It's Not Always Rosy At Rasa Ranch

[Guest guest]

- Kheyala

Thursday, January 23, 2003 8:44 PM

 

Dearest Mira,

 

Sometimes I hate myself so much that I wish I were dead.

 

I have recently discovered that it is because of every day abuse by my

mother that I have this feeling, and it has been arising many times in

me very strongly lately. I don't even know it sometimes that I am

having this feeling until I have already been very cruel to myself,

or am thinking (or even behaving) in a mean way toward my daughter

(who never deserves it!). I keep on having to apologize to her for

things that I am doing unconsciously, and I want it all to stop!

 

I have amazing beauty, truly amazing beauty, all around me in my life

but I am not able to enjoy it because I am still believing what is

false.

 

I think you may be the only person on the earth who can help me,

because I was free of this when I was in your physical presence and

for a long time afterwards. I so crave to experience my natural

freedom that I know is always available! I crave it for my children

the most. (I have attached a picture of Ananda and Zachary so you

can see them again.)

 

I love you. I am crying so hard right now. I know I must love and

trust my self the most. Please help me.

 

Kheyala

 

P.S. I just remembered that you may be in India right now but I still

feel that if I send this to you, your help will come to me anyway. I

can imagine you are having an incredible visit to Arunachala!