The river

[Guest guest]

I thought this an interesting exercise...and a lovely jpeg , too.

However, (and I am not ignorant of asonance, or poetic

license...despite having my own revoked in the past...) the stanza

below is curious...and I must ask...are we to pronounce "gone" as if

it were to rhyme with "gun"

or should we be pronouncing "done" as if it rhymes with "lawn?" If

so, it is confusing, because that would mean that "done" and "dawn"

would both sound the same...and if this poem were performed live, the

audience would receive a very odd meaning...

As in "My work is dawn" which might sound very creative, abstract or

perhaps a bit full of oneself ("I am the bringer of Dawn") jeesh, and

melodramtic to boot. I know that is not what you had intended...so it

must mean, by deduction, that you really mean for the word "Gone" to

be spoken like "gun."

Gosh, but that sounds peculiar, too!

"Every trace of me is gun..." Almost poetically

violent...aggressive...or maybe Scottish... "Ah, Cap'n, ahm all

gun...there be n' more o' me t' man the capstan, nor the

mainsal...har..."

I don’t care

what will come to be.

When I enter the vast sea,

I know that my work is done.

I go to rest,

every trace of me is gone.

>>>>>>>>>>

Well, I am dawn for now...and I must be gun soon...

:-)

Namaste

Zenbob

[Guest guest]

I don’t care

if I’m coming from a drop of dew,

or the last tear that’s been shed by you.

I don’t care what’s around the bend.

I ‘m unshaken by surprise

if you’re my foe or you’re my friend.

 

I don’t care

what was here before.

All the corpses from the war,

maggots eating from ten thousand sores,

or the splendour of a king,

if that’s what passed me at my shores.

 

I don’t care

what will come to be.

When I enter the vast sea,

I know that my work is done.

I go to rest,

every trace of me is gone.

 

I don’t care

if tide is high or low,

when the sea receives my flow.

It’s been here along the string of years.

Know for sure,

I’ll give the sea your drop of tears.

 

 

 

Alan

 

 

I found the picture on the web,

and could not resist borrowing it for this short moment.

 

 

Attachment: (image/jpeg) river.jpg [not stored]

[Guest guest]

Do not read it out too loud please. My English could be a bit messed

up from working with people from all over the world.

 

 

Yes thank you, I do care

I will find a better pair

have a look, next time

the text will rhyme.

 

 

Alan

 

 

, zen2wrk@a... wrote:

> Hi Alan:

>

> I thought this an interesting exercise...and a lovely jpeg , too.

However,

> (and I am not ignorant of asonance, or poetic license...despite

having my own

> revoked in the past...) the stanza below is curious...and I must

ask...are we

> to pronounce "gone" as if it were to rhyme with "gun"

> or should we be pronouncing "done" as if it rhymes with "lawn?" If

so, it is

> confusing, because that would mean that "done" and "dawn" would

both sound

> the same...and if this poem were performed live, the audience would

receive a

> very odd meaning...

>

> As in "My work is dawn" which might sound very creative, abstract

or perhaps

> a bit full of oneself ("I am the bringer of Dawn") jeesh, and

melodramtic to

> boot. I know that is not what you had intended...so it must mean,

by

> deduction, that you really mean for the word "Gone" to be spoken

like "gun."

>

> Gosh, but that sounds peculiar, too!

> "Every trace of me is gun..." Almost poetically

violent...aggressive...or

> maybe Scottish... "Ah, Cap'n, ahm all gun...there be n' more o' me

t' man the

> capstan, nor the mainsal...har..."

>

>

>

> > I don't care

> > what will come to be.

> > When I enter the vast sea,

> > I know that my work is done.

> > I go to rest,

> > every trace of me is gone.

> >

>

> >>>>>>>>>>

>

> Well, I am dawn for now...and I must be gun soon...

> :-)

>

> Namaste

>

> Zenbob