Mazie's cat named Lucky

[Guest guest]

 

Mazie Lane [sraddha54]

Sunday, May 05, 2002 11:42 AM

my cat 'Lucky'

 

Dear Friends,

 

Sometimes a pear, or a particular kind of cat will

awaken a memory of a time when i was so the epitome of

Innocence about Life and Death and Love and Beloved,

and, well, EVERYTHING. For example, this tale:

 

At ten years old i was sent to stay the summer with my

Aunt Lila (how apropos a name!) in Marysville and

later Live Oak. The reason being that i had somehow

drawn that long straw, or is it the short straw, well

anyway, some stick of destiny had been clasped in

these tiny tender child-hands, and i knew i had an

engagement with God in His Office of Life. i was

diagnosed with JRA. Say what, God!? So Saying, He

meant what He said, and it said -

"You better buckle-up for this ONE, Baby!"

 

So to prevent my playing like the Fun-Loving fool that

i was, i was sent to stay in my Aunt's home for the

summer, no children, no games, no stimulation, no form

of finding freedom as a kid in any way. Or so they

thought, Ha! Mazie had her every means and ways of

finding that Center Core of Brightness, even then, oh

God of Love, especially then!

 

The high shrubbery became the deepest, darkest

steaming jungles of Africa. And now, knowing what i

know of my lifetime in Africa the last time out, i

am not surprised at my choice of locations for this

mad adventure of One being many. The Mimosa tree was

never more exotic than when i would climb it

and search the horizon for my Beloved One, for Yes,

yes, even then i was using or being used by this Heart

to send a beacon call to my Beloved One, saying, "HEY!

Over Here Beautiful! i'm living in an

African-California jungle and i am awaiting Your

entrance into my Heart once again!" The dolls that

were kept in plastic wrap and high up on shelves of

memories of when

Auntie's children were little lovers, they found their

way into my world too. They became my congregation,

listening to long-winded sermons about turtles and

silver rings and stories about Daisies who would claim

all Hearts again, Oh! did i ever have a song and dance

down. Little Richard, James Brown, they had NOTHING on

me and my sparkling, spinning, lightening little

hooves a having a harvestball all along that yard's

length. A Cotillion of One!

 

So i spent my summer going to a tiny library that was

but a tiny room or two, but i knew that God had

stuffed that little Mind-Shrine Repository with just

the right books to convey the Immensity of His

His-ness at that juncture in my little ten year old

Heart and Life. i found a book about reincarnation, i

grabbed "The Brothers Karamazov," and i sent my sails

skyward higher then, the "Mahabharata" just rippled my

Mind into endlessness of Bliss long-remembered from

some ancient white temple where i and my Beloved One

had Mated and Communed as One Heart, and oh the

stories about Curious George all intertwined with

Drona's Eyes Seeing, with Krishna reappearing nightly

lifting away every thought of pain held by the

child-mind, that Ancient and Unfathomable Mind held in

a child and with a Heart That had held

SuchSuchnessSoClosely. Myriad of worlds were opened

up,

no bound being in Live Oak or Oroville, nothing held

the pilgrim in that tiny prison of pain unending, for

there was that, THAT which was the Real world, the

real side of Seeing.

 

So on and on this summer goes, and here's the human

side of the Heart of a child being tested-tasted by

Love, by God, by that Indefatigable Beloved

One, it's this:

 

i had been given my very own cat, a kitten chosen by

my Love and by my desire to adore and cherish

something, someONE as my own, my own Beloved,

and this form appeared as this little kitten of black

and white. i named him "Lucky." Oh just so lucky lucky

lucky in Love to have a cat who loved me! i

dressed him up in sweet doll clothes, for he was my

baby darling adorable one. i saved all the best

tidbits of ham or sweet roll or the cream off the

milk we got in bottles, and i would serve my Darling

Kittyness of God each day. We were inseparable, as in,

"Oh there's Lucky, and OH! there's Mazie,

so where to find Mazie for supper? Find that Lucky cat

a lagging along after that child."

 

It was a test of every fiber of my Heart-strength to

have to go away for that summer and leave him behind.

i begged my Daddy, (for that's what i called my sweet

papa) to allow me to take him with me, but alas, my

Auntie could not be around cats for the reason of an

allergy, (OR SO THEY TOLD ME!)

 

Lucky was left in the care of my family, and i was

assured that when i returned we could take up where we

left off in our communal gladness as kidness loving

catness and right on around the circle. So this is the

thing that happened. Ahhh! Life is a Kissing Fool! And

i was all open-mouthed Innocence and bravery and

acceptance and insanity at everything ever after

about Life and it all. So, this:

 

i remember it as clearly as this Moment before me Now,

i was standing in the back African jungle, beneath a

gigantic blue-mauve Hydrangea bush, and it

towered over me, and Daddy towered above me like a

giant obelisk blocking out the sun. and the giant

blockage was trying to say something to me but i

could not quite make out and understand anything It

was mouthing out at me.

 

i had a Bartlett pear in my hands, half-eaten, the

sweet and sticky juices still clinging to my lips and

dripping down my angelic face, for it was an

angelic face! Beloved God had it in mind to try to

make a wicked wild wonder of the future look like a

cherubic angelic ray of Light as a child who would

tread upon every sacred valley and every high and

lofty mountain path to find her Beloved One. And this

Father is saying this, for i can finally

understand the words the sentence of utter despair and

heartbreak. He said so clearly now, and so filled with

caring and Love, -

 

"Baby Sunshine, your cat got kilt yesterday. Lucky was

taken after playing in the road with another kitty."

 

And then the Darkness. The Horror, the Despair, the

Utter Agony of all that could ever be imagined as

Horror and Pain in a young heart who trusted in

that name, "LUCKY!" i dropped the pear mid-bite, i

dropped to the earth and fainted full away in this

revelation that i could not, could not contain in

my tiny Heart-bud vase of Love. For He had just

proclaimed that my Beloved, my best chum and friend

had been snatched into Oblivion, and without so much

as a good-by Meow. i resented everyone, everything,

and especially my mother and father for making me

leave my home to stay "inactive." i made a cruel

and spiteful vow in that instant to play so hard, to

run so far, to leap and dance and flip about til my

entire body and bones just crumbled into dust

that screamed in pain. i did not care about anything

except Lucky and his sweet memory being held high by

my actions of getting even for this, for this

unbelievable Horror of Death and all it filed my heart

with. i knew that there was no death, knew what dying

meant, and yet, i did not give a flip about that, i

was grief-stricken and betrayed and bereft and no one,

no one could help me in this Absolute Aloneness.

 

i learned much at that ten year old mind-crushing

thing. Oh so, a cat died one might say, so what, they

do it all the time, and people die and there's a maybe

mind-split, but this, THIS cat was the Beloved filling

in for my Beautiful Beloved One, and he had just been

squashed into a furry platter of frisbeeness.

 

So later i'll tell about my adventure in nearly

resurrecting him by digging up his (most likely)

rotting little corpse to hold and to say "i'm so sorry

i left you and forgive me and please come back to

life,"but that is another story all together my

beloveds.

 

Love,

Mazie

 

 

 

 

 

 

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