Milestones

[Guest guest]

Hello Harshasatsangh Community,

 

I have been on "no mail" for a while, often pondering why I stay here.

There never seems to be anything to say, other than an occasional

poem, or thought. And yet, I do stay here, I guess just so that the

occasional poem or thought has somewhere to go. LOL. And never

sticking around long enough to see any replies. Which I do apologize

for. And anyone wishing to say something to me directly, will just

have to take a moment and email me personally.

 

 

Milestones.......... We all have them, feel them, recognize them when

they come and go, remember them on their anniversaries. Small

children celebrate their birthdays with such joy, their small

milestones. A year older, a few inches bigger, more

coordinated....... crawling, walking, running....... flying.........

 

I have had a few small milestones since Kundalini began, but none has

seemed to be felt as deeply as the one that is here now. One year

ago, I discovered something that has carried me through the following

months. I discovered that I could and should and most deffinately

would stand on my own. Although the circumstances surrounding that

breakthrough, were painful and extremely difficult to face. I have

had no greater freedom's birth than those very moments when I

insisted on my right to be.

 

No, I did not leave a marriage, nor a job, nor any tangible thing we

can see..... But finally, was before me, a choice........ A choice to

acknowledge myself as worthy of defense, or silence my tongue until

the next time.

 

For those that knew me a year ago, {and those who thought they knew

me, but really did not} knows that this struggle persisted for

several months. Each opportunity of strife, the choice was offered

again, and again. Each time it came, it became easier. Until now, I

can feel the differences that my body has undergone through those

months. It is most difficult to express that physical change that

comes from "facing our fears". Each effort faced and conquered,

expelling a bit more of that uncomfortable vibration. That vibration,

that feeling, that was given to me at such a young age, that told me I

was unworthy, and could not speak for myself, nor act for myself. That

feeling, that is now almost gone... Not completely, but hardly

noticeable any more.

 

It is easy to quote the masters, my dear friends, it is hard to

actually follow through. But hard work, and perservance will show the

true test of your understanding.

 

It is amazing, that once the fear has been conquered, the desire to

conquer goes with it. It is only through experience that I can say

these things.

 

My thoughts here go to those that struggle with the same sort of fear:

That fear that we are unworthy to speak and be heard.

That we are unworthy to be heard and understood...

That we are unworthy to defend that voice, and that understanding.

 

We are most worthy, and damn those that try to tell us otherwise. For

those that try to silence us, are truly speaking from their own

fears. Not their true selves, but a pretender speaks through their

voice. And that pretender should not be allowed to fuel our own fear

and turn us against ourselves.

 

My milestone, remembered this middle of march, the beginning of

spring. The day I stumbled onto my worth, and began the battle to

reclaim it.

 

My heart and love to all of you. Have a wonderful new year, as spring erupts all around us.

 

Love, Lynette

~ @`---,----With Delight----,---`@ ~

Lynettewww.geocities.com/poetic_delight/