Guest guest Posted October 26, 2002 Report Share Posted October 26, 2002 Enlightenment has become almost a dirty word with me. I have strived for it, studied for it, let go of it, clung to it, danced with it and tranced with it. I have gone the extra mile for it, flashed the smile for it, hoping that someday, somehow it would be given to me as an act of grace. I should know better. I studied with a master teacher, Vernon Howard. There was no question about his enlightenment. Every word he said was true and came from the depths of the inner heights. His energy was phenomenal, pure and transcendant. I wanted a piece of it. He died of cancer, his secretary befriended me and she died of cancer. Now my husband has incurable cancer. Somewhere along the line I have become less excited about my own particular nirvana. During the worst days, my husband was so ill he did not know where he was. I knew all too well where I was--in hell. One day when he was in the hospital I came home and sat down at the computer. All of a sudden my bowels released and I messed in the computer chair. I cleaned myself up. The dog had thrown up on my side of the bed near my pillow. I stepped in dog doody and walked it all over the hospital corridors. And strangely enough I knew that I was getting a message of love...of the Mother Theresa variety. I was the unclean person. I also knew during this strange time of trial that everytime I asked for something I would be given an inner message that things would go better if I let things come to me unasked. I was in a no man's land. Who cared about enlightenment when there were unmentionable sufferings occurring in my life? Who cared? My husband's ribs had been broken by the undiagnosed cancer and he looked like a skeleton. Since our daughter had died of the disease as a child, I knew what death looked like. I didn't want it to happen to him. When he got home from the hospital I slept with a skeleton for months. Now he is in remission but I have much more self-esteem than I did when I was seeking enightenment. Enlightenment is cellular, unearned and undiscerned. It is ephemeral, visceral and gut-wrenching. People tell me that I have an aura of peace about me. I know what they mean, for when I look inside I experience it. The sad thing is that my ego with the name and form must undergo panic attacks and frequent true sorrow because she can never be enlightened. I am tired of reading all the endless names of people who teach enlightenment. They have books and tapes and seminars and retreats and introductory trial offers. I know the same things that they do...more's the pity. If you would like to consult with me about gut-wrenching loneliness contained within a peaceful energy field, be my guest. I just don't do seminars. Vicki Woodyard, http://www.bobwoodyard.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 27, 2002 Report Share Posted October 27, 2002 , "skiplaurel" <vicki@b...> wrote: > I know the same things that they do...more's the pity. ))) yes, knowledge is a burden -- the more the heavier -- so why do we feel the need to carry it around as if it were a bag of birds struggling to be released? When the noose is undone, something flies out and breathes easier. Our work is finished. The rest is for the birds. LoveAlways, b Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 27, 2002 Report Share Posted October 27, 2002 , "skiplaurel" <vicki@b...> wrote: > Enlightenment has become almost a dirty word with > me. I have strived for it, studied for it, let go of it, > clung to it, danced with it and tranced with it. I > have gone the extra mile for it, flashed the smile > for it, hoping that someday, somehow it would be > given to me as an act of grace. > > I should know better. I studied with a master > teacher, Vernon Howard. There was no question > about his enlightenment. Every word he said was > true and came from the depths of the inner > heights. His energy was phenomenal, pure and > transcendant. I wanted a piece of it. > > He died of cancer, his secretary befriended me and > she died of cancer. Now my husband has incurable > cancer. Somewhere along the line I have become > less excited about my own particular nirvana. > > During the worst days, my husband was so ill he did > not know where he was. I knew all too well where I > was--in hell. One day when he was in the hospital I > came home and sat down at the computer. All of a > sudden my bowels released and I messed in the > computer chair. I cleaned myself up. The dog had > thrown up on my side of the bed near my pillow. I > stepped in dog doody and walked it all over the > hospital corridors. And strangely enough I knew > that I was getting a message of love...of the > Mother Theresa variety. I was the unclean person. > > I also knew during this strange time of trial that > everytime I asked for something I would be given > an inner message that things would go better if I let > things come to me unasked. I was in a no man's > land. Who cared about enlightenment when there > were unmentionable sufferings occurring in my life? > Who cared? > > My husband's ribs had been broken by the > undiagnosed cancer and he looked like a skeleton. > Since our daughter had died of the disease as a > child, I knew what death looked like. I didn't want it > to happen to him. When he got home from the > hospital I slept with a skeleton for months. > > Now he is in remission but I have much more > self-esteem than I did when I was seeking > enightenment. Enlightenment is cellular, unearned > and undiscerned. It is ephemeral, visceral and > gut-wrenching. > > People tell me that I have an aura of peace about > me. I know what they mean, for when I look inside > I experience it. The sad thing is that my ego with > the name and form must undergo panic attacks and > frequent true sorrow because she can never be > enlightened. > > I am tired of reading all the endless names of > people who teach enlightenment. They have books > and tapes and seminars and retreats and > introductory trial offers. I know the same things > that they do...more's the pity. > > If you would like to consult with me about > gut-wrenching loneliness contained within a peaceful > energy field, be my guest. I just don't do > seminars. > > Vicki Woodyard, http://www.bobwoodyard.com Dear One, One post in 100,000 will take us softly by the hand...... bravely lead us through the hell of humanity............... stand with us in our lonliness......shelter us in our pain and then offer comfort for our hopelessness. You have taken my breath............ Whoever You are.........I love You. Michael Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 27, 2002 Report Share Posted October 27, 2002 , "hrtbeat7" <hrtbeat7> wrote: > , "skiplaurel" <vicki@b...> wrote: > > > > > The rest is for the birds. > You said it Thank you for your reply, b. > > LoveAlways, > > b Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 27, 2002 Report Share Posted October 27, 2002 , "lastrainhome" <lastrain@w...> wrote: > , "skiplaurel" <vicki@b...> wrote: > > Enlightenment has become almost a dirty word with > > me. I have strived for it, studied for it, let go of it, > > clung to it, danced with it and tranced with it. I > > have gone the extra mile for it, flashed the smile > > for it, hoping that someday, somehow it would be > > given to me as an act of grace. > > > > I should know better. I studied with a master > > teacher, Vernon Howard. There was no question > > about his enlightenment. Every word he said was > > true and came from the depths of the inner > > heights. His energy was phenomenal, pure and > > transcendant. I wanted a piece of it. > > > > He died of cancer, his secretary befriended me and > > she died of cancer. Now my husband has incurable > > cancer. Somewhere along the line I have become > > less excited about my own particular nirvana. > > > > During the worst days, my husband was so ill he did > > not know where he was. I knew all too well where I > > was--in hell. One day when he was in the hospital I > > came home and sat down at the computer. All of a > > sudden my bowels released and I messed in the > > computer chair. I cleaned myself up. The dog had > > thrown up on my side of the bed near my pillow. I > > stepped in dog doody and walked it all over the > > hospital corridors. And strangely enough I knew > > that I was getting a message of love...of the > > Mother Theresa variety. I was the unclean person. > > > > I also knew during this strange time of trial that > > everytime I asked for something I would be given > > an inner message that things would go better if I let > > things come to me unasked. I was in a no man's > > land. Who cared about enlightenment when there > > were unmentionable sufferings occurring in my life? > > Who cared? > > > > My husband's ribs had been broken by the > > undiagnosed cancer and he looked like a skeleton. > > Since our daughter had died of the disease as a > > child, I knew what death looked like. I didn't want it > > to happen to him. When he got home from the > > hospital I slept with a skeleton for months. > > > > Now he is in remission but I have much more > > self-esteem than I did when I was seeking > > enightenment. Enlightenment is cellular, unearned > > and undiscerned. It is ephemeral, visceral and > > gut-wrenching. > > > > People tell me that I have an aura of peace about > > me. I know what they mean, for when I look inside > > I experience it. The sad thing is that my ego with > > the name and form must undergo panic attacks and > > frequent true sorrow because she can never be > > enlightened. > > > > I am tired of reading all the endless names of > > people who teach enlightenment. They have books > > and tapes and seminars and retreats and > > introductory trial offers. I know the same things > > that they do...more's the pity. > > > > If you would like to consult with me about > > gut-wrenching loneliness contained within a peaceful > > energy field, be my guest. I just don't do > > seminars. > > > > Vicki Woodyard, http://www.bobwoodyard.com > > > Dear One, > > One post in 100,000 will take us softly by the hand...... > bravely lead us through the hell of humanity............... stand with us in our lonliness......shelter us in our pain and then offer comfort for our hopelessness. > > You have taken my breath............ > > Whoever You are.........I love You. > > > Well, Michael, it felt more like projectile vomiting induced by some weird shaman that had given me a curative noxious weed. "I" didn't write it. It spewed forth and afterwords "I" felt better and definitely healed of something or other. Perhaps it was the other. I appreciate your reply. Just as healing..... > > > Michael Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 27, 2002 Report Share Posted October 27, 2002 The raging storm which flings itself with all its might against Cold Mountain wants nothing but to empty itself at last into the body of its willing lover and come to peace there, soaking into the welcoming soil and dying into life for life's sake only. Who could resist such a lover, who's single aim is but to breathe out one final breath into the mouth of the beloved? The peace that follows the storm is the child the family dotes on, the happy issue of the marriage between heaven and earth. A rainbow smile bridges two kingdoms, and all the relatives rejoice in praise! LoveAlways, b Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 27, 2002 Report Share Posted October 27, 2002 , "hrtbeat7" <hrtbeat7> wrote: > The raging storm which flings itself with > all its might against Cold Mountain > wants nothing but to empty itself at last > into the body of its willing lover and come > to peace there, soaking into the welcoming > soil and dying into life for life's sake only. > > Who could resist such a lover, who's single > aim is but to breathe out one final breath into > the mouth of the beloved? > > The peace that follows the storm is > the child the family dotes on, the happy issue > of the marriage between heaven and earth. > > A rainbow smile bridges two kingdoms, > and all the relatives rejoice in praise! > Did you write this? It is an image of higher purpose, is it not? The earthly sojourn of the soul, unremembered by the poor ego. The peace is only possible because of the storm. It's helpful to remember to hold the opposites consciously when we can. This, too, is an embrace not often experienced. Thank you, Vicki > > > LoveAlways, > > b Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 27, 2002 Report Share Posted October 27, 2002 , "skiplaurel" <vicki@b...> wrote: > Did you write this? ))) i will always attribute an author. > It is an image of higher purpose, is it not? The earthly sojourn of the soul, unremembered by the poor ego. The peace is only possible because of the storm. It's helpful to remember to hold the opposites consciously when we can. This, too, is an embrace not often experienced. It starts in sheets of slow raw drizzle – this mountain storm beginning to sizzle. Then the rain, in chaotic windy shrouds - tonight my moon will be completely obscured by clouds. What of this brightness in the dead of night? What of this darkness at the core of light? There is a whole, of which both are parts – the light and dark of our still secret hearts. ~b "Christ's faithful one said the following: Once my soul was elevated, & I saw the light, the beauty, & the fullness that is in God in a way that I had never seen before in so great a manner. I did not see love there. I then lost the love which was mine, & was made non- love. Afterward, I saw him in a darkness, & in a darkness precisely because the good that he is, is far too great to be conceived or understood. Indeed, anything conceivable or understandable does not attain this good or even come near it. My soul was then granted a most certain faith, a secure & most firm hope, a continual security about God that took away all my fear. In this good, which is seen in the darkness, I recollected myself totally. I was made so sure of God that in no way can I ever entertain any doubts about him or of my possession of him . As I, brother scribe, resisted what she said about this darkness & did not understand her, Christ's faithful one told me by way of explanation: The All Good was all the more certain & superior to everything the more it was seen in darkness & most secret. This is why I see the All Good accompanied with darkness: because it surpasses every good. All else in comparison is but darkness. No matter how far the soul or heart expands itself, all that expanse is less than this good. What I related until now ~ that is, when the soul sees all creation overflowing with God's presence, when it sees the divine power or the divine wisdom ~ all this is inferior to this most secret good, because this good which I see with darkness is the whole, & all other things are but parts .. " ~ Angela of Foligno * "And so the light runs on, all of you showing it forth, now one way, now another. But the inmost feeling, the ineffable sweetness and perfect union -- you cannot describe it with your tongue, which is a finite thing! ... Oh how lovely, how lovely beyond all loveliness, is the dwelling place of the soul's perfect union with me! Not even the soul's own will stands between us, because she has become one thing with me. For the soul is never so perfect in this life that she cannot become yet more perfect in love... Not that you would advance to another stage once you had reached that final [state of union with me]. But you can make that very union grow in whatever kind of perfection you choose with the help of my grace." ~ St. Catherine of Siena LoveAlways, b Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 27, 2002 Report Share Posted October 27, 2002 , "hrtbeat7" <hrtbeat7> wrote: > , "skiplaurel" <vicki@b...> wrote: > > > Did you write this? > > > ))) i will always attribute an author. Forgive the question, but I am new here. That reminds me of a wonderful tv= skit where a nerd is sitting at a bar. The bartender says, "Are you new he= re?" And the guy says, "I'm new everywhere." > > > It is an image of higher purpose, is it not? The earthly > sojourn of the soul, unremembered by the poor ego. The peace is only > possible because of the storm. It's helpful to remember to hold the > opposites consciously when we can. This, too, is an embrace not often > experienced. > > > It starts in sheets of > slow raw drizzle – > this mountain storm > beginning to sizzle. > > Then the rain, > in chaotic > windy shrouds - > > tonight my moon > will be completely > obscured by clouds. > > What of this brightness > in the dead of night? > > What of this darkness > at the core of light? > > There is a whole, > of which both are parts – > > the light and dark > of our still secret hearts. > > ~b > That says it very well. > > > "Christ's faithful one said the following: > Once my soul was > elevated, & I saw the light, the beauty, & the fullness that is > in God in a way that I had never seen before in so great a > manner. > > I did not see love there. I then lost the love which was mine, > & was made non- love. Afterward, I saw him in a darkness, & > in a darkness precisely because the good that he is, is far too > great to be conceived or understood. Indeed, anything > conceivable or understandable does not attain this good or > even come near it. > > My soul was then granted a most certain faith, a secure & > most firm hope, a continual security about God that took away > all my fear. In this good, which is seen in the darkness, I > recollected myself totally. I was made so sure of God that in > no way can I ever entertain any doubts about him or of my > possession of him . As I, brother scribe, resisted what she > said about this darkness & did not understand her, Christ's > faithful one told me by way of explanation: > > The All Good was all the more certain & superior to everything > the more it was seen in darkness & most secret. This is why I > see the All Good accompanied with darkness: because it > surpasses every good. All else in comparison is but darkness. > No matter how far the soul or heart expands itself, all that > expanse is less than this good. > > What I related until now ~ that is, when the soul sees all > creation overflowing with God's presence, when it sees the > divine power or the divine wisdom ~ all this is inferior to this > most secret good, because this good which I see with > darkness is the whole, & all other things are but parts .. " > > ~ Angela of Foligno * > > > > > "And so the light runs on, all of you showing it forth, now one way, > now another. But the inmost feeling, the ineffable sweetness and > perfect union -- you cannot describe it with your tongue, which is a > finite thing! ... Oh how lovely, how lovely beyond all loveliness, is > the dwelling place of the soul's perfect union with me! Not even the > soul's own will stands between us, because she has become one thing > with me. > > For the soul is never so perfect in this life that she cannot become > yet more perfect in love... Not that you would advance to another > stage once you had reached that final [state of union with me]. But > you can make that very union grow in whatever kind of perfection you > choose with the help of my grace." > > ~ St. Catherine of Siena > > > LoveAlways, > > b Thank you, b. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 27, 2002 Report Share Posted October 27, 2002 Enjoying your writing today b. In Shinto Myth it is relationship with The Storm God which brought to light Amaterasu the Sun out of the dark cave. She is Goddess:-) , "hrtbeat7" <hrtbeat7> wrote: > , "skiplaurel" <vicki@b...> wrote: > > > Did you write this? > > > ))) i will always attribute an author. > > > > It is an image of higher purpose, is it not? The earthly > sojourn of the soul, unremembered by the poor ego. The peace is only > possible because of the storm. It's helpful to remember to hold the > opposites consciously when we can. This, too, is an embrace not often > experienced. > > > > It starts in sheets of > slow raw drizzle – > this mountain storm > beginning to sizzle. > > Then the rain, > in chaotic > windy shrouds - > > tonight my moon > will be completely > obscured by clouds. > > What of this brightness > in the dead of night? > > What of this darkness > at the core of light? > > There is a whole, > of which both are parts – > > the light and dark > of our still secret hearts. > > ~b > > > > "Christ's faithful one said the following: > Once my soul was > elevated, & I saw the light, the beauty, & the fullness that is > in God in a way that I had never seen before in so great a > manner. > > I did not see love there. I then lost the love which was mine, > & was made non- love. Afterward, I saw him in a darkness, & > in a darkness precisely because the good that he is, is far too > great to be conceived or understood. Indeed, anything > conceivable or understandable does not attain this good or > even come near it. > > My soul was then granted a most certain faith, a secure & > most firm hope, a continual security about God that took away > all my fear. In this good, which is seen in the darkness, I > recollected myself totally. I was made so sure of God that in > no way can I ever entertain any doubts about him or of my > possession of him . As I, brother scribe, resisted what she > said about this darkness & did not understand her, Christ's > faithful one told me by way of explanation: > > The All Good was all the more certain & superior to everything > the more it was seen in darkness & most secret. This is why I > see the All Good accompanied with darkness: because it > surpasses every good. All else in comparison is but darkness. > No matter how far the soul or heart expands itself, all that > expanse is less than this good. > > What I related until now ~ that is, when the soul sees all > creation overflowing with God's presence, when it sees the > divine power or the divine wisdom ~ all this is inferior to this > most secret good, because this good which I see with > darkness is the whole, & all other things are but parts .. " > > ~ Angela of Foligno * > > > > > "And so the light runs on, all of you showing it forth, now one way, > now another. But the inmost feeling, the ineffable sweetness and > perfect union -- you cannot describe it with your tongue, which is a > finite thing! ... Oh how lovely, how lovely beyond all loveliness, is > the dwelling place of the soul's perfect union with me! Not even the > soul's own will stands between us, because she has become one thing > with me. > > For the soul is never so perfect in this life that she cannot become > yet more perfect in love... Not that you would advance to another > stage once you had reached that final [state of union with me]. But > you can make that very union grow in whatever kind of perfection you > choose with the help of my grace." > > ~ St. Catherine of Siena > > > LoveAlways, > > b Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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