Fw: I am Not really as Crazy as it Might appear

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(speaking of bhakti..we were, weren't we? -Glo)

 

(from Yearnings list)Message: 4 Tue, 12 Mar 2002 20:27:31

-0800 "Mazie Lane" <sraddha54 (AT) hotmail (DOT) com>I am Not

really as Crazy as it Might appearDear friends,I recently joined and

posted on a forum of a fellow who I knew from another , a

man who I clashed often with, and very painfully so, for I disliked

any unfinished grievances that do not get mended. I did. I thought I

would never be able to get on with this fellow, and especially I

thought I would never join his forum. I marched right in there and

stepped up and started right in babbling about love and getting it

on with God, and all that other crazy talk I do. I could not help

myself. It was some other Love-baked, fried person's fault that I did

that. I have found that lately, since I became a fully freaked-out

Love machine, no turn-off buttons, no shut-down turny-thingy, I am

just going full melt-down all over the place. I cannot stop myself

from spilling over everyone and everything that gets anywhere near my

orbit. It is the really coolest, wildest, most flipped out in a

make-no-sense kind of thing, it is. We are always talking about

wanting to get that kind of love, that Love where we are left unable

to keep sleeping around in every heart that even slightly opens up

that honey pot to us. Love just wants to get it on with every single

heart it sees. Why all the sensuous, the erotic talk in discussing

this Love, this sacred and Holy Love we so want, this enlightenment

thing? Because Love has been stripped of its human-ness, its natural

heat and fire, and its very lifeblood. We think (or at least I did)

if we cut away any closeness, any human feeling we will be able to

touch God in that pure and slick alter we have made of

untouchability. Not so! If we cannot kiss God right in the heart of

our own beloved each day, with unconditional and undying love, we

cannot hope to ever find Him in some sterile, self-imposed tower of

"Keep-awayness" I should know. I have been the glacier-queen for

endless years spouting all the time about celibacy and yoga and ego

and bullshit bullshit. It was what my teachings led me to believe. Oh

there was room for relationships, but something seemed missing about

Divine Passionate Love. I was born a Lover, a real Heart-Ache. I

have a heart that re-blazed itself into a Human Firepit. God said,

"Well, well, what do we have here, a little smart-ass talker of the

Love talk, thinking she, SHE has a grip on what I AM, what MY LOVE

really IS! Well, let her bite on this, taste THIS kind of Love,

littlepoet!" And then He proceeded to just yank my ass all over

Love-Street. I am a train wreck and I don't know anything but the

love ofcrashing into a firey wall of annhilation. I just want what

Shams andRumi have been trying to show me all along. A human, real,

livinglove, not some dead rhetoric that knows all the answers and

none ofthe sweet pleasure positions of God. Well, well, well, what do

we havehere now? A freaked-out, crazier than ever lunatic in Love's

Madhouse.Come see me some time. We get out every time the full moon

rises.Love,Mazie