brats and monsters

[Guest guest]

(Valerie) >> I must say right now that she

is being a little brat because of the revisiting of past abuses and the

resulting rage...on top of just purging past hatefulness (which is very very hard on me

right now) <<

(Lobster) >> I am very familiar with anger (hate activated)

which at its route is fear of pain. <<

Dear Valerie ~ I am familiar with what you are talking about...very.

Please be gentle with your "little brat." And Lobster, yes,

underneath hate/anger/rage is suffering and pain, deep hurt, the

wounding of the child. In my twenties and thirties my own suffering

from seeing what was inside of me was beyond words really. As I heard

Elizabeth Kubler Ross describe it at a conference I attended, I had

encountered the "Hitler within." I was fortunate to have wonderful

people like her cross my path with words of comfort and wisdom at

such a difficult time in my life. I faced (I was going to was I was

forced to face, but in truth, I believe I chose to face) the depth of

my own "shadow" and see that I was capable of the most despicible

acts. The fact that some people I respected told me, "we are all

capable of terrible actions," didn't really comfort me as much as

what Elizabeth said. For some reason I didn't believe them. I felt I

was unique in the "monster" I carried around inside me. I had a great

struggle with this...just to go on with my life, seeing what I had

seen. At the same conference that Elizabeth spoke at, Jerry Jampolsky

was also a speaker. He was there to talk about "attitudinal healing,"

which was based on his encounter with "A Course in Miracles." What he

said was like an arrow of balm piercing my soul: "Everything that

exists is either a cry for love or an expression of love." This sunk

deeply into all the levels of myself; it helped me understand and

better accept my father...and it defused my sense of shock and horror

towards myself. All the reading I was doing at the time, in Eastern

sacred texts, also gave me a sense of hope because they gave me a

spirituality belief system that starts with the premise that we are

inherently good and that our task is simply to remember or reconnect.

(As opposed to the idea that we are born "bad" and must be "saved" or

"repent.") If you can look at this aspect of yourself as a "brat,"

then you are already way ahead of where I was during the time I am

describing. It shows that you are seeing that side of yourself with

humor and that you are defusing its intensity. I am glad you have

chosen to share this with us...thank you. Shanti shanti jyoti jyoti ~

Linda