Adventures at Rasa Ranch #27

[Guest guest]

7/30/02 "Ambivalence"

 

Something was bugging Ananda. She kept on crying and whining and she

didn't know why and so we didn't know why. Both her dad and I

offered her all of our presence and even though she said that's what

she wanted, she didn't take us up on it. On the contrary, she would

come over to us and then stiffen up in our arms or turn her back to

us, all the while continuing with that very grating cry-whine sound.

Finally, we had had enough. We told her that we wanted to go

somewhere without having to listen to that.

 

In the other room Jim and I chatted while being well aware that her

tone had not changed. She demanded from a distance, "Mommy, I want

to be with you!" And I called back with a firm "No, you don't!" I

continued, "You had me. You had all of me, and you refused to be

with me." That seemed to cause a break in all the noise. She

wandered in, took a deep breath, and through many crying-hiccoughs

she managed to say, "I do want to be with you and I don't want to be

with you. Both of those things at the same time."

 

That just melted my heart and I ran over to her and picked her up

(ugh!) and held her real tight, rocking her and saying, "Oh, Sweetie,

I understand that. I understand. It's totally okay that you feel

that way." Her warm, wet face settled against my neck as her body

relaxed and truly landed inside my embrace. I carried her over to

where her dad was sitting and he reached his arm out and said, "Hey,

would you like to be friends?" She raised her head and paused, but I

didn't; I took his hand and then she reached out and laid hers on top

of them both.