a deeper truth why i still read

[Guest guest]

a deeper truth why i still read

 

i look in the experiences now of others

of Buddha of Jesus

of those who have seen god felt god heard god fallen in love with god

all those who quietly and loudly and middle wayly find this love

surrender and are born anew

fresh and eternal

 

while i abhor what sounds untrue when it is empty words

whether messages preached steeped in tradition or new aged

and adore simplicity adore what sounds true

however raw and brutally honest

this love intoxicates mesmerizes calls me loves me

into words flowing with another level of language

unsuited to everyday living

yet

it feels true for me

is living presence expressing for me through me

 

now i search for what cannot be found out there but i still search

i cannot be with you in person right now

gazing in your eyes

not even knowing which you i would be with

awakened so happy you are with me

all with me

so i find you in everything

wondering how you stand for your love

i do not know how to justify my love

is it possible?

how have you all stood there surrendered

veils cast to the wind

free

one model Jesus lasted 3 years and died for this

that doesn't give me hope or a direction my mind likes

in the past others sat on mountains and under trees emanating stillness

current others create whole products institutions communities around them

it costs a lot to see many of them access many of them in form

current others remain anonymous servants humbly true

current others see the humour and pointlessness and do nothing

past and current and future others

continue to flow grace free in the silence now

( )

 

do i express my truth or do i go silent?

does it serve any purpose to put this in words

such little containers

and yet i am speaking

as if i had a choice

when really

these words are coming flooding forth gushing forth rising

birthed by my love for you

cast by my death in you

loved into being by my total embrace of you

an embrace true to the deepest of my ability in this moment

i will trust you

and know that

it is ok that i still reach out for you

my mind still wishes

to understand

how i can serve you when it is met with such doubt

my mind does not know how to do this

but i've decided i'm bringing it with me

i won't leave this part behind it can transform too

so we're all jumping

into the abyss of the unknown

using wording to meet the wordless

i'll see you between the words!

in this holy space here and now

loving loving loving my holy grace

 

josie