Adventures at Rasa Ranch #15

[Guest guest]

7/17/02 "Blowing Off Steam"

 

This morning Ananda asked me to read her a story. I said, "Sure."

She ran off to get a book or two but came back with a whine in her

voice, accompanied by what I can only call a strong "pull" on me to

relieve her unhappiness. She demanded that I find the particular

books she wanted because she couldn't locate them herself underneath

the accumulation on her bedroom floor.

 

It wasn't that I had any problem with helping her out; it was just

that the energy behind her "request" didn't set right with me. I

tuned straight into my heart in that moment, I looked at her directly

with total non-emotional attention, and I did not move or say a word.

 

Then the storm started brewing. I could feel it in my bones. She

started to command me to do lots of other things, like do this, do

that, give me a fruit leather, start talking, etc. I responded to

this by opening my arms, signaling that she was welcome to my

embrace. She backed away. My continued silence infuriated her and

before long she was full-out screaming her little head off at me! I

didn't move. I stayed completely attentive and I felt the whole

thing but my heart wouldn't let me speak or act in any other way.

 

She even yelled the phrases that have worked in the past, like, "I

want to be friends!" and "I want to be with you!" but at the same

time she continually refused my open invitation for both of those

things. I did my best to not let my focus waver and this went on for

ages (it seemed) but finally, at one point, she stepped inside of my

arms. I said, "Okay. Let's go lay down on the bed together," and

she said, "All right." I held her until she fell asleep, which

wasn't very long.

 

She surprised me by being out cold for at least two hours. That's

pretty unusual for this little one. I happened to be passing through

the bedroom when she stirred and stretched. Upon seeing me she opened

her arms wide in welcome and I accepted her hug. She looked so

beautiful. She was totally refreshed, renewed, relaxed, and brimming

with joyous love. We were quiet for a little while until she said,

"Know what, Mommy?" "What?" I asked. "Yesterday (the word she uses

for anything that has happened before right now) you weren't angry

with me, but I was angry with you." "Oh yeah?" I replied. "Yeah,"

she continued, "I was screaming as loud as I could but I was crying

too so it wasn't REALLY as loud as I could." I nodded, "Uh huh." We

were quiet again and then suddenly she wrapped her arms around my

neck, squeezed really tight, and kissed me too! I laughed and

asked, "What was that for?" She grinned at me and said, "I don't

know."

[Guest guest]

Hi Kheyala,

Thank you for this one especially.

I would say that Ananda was allowed to blow off a good bit of karma

she didn't need. The image of your silence and open arms will remain

with me for a long, long time. Most powerful.

 

Thank you,

John L.

 

, "Kheyala" <kheyala@n...> wrote:

> 7/17/02 "Blowing Off Steam"

 

[snip]