeable and convincing.

Once doubt and pity have gone, once the conviction of fairness to

oneself steers your every action, manipulators will normally drive

themselves away.

When that does not happen, which is of course possible, one is obliged

to turn oneself away from them... not with a tired warning like, "If you

keep using or abusing me, I will leave," but with a conviction that

says, "When you are about to (ab)use me again, I go... Your manipulation

and threats do not get you anywhere... that is over. You don't even get

a last chance, this is not a warning... this is it. You start changing

right now for the good and work at it, or... I leave for good."

That leaving is not a flight, it is survival for truth and love and self

integrity.

Ok, the above is expressed quite strongly, one has to tailor it to the

person who it is directed to. To a child one will use different words

but the ultimatum has to be as strong and unwavering...

Love, Wim

May 31, 2001

Wim:

> Once doubt and pity have gone, once the conviction of fairness to oneself

steers your every action, manipulators will normally drive themselves away.

When that does not happen, which is of course possible, one is obliged to

turn oneself away from them... not with a tired warning like, "If you keep

using or abusing me, I will leave," but with a conviction that says, "When

you are about to (ab)use me again, I go... Your manipulation and threats do

not get you anywhere... that is over. You don't even get a last chance, this

is not a warning... this is it. You start changing right now for the good

and work at it, or... I leave for good." That leaving is not a flight, it is

survival for truth and love and self integrity.

Very well put Wim, thank you.

My own mind has been a spectacular example when it comes to manipulating me

into 'sainthood', trying to mold my actions according to a certain model it

had conceived as the 'right kind of enlightened behavior'. This model did

not allow for self defense, did not allow for self importance, not for self

integrity, in fact, not for any kind of behavior that even remotely

'smelled' like something that had to do with some kind of (supposedly)

nonexistent 'self'. Of course... you can guess, this supplied a fertile

ground for my nonexistent 'self' to be abused, manipulated and taken

advantage of. Leaving the mind wondering: 'huh?.... and they all told me I

didn't exist...."

This is the trap of conceptual nonduality, where the mind picks up only one

part of the two sided coin, and (mis)takes that part for reality.

But like you said yourself, nothing ever really goes wrong... there is

nothing to lose, no matter how crazy we act, no matter what concepts we

follow or how many times we have to wake up again. There is only self to

gain, which is what we are all the time anyway.

Love,

Mira

May 31, 2001

Thank you Mira and Wim for sharing your experience and wisdom.

Love to all

Harsha

Mirror [mirror]