Adventures at Rasa Ranch #52

[Guest guest]

9/20/02 "Coming Out"

 

Yesterday while Jim and I were reading an e-mail together we heard

Bodhi yelp in pain from the other room. Jim jumped up and jogged in,

calling, "What's going on in there?" Ananda told him that Bo was

bothering her because he wouldn't stop barking while she was coloring

and so she kicked him! Jim was upset. In reaction, he began to scold

Ananda's behavior and I overheard her telling him she didn't want to

talk about it and that she did not want to listen either. I

suggested that we all go into "the quiet room" (our bedroom) and hang

out as a family for a little while but Ananda showed no interest and

so Jim and I (with baby) went by ourselves. Bodhi trotted in behind

us.

 

Jim was still not himself. "It's really not okay that she did that,"

he exclaimed, "I mean, he barks all the time!" I gently commented

that I didn't believe this was really about Bodhi's barking or about

our daughter's response to it. I thought out loud, "Something must

really be bugging her to make her do something like that." While we

were sitting quietly together letting that notion hang in the air,

Ananda came wandering in saying she wanted Daddy to play with her. I

took a glance in Jim's direction and then stated, "Daddy doesn't want

to play right now." When she asked why, I told her it was because he

was upset. "He knows he won't really have fun playing until his

'upsetness' is gone." Then I added, "Do you know why he's feeling

bad?" She answered me by backing herself into the closet, telling me

that she didn't want to talk about it, and then closing the curtains

in front of her.

 

I asked if something was bothering her, too, and that perhaps that was

why she hurt Bo, whom I knew she loved very much. Through the

curtains she declared, "He was barking and he wouldn't stop even

after I told him to stop." I took a breath and then said, "I think

maybe it's something else, honey." She considered that for a moment

and then replied, "I don't know what it is!" I told her that was

okay and that I didn't know what it was either.

 

A moment later she surprised us by starting to cry. She said, "Oh,

Mommy, I am having a bad thought. I am thinking about Zachary lying

on the cement!" Her tears were really flowing then, and empathizing

with her I let her know that when I saw the little guy there I sure

felt like crying too. Her sobs shortly subsided and then started up

again when she said, "I am really sorry I kicked Bodhi." I said,

"Yes." Then I asked, "Why don't you come out here so we can be sorry

together?"

 

When she emerged from the closet she already had her natural

brightness back. She came out saying, "No, I rather want to play

with Daddy." Jim gave me a knowing grin, rose and took her hand, and

they left together while I sat there in my favorite chair with the

baby at my breast, feeling like the luckiest person in the universe.