Guest guest Posted June 15, 2001 Report Share Posted June 15, 2001 Dog Haiku -Author Unknown I love my master; Thus I perfume myself with This long-rotten squirrel. I lie belly-up In the sunshine, happier than You ever will be Today I sniffed Many dog behinds-I celebrate By kissing your face. I sound the alarm! Paper boy-come to kill us all Look! Look! Look! Look! Look! I sound the alarm! Garbage man-come to kill us all Look! Look! Look! Look! Look! I lift my leg and Whiz on each bush. Hello, Spot-- Sniff this and weep How do I love thee? The ways are numberless as My hairs on the rug. My human is home! I am so ecstatic I have Made a puddle I Hate my choke chain Look, world, they strangle me! Ack Ack Ack Ack Ack Ack! Sleeping here, my chin On your foot -- no greater bliss -- well, Maybe catching rats Dig under fence -- why? Because it's there. Because it's There. Because it's there. I am your best friend, Now, always, and especially When you are eating. Look in my eyes and Deny it. No human could Love you as much I do My owners' mood is Romantic- I lie near their feet. I fart a big one. The cat is not all Bad -- she fills the litter box With Tootsie Rolls ------- Cat Haiku -Author Unknown You never feed me. Perhaps I'll sleep on your face. That will sure show you. You must scratch me there! Yes, above my tail! Behold, elevator butt. The rule for today Touch my tail, I shred your hand. New rule tomorrow. In deep sleep hear sound cat vomit hairball somewhere will find in morning. Grace personified. I leap into the window. I meant to do that. Blur of motion, then -- silence, me, a paper bag. What is so funny? The mighty hunter Returns with gifts of plump birds -- Your foot just squashed one. You're always typing. Well, let's see you ignore my sitting on your hands. My small cardboard box. You cannot see me if I can just hide my head. Terrible battle. I fought for hours. Come and see! What's a 'term paper'? Kitty likes plastic Confuses for litter box Don't leave tarp around I want to be close to you. Can I fit my head inside your armpit? Wanna go outside. Oh, shit! Help! I got outside! Let me back inside! Oh no! Big One has been trapped by newspaper! Cat to the rescue! Humans are so strange. Mine lies still in bed, then screams My claws are not that sharp. Cats meow out of angst "Thumbs! If only we had thumbs! We could break so much!" Litter box not here You must have moved it again I'll crap in the sink The Big Ones snore now Every room is dark and cold Time for "Cup Hockey" We're almost equals I purr to show I love you Want to smell my butt? Small brave carnivores Kill pine cones and mosquitoes Fear vacuum cleaner Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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