Antw: Adventures at Rasa Ranch #22

[Guest guest]

Some thoughts came up in me about his letterthis morning and I fel to answer it..

----------

Van: "Kheyala" <kheyala (AT) neteze (DOT) com>

Aan: "TrueVision" <TrueVision>, "TheWayStation"

<TheWayStation>, "SufiMystic"

<SufiMystic>, "Spiritual-Friends"

<Spiritual-Friends>, ""

<>, "NDP"

<Nondualparent>, "Dandelion"

<spankypdstante (AT) aol (DOT) com>, "Jennifer" <JPGmom5 (AT) hotmail (DOT) com>, "Lori"

<LorandSi (AT) aol (DOT) com>, "Pam" <PAMSTEBNICKI (AT) EARTHLINK (DOT) NET>, "Steve"

<sdhigley (AT) hotmail (DOT) com>

Onderwerp: Adventures at Rasa Ranch #22

Datum: woe, 24 jul 2002 23:21

"Breaking the Rules with Holiday Cheer"

This past holiday season, my mother, who wanted to spend some time

with her only grandchild, flew us out to visit her. After hours and

hours of traveling from one side of the US to the other, including

extra security measures at airports, long lines, stop-overs, etc.,

Ananda and I were finally seated in my mom's car on the way to her

house. My little girl (recently turned four) who had never been to a

place as big and busy as an airport, let alone seen an airplane up

close before, was really wonderful. She had helped to make the

journey quite enjoyable for the both of us.

I strapped her into the contraption (child safety chair.. not a

contraption)that my mother had put in the car specifically for her

and she dozed a bit, but when she awoke she was understandably

disoriented and she reached her arms out to me, seated beside her,

and whimpered to be held. Naturally, I unbuckled her and she settled

quietly into my lap as a I soothingly explained that it was very late

at night and we were almost all the way to Grandmom's house. (you

could have put your arms around her while she remained in the chair)

Meanwhile, my mom's husband had pulled the car over. Apparently, they

had decided to teach us a lesson (perhaps they were just concerned

about the child's safety, no lesson intended) about car safety and

traffic laws and were not going to budge until Ananda was buckled in

again. It didn't seem to matter that we had been traveling for more

than twelve hours, or that it was going on 2am on a Thursday, or that

we were only a little less than five miles from their house. (Five

miles is about ten minutes by auto isn't it? could you not have

explained that to Ananda, we will be there in just ten minutes..))

Ananda came up with a great idea. She suggested that we buckle

ourselves into the same seatbelt together. I told her that that was

fantastic (!), but the drivers vetoed it. Then there was such an

intense atmosphere in the car. (for which you were partly

respoonsible).. The silence was as thick as mud. Ananda began to

cry, saying, "Mommy, I don't want to be here anymore. I want to go

back home!"

So you know what we did? I got directions to their place and we

bundled up, exited the car, and we hoofed it, singing aloud with what

we called "dragon breath," in the cold, east coast wind all the way to

their house on the water. Ananda rode on my shoulders for most of it

and we paused to admire the Christmas light displays along the way.

We also stopped at a payphone in order to tell Daddy that we were

real close to arriving and even though we had woken him up to do

that, the joy with which we phoned was energizing and contagious!

When we finally made it up the steps to their front door, we may have

been tired, I may have been a little sore, our cheeks and noses were

certainly red, and we were definitely cold, but the fire burning

alive in our hearts was unquestionably ablaze.

And your Mother & Father felt awful, feeling guilty and worried for

the last hour or so, or however long it took you to get there by

foot. I see no hint of thanks in your letter for the concern that

your parents might have had for your daughter's safety. How was the

rest of the visit?

Wishing to bring up your child in the way you do seems like a good

idea, but like all things, some balance might be needed, otherwise

there is a danger that it becomes programmatic and the program

becomes more important than everyone's feelings.. Programs often

achieve the opposite result from what was wished for.. You clearly

have much concern for your daughter's feelings, but at least in this

letter I don't see any concern about your Mother's or her husband's

feelings.

Sincerely, Sam

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[Guest guest]

Dear Sam,

 

It sounds as if you and my mom would get along great! Next time she

invites us out there, maybe you ought to go along instead....

 

*chuckle*

 

Love to you,

Kheyala

 

 

 

, "Sam " <sampas@w...> wrote:

> Some thoughts came up in me about his letterthis morning and I fel

to answer

> it..

>

<snip>

[Guest guest]

Hang in there Kheyala, you and Ananda did the best..

 

Of course I understand Sam's responses...

In the usual world that is what happens... one complies... But ah,

that fearful and moral majority..., vetoes even. The "oh so careful

grown-ups" but in the meantime... the child is crying and not

understood.

What is important here in your RR #22 is that you and Ananda's actions

get understood. We already understand the actions of the usual

world..., and if the usual world had something better to show for

than another batch of "fear driven compliant" kids or the

"rebellious" kind, I would say... OK follow that world... but the

usual world does not. So we do (you do) something else and that does

not come from rebelliousness, it comes from spontaneous creativity of

the both of you... That "something else" is always very surprising and

totally resourceful.

You go on Kheyala... and like I said in one of my previous posts, there is no risk involved.

Actually, let me say what I could not find the words for last time.

Real life comes with a built-in life-time guarantee for the child.

While "life of fear" builds suitable safety contraptions that are

useful in the usual world (thus voiding the built-in life-time

guarantee), those contraptions really give in to fear more than to

trust.

There is a middle road that takes care of... not fear... but SAFETY

AND TRUST. In Dutch it sounds even better: "Geen angst, maar

veiligheid EN vertrouwen."

It is too long ago to pull up growing-up stories about Emanuel. In

Dutch, "De haren zouden je te berge rijzen" or your hair would stand

on end... but that is for the usual people.

Maybe I'll get a chance to write about some of those episodes.

 

Hello there..., who's there? Here comes Emanuel... just back from a

hiking trip into the hills here, seems he is checking his satellite

positioning device, GPS (Global positioning System). He does that

"Geo caching" thing that some young people do nowadays, hiding a

cache with goodies in some seemingly god-forsaken place, hoping that

someone else will find it with a GPS device and then take something

nice from it and add something interesting to it... He did a solo

tour through India and the Orient, he bungee-jumps as well. He swims

in icy cold lakes, rides a recliner bicycle and loves rolling around

nakedly in virgin snow. He also functions fully in this society. Is

he inconsiderate, is he reckless, is he irresponsible?

He has maintained to feel safe in this world, a world that he has

maintained to love fully.

He trusts life with his life.

Life for him is not about taking chances.

He sees opportunities, yes!

Taking chances? No!

 

Sam wrote:

(child safety chair.. not a contraption)

(you could have put your arms around her while she remained in the

chair) (perhaps they were just concerned about the child's safety,

no lesson intended)

(Five miles is about ten minutes by auto isn't it? could you not have

explained that to Ananda, we will be there in just ten minutes..)

(for which you were partly respoonsible)

And your Mother & Father felt awful, feeling guilty and worried for

the last hour or so, or however long it took you to get there by

foot. I see no hint of thanks in your letter for the concern that

your parents might have had for your daughter's safety. How was the

rest of the visit?Wishing to bring up your child in the way you do

seems like a good idea, but like all things, some balance might be

needed, otherwise there is a danger that it becomes programmatic and

the program becomes more important than everyone's feelings..

Programs often achieve the opposite result from what was wished for..

You clearly have much concern for your daughter's feelings, but at

least in this letter I don't see any concern about your Mother's or

her husband's feelings.So Sam, I do understand, don't take me

wrong... but your remarks will maintain a cautious world, a bit on

the unfree side, rather than a world in which freedom is paramount.

See if you can understand the way of moksha. You say: "some balance

might be needed", Kheyala is doing just that.

The problem is, that the usual sociable world follows a program...

Life does not and has none...

 

Wim