Meeting Life Directly

[Guest guest]

Hi All,

 

The last few weeks, and especially the last few days, have been some of the

hardest of my life. I've been taking care of my mother for several years and

have watched her health deteriorate year after year. Now, she's on dialysis

and has just been diagnosed with cancer. Yesterday, I moved her from the

hospital to a nursing home. I'm absolutely devastated. And yet....

 

A part of me, the witness, has been watching with fascination my spiritual

response to this experience, since spirituality has always been the center

of my life. God, outside of any particular belief system, has always been my

anchor. I would pray to, talk with and sing my thanks to God for everything.

I had a very personal relationship with God. But, in a strange way, that's

all been changing. More and more, I feel God's presence infused in

everything. And, as my perception of God expands, I find that my sense of,

and relationship to, a personal God is disappearing.

 

I find that I'm present to life in a different way, now. I often don't think

about God, and yet, God/Truth/Life/What Is, is still what's most important

to me. But now, there's nothing separating me from life. Now, I don't see

any separation between God and life. It's such an odd feeling. My mind tells

me that if I'm losing my sense of a personal God, I must be going backwards.

And yet, in this direct meeting with life, I feel a peace I've never known

before. I don't have to change anything. I don't need to ask God to change

anything. Not even what's happening to my mother or my devastation in

response to it. What I want most, in these difficult times, is to be fully

present to the moment and to my feelings. In doing so, the most ordinary of

moments become profound and the presence of Beauty, Truth and Love become

commonplace. Life shines, even in a hospital room.

 

Do I fear? Do I hurt? Do I cry? You bet. But, so what. There's nothing wrong

with those things. Spirituality isn't about removing pain from life, it's

about removing judgment. Pain is pain. Joy is joy. There's room for it all.

Do I identify with my body? With the circumstances of my life? Yes, I still

do to a great extent. And yet, there's a part of me that sits back and

watches, that views my thoughts, feelings, and experiences dispassionately

and wonders what all the fuss is about.

 

I'm being exceedingly kind to myself, right now. I'm not imposing any

"shoulds" on myself, either circumstantially or spiritually. I'm simply

meeting every moment as best I can. I didn't look at this as a particularly

spiritual practice, and yet, in accepting life as it is, without judgment,

I've found a deep peace, even in the midst of terrible pain.

 

Thank you to all who responded to my first post about dealing with my mom's

cancer. I appreciate all who shared the beauty of being with their parents

or loved ones during their final days. I'm sorry I couldn't respond to each

of you personally, but I know you understand.

 

Namaste,

Julie

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

Hi Julie,

 

Thanks for that story. It shows that a lotus can grow in a pond but not in the

desert.

An other inspirational story was found on the web, at:

http://www.geocities.com/Athens/8107/bios1.html

and an extract is:

------------------------------

 

 

Tukaram

 

 

Tukaram is another example which shows that the Love of God is not based on

rigid caste, creed, education, race standards but on love itself.

 

Born in 1598, in the state of Maharastra, to an illiterate farmer, Tukaram went

on to write some of the wonderful verses in the Marathi languages in the form of

abhangas. He married and had a son but due to a famine, lost both of them due to

starvation. Despite these personal tragedies, he never lost the love towards

Krishna. His songs were the spontanteous expression of devotion through singing

and dancing of kirtans in honor of Krishna. However, Tukaram faced many problems

in his own spiritual quest. Other than the personal tragedies, he was filled

with frustration and doubt. One day, when he was prepared to commit suicide, he

experienced the divine. From that moment on, his life changed. His philosophy

was simple and effective 'Sit silently and repeat the name of the Lord. That

alone is enough for realization.' He constantly emphasised that ethics and

orthodox religion like the study of Vedas were just formalities and the real use

of religion is in realization of the divine through Love.

 

In one of his poems he says, 'How merciful He is! In those who are helpless He

feels His chief delight. He bears their burden on His head; He undertakes the

care of acquiring and keeping for them. He endures them not to stray from the

path, He takes them by the hand and leads them. Tuka says, This is the reward if

you follow Him with absolute devotion. Though the idea of a second is dispelled,

yet Hari remains undiminished: we need not search for His seat ourside

ourselves. If you desire to know so much, know it by the mind within the mind;

know it as the expert hunter knows the signs where gaem may be found. First, is

the body a reality? Are the correlatives of the body facts? It is a mere

scarecrow: it is something that the thief takes for a sentinel. Tuka wakens you

and cries, "Do not be idly frightened! Open the inner eye, you will find you are

in Himself!"'