Guest guest Posted September 15, 2001 Report Share Posted September 15, 2001 The responses of many on this list and others where I am posting this series - and some of the sensitive questions some people have asked - has caused me to look very closely at the term Terrorist, what it means and how the reflection appears in my life. Warning: Some people could find some of what follows may invoke some very uncomfortable memories from within. It did for me when I looked deeply into my own mirror and, for a period, I followed my own advice (in part 1 of this series) to resolve my own inner conflicts. Very few of you know me. I am a faceless person who presents words on the screen of your computer - but, to most of you, I have no identity. I am a 56 year old male who lives in Tasmania who has taken a long hard look at his own life in the light of his own experiences of it .. and through sharing the experiences of many others during the time I have worked as a Transpersonal Therapist. Have you ever faced a situation where the whole of your life has collapsed around you. You have no one you can relate to, no roots, no parents - no identity and nothing has meaning. I have, on several occasions. I have faced death, too, on a number of occasions - and 3 times I have been pronounced clinically dead. When nothing matters any more, it is very easy to stand on an overhead railway bridge and contemplate jumping in front of a speeding express train. I got dragged back from that one by a prostitute who, for the first time in my life, non judgementally allowed me to cry like there was no tomorrow. When nothing matters any more, there are infinite possibilities. 14 years ago, I faced another choice between having a look at who I thought I was (or was not) and joining many others as a homeless drunk in the back streets of Sydney. Interestingly, as I was later to find out, 90% of the so called derelicts of society were formerly successful professional people - many very highly educated. Their world had collapsed also. Like me, there was no one to turn to. Sure, there were plenty with advice on how I should live my life - plenty who wanted to tell me all about this marvelous "God". Talk, talk, talk .. all they ever did was talk. Oh how they professed their love for me. But .. not one of them ever bothered to hear what I had to say. Sure, they listened to what they thought I was saying .. and then jumped in with their prescribed parroting without waiting for me to complete my heart felt expression. Repressed pain and personal suffering can turn a victim into a martyr in the profession of an ideal of self-less service. One learns to hide one's true feelings in the face of such self righteousness. One learns to be cunning in order to survive. It would have been very easy to get hooked on the idealised vision of any fanatic who gave me a sense of identity and purpose to my self. The liver that has sufficient toxins in it can convert adrenaline into an overpowering strength to overcome all sensibilities - especially in a situation where nothing mattered any more. Those who have experienced a kidney stone attack understand the meaning of pain. I silently experienced my second in an aeroplane flying through turbulence of a thunderstorm between Bombay and London - but past experience allowed me to deal with it. The stewardess, on the other hand, had difficulty with me practicing yoga postures in the economy class aisle - and the surgeons at a London Hospital couldn't understand how I could walk into Emergency. This is the power of the mind to control the pain of the body - the silent suffering of the conscious denial and forgetting of a deep inner pain. As I look back on some past situations, I can see that I would have had no conscience against taking a gun and laying siege before I took my own life. The unconscious unwitting, repressed by usurped power and authority, knows no concept of good nor evil. This is the breeding ground for fanaticism. The act that some call revenge becomes very real as a possible reaction. Trauma can be a catalyst which turns deep seated grief and resentment into unreasonable and unreasoned anger. Cunning is a learned survival behaviour against oppression. It is a conditioned response of a body to cope with a deep inner pain. For me, it all started when authority, in the form of a religion, supported by the Government, took me away from my mother and father. Then another authority kept my infant body bound tightly in starched sheets until I died. But I wasn't allowed to die - they pumped me full of the blood of someone else to give me life. Another unknown mother and father. What was the life of the person who donated the blood? What adult emotions were pumped into my infant male body? They allowed my twin sister to die. The study of my self and all of the personalities that motivate this body has been the fruit of my choosing to study Transpersonal Psychology and Psychotherapy. Many of my friends and clients have provided me with the greatest gift of all as they came into my life as reflections of those hidden parts of my own personalities - those parts of me that I kept hidden - even from my self.. One of those teachers was the first man that I ever respected - because he took the time to hear me, he allowed me to hear him - and myself. He also showed me I had a centre in the eye of the hurricane. Through going inwards, I was able to start reconnecting the fragments. I was able to allow a remembering of events that I had buried deeply from myself and others because I had been taught to act secretively by my adoptive parents - hiding the truth of what I was really doing (and feeling) to avoid being beaten. They were just another authority figure usurping their power by exercising their own anger and resentment in the face of a mirror of their own childhood victim. When I was 7, they gave my baby sister away because she was "too much trouble". Of course, I was too young to understand that then. So they thought. But I have remembered. I have reconnected a lot of the fragments of the seeming chaos of the time. Once the inner conflicts found resolution, there was no need for forgiveness. There was nothing to forgive. What those people from the past had done was provide me with the start and the impetus to gain an understanding .. with the understanding, the conflicts dissolved and no one needed to forgive anyone. To them I am grateful. But, most of all, I am grateful to the seed of life itself which I found within my self. From that came the deepest understanding. For me, at many times in my life, it could have gone either way. It's a very fine line between terrorist and therapist. No God had anything to do with it - I have learned to trust in myself and my knowing so that I am no longer an alien or foreigner in my own body. I am that I am .. and how others view me no longer matters because, having been where they are, I can look through their eyes with compassion. And yes, I have pulled the mangled bodies of victims from the wreckage of both motor vehicle accidents and natural disasters - then gone back as a counselor to the survivors and relatives. -- Christopher Wynter christopher http://www.anunda.com The material presented in this post is also archived for reference on the open archive lifestreams Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 15, 2001 Report Share Posted September 15, 2001 "No God had anything to do with it - I have learned to trust in myself and my knowing so that I am no longer an alien or foreigner in my own body. " "One of those teachers was the first man that I ever respected - because he took the time to hear me, he allowed me to hear him - and myself. He also showed me I had a centre in the eye of the hurricane. " ____________ Hello Chris (if I may) You could never be closer to "God" then to be at the center of the Eye. Ed , Christopher Wynter <lifestreams@b...> wrote: > > The responses of many on this list and others where I am posting this > series - and some of the sensitive questions some people have asked - > has caused me to look very closely at the term Terrorist, what it > means and how the reflection appears in my life. > > > Warning: > Some people could find some of what follows may invoke > some very uncomfortable memories from within. > It did for me when I looked deeply into my own mirror > and, for a period, I followed my own advice > (in part 1 of this series) to resolve my own inner conflicts. > > > Very few of you know me. I am a faceless person who presents words on > the screen of your computer - but, to most of you, I have no > identity. > > I am a 56 year old male who lives in Tasmania who has taken a long > hard look at his own life in the light of his own experiences of it > . and through sharing the experiences of many others during the time > I have worked as a Transpersonal Therapist. > > > Have you ever faced a situation where the whole of your life has > collapsed around you. You have no one you can relate to, no roots, > no parents - no identity and nothing has meaning. > > I have, on several occasions. I have faced death, too, on a number of > occasions - and 3 times I have been pronounced clinically dead. > > > When nothing matters any more, it is very easy to stand on an > overhead railway bridge and contemplate jumping in front of a > speeding express train. I got dragged back from that one by a > prostitute who, for the first time in my life, non judgementally > allowed me to cry like there was no tomorrow. > > > When nothing matters any more, there are infinite possibilities. > > > 14 years ago, I faced another choice between having a look at who I > thought I was (or was not) and joining many others as a homeless > drunk in the back streets of Sydney. Interestingly, as I was later to > find out, 90% of the so called derelicts of society were formerly > successful professional people - many very highly educated. > > Their world had collapsed also. Like me, there was no one to turn to. > Sure, there were plenty with advice on how I should live my life - > plenty who wanted to tell me all about this marvelous "God". > > Talk, talk, talk .. all they ever did was talk. > Oh how they professed their love for me. > > > But .. not one of them ever bothered to hear what I had to say. > Sure, they listened to what they thought I was saying .. > and then jumped in with their prescribed parroting > without waiting for me to complete my heart felt expression. > > Repressed pain and personal suffering can turn a victim into a martyr > in the profession of an ideal of self-less service. > > > One learns to hide one's true feelings in the face of such self > righteousness. One learns to be cunning in order to survive. > > > It would have been very easy to get hooked on the idealised vision of > any fanatic who gave me a sense of identity and purpose to my self. > > > The liver that has sufficient toxins in it can convert adrenaline > into an overpowering strength to overcome all sensibilities - > > especially in a situation where nothing mattered any more. > > > Those who have experienced a kidney stone attack understand the > meaning of pain. I silently experienced my second in an aeroplane > flying through turbulence of a thunderstorm between Bombay and London > - but past experience allowed me to deal with it. The stewardess, on > the other hand, had difficulty with me practicing yoga postures in > the economy class aisle - and the surgeons at a London Hospital > couldn't understand how I could walk into Emergency. > > > This is the power of the mind to control the pain of the body - > the silent suffering of the conscious denial and forgetting > of a deep inner pain. > > > As I look back on some past situations, > I can see that I would have had no conscience against taking a gun > and laying siege before I took my own life. > > The unconscious unwitting, repressed by usurped power and authority, > knows no concept of good nor evil. This is the breeding ground for > fanaticism. > > The act that some call revenge becomes very real as a possible > reaction. Trauma can be a catalyst which turns deep seated grief and > resentment into unreasonable and unreasoned anger. > > Cunning is a learned survival behaviour against oppression. It is a > conditioned response of a body to cope with a deep inner pain. > > > For me, it all started when authority, in the form of a religion, > supported by the Government, took me away from my mother and father. > Then another authority kept my infant body bound tightly in starched > sheets until I died. > > But I wasn't allowed to die - they pumped me full of the blood of > someone else to give me life. Another unknown mother and father. > What was the life of the person who donated the blood? > What adult emotions were pumped into my infant male body? > > They allowed my twin sister to die. > > > The study of my self and all of the personalities that motivate this > body has been the fruit of my choosing to study Transpersonal > Psychology and Psychotherapy. Many of my friends and clients have > provided me with the greatest gift of all as they came into my life > as reflections of those hidden parts of my own personalities - > those parts of me that I kept hidden - > even from my self.. > > > One of those teachers was the first man that I ever respected - > > because he took the time to hear me, > he allowed me to hear him - and myself. > > He also showed me I had a centre in the eye of the hurricane. > > > Through going inwards, I was able to start reconnecting the > fragments. I was able to allow a remembering of events that I had > buried deeply from myself and others because I had been taught to act > secretively by my adoptive parents - hiding the truth of what I was > really doing (and feeling) to avoid being beaten. > > They were just another authority figure usurping their power by > exercising their own anger and resentment in the face of a mirror of > their own childhood victim. When I was 7, they gave my baby sister > away because she was "too much trouble". > > Of course, I was too young to understand that then. So they thought. > > > But I have remembered. > > I have reconnected a lot of the fragments of the seeming chaos > of the time. Once the inner conflicts found resolution, > there was no need for forgiveness. > There was nothing to forgive. > > > What those people from the past had done was provide me with the > start and the impetus to gain an understanding .. with the > understanding, the conflicts dissolved and no one needed to forgive > anyone. To them I am grateful. > > But, most of all, I am grateful to the seed of life itself which > I found within my self. From that came the deepest understanding. > > For me, at many times in my life, it could have gone either way. > It's a very fine line between terrorist and therapist. > > No God had anything to do with it - > > I have learned to trust in myself and my knowing > so that I am no longer an alien or foreigner in my own body. > > > I am that I am .. > > and how others view me no longer matters > because, having been where they are, > I can look through their eyes > with compassion. > > > And yes, I have pulled the mangled bodies of victims from the > wreckage of both motor vehicle accidents and natural disasters - > then gone back as a counselor to the survivors and relatives. > > > -- Christopher Wynter > christopher@l... > http://www.anunda.com > > The material presented in this post is also archived for reference > on the open archive lifestreams Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 15, 2001 Report Share Posted September 15, 2001 , Christopher Wynter <lifestreams@b...> > When nothing matters any more, there are infinite possibilities. The one line above sums up beautifully, i think... thanks Christopher. Tie that in with what the sages have said, and it starts to take on more than just a 'mental' sense of truth... Nothing to gain/nothing to lose... Namaste, Omkara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 15, 2001 Report Share Posted September 15, 2001 , Christopher Wynter <lifestreams@b...> wrote: > Have you ever faced a situation where the whole of your life has > collapsed around you. You have no one you can relate to, no roots, > no parents - no identity and nothing has meaning. Many times... but now, rather than creating suffering, this fact is one of inexplicable beauty, even joy... > Talk, talk, talk .. all they ever did was talk. Much like these lists... after nearly 3 years, i rarely read or post on any of them anymore. > Oh how they professed their love for me. Indeed, the words are easy to say... rarely does it translate into anything but yet more words. > The liver that has sufficient toxins in it can convert adrenaline > into an overpowering strength to overcome all sensibilities - > > especially in a situation where nothing mattered any more. In a situation where nothing matters, anything is possible. That doesn't presuppose the negative, by any means -- rather, simply infinite potential. > > He also showed me I had a centre in the eye of the hurricane. > Eventually, the 'discovery' is like a reversal of the above perspective: That there's an apparent hurricane, and one was always (in the) center. > I am that I am .. And what is, *is*... Thanks again... Love, Tim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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