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i have a confession

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i have a confession

 

“I never touched his imperishable secret.”

-Mirabai

 

yogini,

i have a confession

last night i did not touch

your intimate secret

with proper reverence

entering your dark cave

touching your mystery

as a sterile leper

beads of sweat on my brow

my spirit as dry ash

i reached for your rapture

mirabai,

but no, i did not reach

your eternal secret

darkness ran down my cheeks

the sweet shame of failure

to thirst but not to taste

the honeydew of your rose

was the rich banquet not

allowed this poor beggar

who comes darkly each night

to sit at your white feet

 

beloved,

i have a confession to make

tonight, once more, still a sinner

i will seek you in the darkness

obtaining not what i desire

accepting what i can receive

beloved, oh my beloved

where you are bittersweet success

i am sweetly bitter failure

to the world, i am a sinner

as a sinner i come to you

is the confession i make

 

yogini,

i have a profession to make

to the moon and stars, i am yours

as i am, i am yours alone

 

mark christopher valentine

(october 19, 2001)

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