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[Guest guest]

Dear Michael:

 

I too have has thoughts of suicide many times during my 64 years.

What kept me from taking my life was the fact that I would bring so

much suffering to those who love me. Also, my belief that you start

where you left off in this lifetime. So why make more trouble for

myself.

 

Right now I am incredibly joyful and I now fervantly believe that I

am not my thoughts. How can I be when I have absolutely no control

over them. The teachings have totally convinced me that I am not my

thoughts. So when I kill my loved ones off in my mind I just laugh

about it to myself now and realize it is just a universal occurance.

I still reacts lots, but It goes in a day or less.

Right now I am upset with myself for buying into the stock market

again. I call my 91 year old mother each day over the internet and

give her stock quotes, so I got sucked in again. I have a chance to

do 6 to 10 hours per day of meditation while my beloved wife is away

in CA but I am getting destracted by my ineptitude.

 

As far as going back on your meds. Dont do it unless you absolutely

cant take it anymore. By sharing your mental states with others that

will eleviate you suffering. Keep reading the teachings and that

surely will help also plus as much daily meditaiion as you can

manage. Become the witness of your mental states by asking

yourself "What is being witnessed". There are many other alternative

therapies that could help too. The Meds are just a temporary solution

in my view and all the progress you make on them will diappear when

you have to go off them because of side effects, and you may not be

albe to take them with you in the next lifetime. You were able to go

off them so why go back on them. You are doing just great.

 

So what if you have attack thoughts that tell you that your are a

piece of crap. Most of those I have known have them at some time in

their life and they just come and go. If you need some one to talk to

I could call you free over the net. If you are interested email me at

lostnfoundation

 

Namaste,

Alton