Adventures at Rasa Ranch #99

[Guest guest]

12/30/02 "Facing Fear at Five"

 

An opportunity arose for Ananda to join a group of other local and

like-minded children for play and learning for several half-days a

week. We were all excited for this new change and the chance for our

daughter to spread her wings. The teacher told us that Ananda needed

to have a brief checkup with the doctor in order to enroll and we

said okay. Ananda, however, refused this. She told us she wanted to

join the playgroup but she did not want to go to the doctor. When we

told her that she had to do one in order to do the other she decided

not to do either one. She was adamant.

 

Jim and I talked it over a lot. Her responses to our questioning made

it clear that she really did want to be in the playgroup and that she

didn't want to go to the doctor only because it was her first time

and she was scared. She didn't know exactly why she was scared. We

discussed having the checkup waived for "religious reasons" or

something like that, but we came to the conclusion that there was

more value in having her go through with it.

 

Not wanting to force her to go against her will we tried different

ideas in getting Ananda to come around, but it got to where she would

cover her ears whenever she even suspected that we were going to bring

it up. Also, we noticed she was starting to show signs of stress. We

decided to drop the matter altogether and we let it go for many days.

 

 

Then late last night Ananda and I were hanging out together and it was

quiet and still. I wondered how to handle this issue because the date

of her appointment was approaching. I decided that since I really

didn't know what to do I would just trust that the answer would come,

and right then, to my utter delight, it totally did! I said, "Honey,

I want to say something and I really want you to hear it inside you."

After I got her okay and full attention I gently and firmly told her,

"You are going to go to the doctor even though I undestand you don't

want to. How would you like for it to be?" She started to react. I

tried to tell her the insight that had come to me: that since the

appointment was all hers, she could make it be any way she wanted it

to be, whether it be horrible or nice or funny or scary, that it was

all up to her, but in that moment she didn't care.

 

She started to scream and sob. It was as if she was realizing for the

very first time her own vulnerablity in that there were circumstances

in her life that were beyond her control. I held her and gave her a

pillow to put up to her face. "Let it all come out, sweetie," I told

her, and she cried real hard into it until she got sweaty and I mopped

the sides of her face and forehead with a wet cloth. It almost felt

as if she was giving birth. Then she finally got tired, asked me to

hold her all night, told me she really loved me too, that she would

try to fly in her dreams and she fell fast asleep.

 

This morning she woke up bright and cheerful, brimming with love and

peace. To our surprise she didn't mention the events of the previous

night all day long. This evening her dad and I introduced it by

casually asking her if she decided how she wanted her appointment to

be. She told us quite simply that she wanted it to be "nice" and we

asked her how we could help her to make it nice. She came up with

some good ideas. To our wonder and gratitude there doesn't seem to

be any tension about it anymore. Jim and I have decided to do

something really special with her afterwards.

 

 

[fun picture included]

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