Mind Waves Waving Wildly, Hello, Yoo Hoo!

[Guest guest]

Dear friends,

 

First off, allow me to give some possibly needed adivce concerning this

story. it is a mite long and rambling, so feel free to dance along the

delete key if needed!

 

Living in california for nearly my entire life, i have come to know many of

the towns and cities quite intimately. It is such a beautiful state, the

Golden state they call it. Blanketed with the California poppy, the state

flower, it sometimes seems that with the Great Central Valley, including the

cool and roasting Imperial and San Juaquin Valleys, the Fresno, Bakersfield

and Lodi, Lodi? triangle, that food basket for the entire world, California

is like some elegant Mother Divine who feeds Her children wonderful fruits,

beautiful grains, rice, so many organic and natural products it defies

anyone to find such an

abundance in any other conglomerate of folks gathered up as the Hands of

Benevolence, feeding the world and the poor and the pockets of course, of

some very wealthy ones, that is the way the game works. And the Napa valley

for the Joy of imbibing sweet master vintner's nectared offerings, a wine

world that has shaken the French to a frenzy of new techniques and denials

of second best. Besides, Morrie from "Tuesdays with Morrie," asked the

question, "so what's wrong with being number two?" So what is wrong with

being number two? nada, zeroing in on it being the actual thing to sit so

glad in, a comfort of just being anything for God!

 

So along further into this tale of California and mazie's wildly flapping

tattered flag of gladness, it unfurls more fully in the breeze of this

story. In 1991 i spent some many months in the hospital for a massive

infection in a joint, a hip joint. That pesky old streptococcus was bad

enough to deal with as a friend, but try having Staphylococcus in for tea,

he never wants to leave, in fact, he thinks he'll be having YOU for the tea,

the crumpets and the sweet little sugar cube of pain plopped into the Heart

of existing. Ahhh! The sweet keel-hauling all over God's barnacled body of

Agony! it don't get no finer than that little mischief making One! So,

having this thing of having to battle for my life with these critters, so

grumpy and going for the gusto they were, and glad to be munching on my

sweet flesh it seemed, the cheek of those little bastards, i had to do some

serious re-evaluating of what the next move might be, or i might be the last

move across the chessboard, and then well, you know what's the next move,

that old proverbial God-hollar with glee and boasting, "Check-mate me

matey!"

 

So hooked up to endless tubes and pumps pumping things in and sucking things

sucking things out, it was just one wild in and out and getting so down

inside this territory being challenged by Mr. Death's Head, a fine old

feathered, yes, that old Owl's Death announcement as the old wise indians

would say, of seemingly soon going to be swooping my sweet ass off the

Glory. By God that's what they all had in store for me! Can't pull one off

on this cat! No sirree Bob, no way no how, i saw that wily rascal, that

ACME-brand of Coyote clomping across my head and calling, "let's get her

dead!" coming closer and i had another thing or two up my sleeve, yes, i

sure 'nuf did folks! So i just threw down the gauntlet. i stood up, well, i

sort of pulled myself up on one weak elbow, and i looked into the sky of my

Heart, and i said, "You mother-(well, you know the word!) SOB, i am not

going to take the fall for YOUR ignorant forgetfulness that i have come back

to find my Beautiful BELOVED ONE! And do You think, Mr. Snafu and prankster

supreme that i am just going to roll over and play dead? Even for real now

that we have all our cards on the table? if You think for one stinking

moment that i am giving it all up now, after all i have been through to find

this elusive and slinky misty-fying One who always seems to just go out the

back door as i come in the front one, well, Howdy brother knower of Nothing!

i ain't going nowhere yet!"

 

So i grabbed the reins and took the helm, gathered up the rope and shifted

the chains, hauled around the coffin like a butterfly display, and i was not

the Death's head Moth yet! And so, after some three weeks of kicking the

addictions to narcotics they had brought about in me, and i mean they are

not kidding when they say "KICKING," for you are one enormous muscular cramp

and you can't sleep and can't eat and every moment is death a thousand times

over and you cry and actually scream and go into delerium and the raging

inferno is so burning, a pool of sweat never-ending, vomiting and nausea

like a new breed of dues being met, and that you almost give up and die and

gladly so, except, except, that Beloved One still needs to be united with,

still must be met and held and kissed and adored and lived inside and all

the trouble we went through to be born in this time and space, well, well,

would you toss in the towel even though it might mean a freedom from the

world of pain and suffering you had ever known, or ever knew could even

possibly exist in this extreme?

 

Blood veins collapse and can't get blood needed every few hours, so they do

cute little numbers like a "femoral artery stick' and it won't work and they

CURSE AT YOU for God's sake as if you want to keep the blood to yourself! So

they stick tubes into the gaint artery in the neck with a cute little

spiogot! i feel like Frankenstein now more than ever. if lightening were to

strike than surely i would and could and should be reanaimated into health

and i could get up from those traction ropes and leave this bed of agony and

walk home to Oroville, for this hellish landscape is in a town called

"REDDING." i have despised that town ever since that day, and i avoid it

like it should be salted and burned and crushed off the face of the earth,

so painful and horrible were those memories. And believe me, what i have

told you about this is simply a tiny bitty ice cube chipped off an enormous

underwater iceberg of experience into Death, Infection, Surgery, all manner

of bodily gonna taste some new kind of happening, i did that Dance and lived

to talk about it! The thing is this, the thing is this: i no longer have

that old feeling of bull-dozing Redding under the ground and then pouring

concrete all over the place it used to be. Now, so wonderfully now, i think

i might go back to Redding some day and sit by the river and see the utter

Beauty that it actually holds for me.

 

i recall it was the fourth of July when they hauled me into another surgery

to save this carcass, and that was the beginning of this last chance at

finding the Beautiful Beloved One, for i was fully aware that the doors were

not exactly throwing themselves open and saying."Hey Mazie, LOOK, here's

that Beloved One you have been flipping over cemetary plots and wedding beds

searching for!" it was during that night of the possible foray into Death's

Laughing Mouth that i was given a most exquisite gift from God. Beloved

showed me while under anesthesia, He showed me a face that i have come to

know now. And all the weeks in Redding, all that immense spirit of

Stubborness that has brought me here Now, i bow down to That little

fresh-mouthed never-giver-upper! For the Love of the Beloved, this one held

on and had it out with God and Death, and by Jove, she won that round! So

round and round we go and where She stops only the Beloved can Know. So,

yes, YES, i Love Redding, for Redding revealed the Face of my Beloved One, i

just didn't know when God was ever going to cough up the Goods! Ha! Yah!

 

Love,

Mazie

 

 

 

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