My deepest journey.

[Guest guest]

For 40 years I have been searching .. but for a long time I didn't

even know what I was looking for .. "god", "priest", "mentor",

career, partner, marriage, children .. I was stopped at every turn.

 

I didn't even know what it was I was looking for .. until finally,

the vision through my eyes changed dramatically .. and I had no

option but to focus my mind inward .. and shift my vision from

outward searching to inner accepting ..

 

I have shook with the vibration of knots being released from every

part of my body .. there has been no pain like this release that I

have ever known .. black shadowy figures and beings of light .. all

rising from within my own body. I wondered many times when I would

die ..

 

and always the tears .. and with them all of the emotions that I have

ever before experienced .. and then some ..

 

as far as I had ever looked outside my self for answers, I was taken

inwards. I had no choice.

 

and then .. the absolute stillness of being consumed in the living

dancing indigo blackness of what my vision saw as an inner living

flame ..

 

 

All opposites existing in each and every cell of my body. They make

up me .. but they are not me. The nuclei of every cell is cloaked in

living indigo .. and is the absolute essence of my Being ..

and is that which I have been Seeking.

 

 

Attack/repel. The unconscious battle cry of millennia of the

attraction and repulsion of opposites.

Both the nuclear DNA and the mtDNA being made twice the aberration

when the covenant of blood with an external god made finding one's

'core' even more remote and arduous.

 

 

The core of every cell .. every frozen gene .. in my body was marked

with a blood covenant and my potential barred to my mind. It was

relatively easy to penetrate the exterior trappings of mtDNA (my

maternal line of ancestors), past lives, reincarnations, soul choices

.. all part of my genetic memories .. memories which came from the

cells of my unconscious body/mind. But, for me, it was almost

impossible to penetrate the 'core' (where the paternal line lay

hidden by Mother).

 

This has, in the past, almost only been possible at the moment of

conception and death .. setting up a closed inward loop of

reincarnation to try and remember what was forgotten at birth and

remembered at death .. too late ..

 

 

My very core was sheathed in an ancient covenant with a god who

demanded mutilations of the male's external life force symbol ..

without which there would be no continuation of the genetic line.

 

The nuclei of every cell in my body was tainted by the original

covenant .. surrounded and re-enforced by the genetic code of silence

among women of their grief of the defilement of male.. and for some

also, the circumcision defilement of the female.

 

 

When Eve was cursed, so was Adam. The circumcision of male

effectively circumcised female too .. and the mark of Cain is the

grief of remembering that almost every child carries.

Another gate that was barred to the Garden.

 

Another layer of encoding .. and underneath it all .. Shamballah, the

Promised Land, Heaven? NO

 

Access to the core of my Being .. the last veil to drop.

And what do I find there?

Silence .. Stillness .. No-Thing.

 

All the screaming, the 'noise' encoded in the mtDNA stops. A still

point. A gateway to the eternity of beingness. No God. Nothing. Words

are a limitation. Even to speak the word is a separation from the

still point. I sit in the silence .. and breathe.

 

Just in and out breath and the sound of the silence. Breath and

sound. The Sacred Fire. My Core. Innocence that has no name and

cannot be owned.

 

 

Breath and hissing sound sheathed by the mtDNA carrying all of the

genetic memories of every sentient being who walked the earth .. all

of my ancestors right back to the beginning ..

 

The screaming of the mtDNA was deafening and this was the cry that

has screamed in me for so long that "there must be more to this life

.. must be something else ..it can't be all there is .." and pushed

me to remember.

 

 

To remember and honour the silence in the core of every cell of my

body and the space from which I came ..

No light .. just the soft indigo luminous glow of the darkness. Yet

not dark.

 

That is what envelops the body after death and the tunnel of light

.. just like a vast ocean .. so easy to meld into the soft luminous

life force moving in every speck .. Home.

 

It has been easier to forget .. and fear the fire of potential of the

core of my Self. The Onecell-f.

 

 

Lifetime after lifetime spent searching for the truth .. My Truth.To

the point of this lifetime of now recognising those whom I have met

in other bodies in other lifetimes .. shared souls with even.

I have remembered vows made .. to come back and re-join and break the

codes. Vows broken by the fear of religious persecution .. and death

without resolution.

 

 

But also knowing of having had to wait such a very, very, very long

time to see the mirror of my Beloved in the eyes of another.

 

To be able to see who I really am through the reflection and

realisation of core in another.

 

To finally see the real me .. first in the mirror .. and then, when I

turned inward .. within my cell-f.

 

I know that this lifetime has not being in vain .. that the purpose

of my reincarnation has now being fulfilled .. and I have lived to

see it in full consciousness .. finally ..

 

The immutable fire of the core of every cell of my body can now meld

with its outer protective sheath .. all aspects of male and female no

longer separate

 

Conception of cell-f .. merging in full consciousness on every level

.. in an adult body ..

 

without having to die to remember..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

-- Fiona Tulk,

lifestreams

http://www.anunda.com

 

The material presented in this post is also archived for reference

on the open archive lifestreams