Adventures at Rasa Ranch #102 - for Doug of Peace and Love

[Guest guest]

2/2/03 "Obliterating the Shrapnel"

 

This morning Ananda innocently stepped onto one of those Mommy-mines

and just before the explosion could be heard or felt by the other

inhabitants of our home, I shoved the baby into Jim's arms and bolted

out the door. After slugging the punching bag that hangs invitingly

on our porch a few times, I pulled the gloves off, slammed them down

onto the floor and then ran full-speed, still in my slippers, up the

long driveway.

 

"It's...Not...Me..." were the words that were being born in my heart.

"It's Not Me" kept repeating itself and I could feel it reverberating

throughout the cells of my body until it finally grew big enough to

come out of my mouth in a roar. Running. Running.

 

I hit the top of the driveway where it meets the road, put my hands on

my hips, paced a little, and then stood at peace for a moment catching

the rest of my breath and watching the steam it was making. "Dwagon

bweath," I thought. Then, turning back and making my way toward the

house, I saw her.

 

She was naked, but for her warmest coat and shoes, and her little feet

were taking turns moving fast toward me. When we met I scooped her up

into my arms. I wanted to make certain she knew that the anger I had

was never for her. She surprised me by asking, "Is it because of

your mom?" and to this I simply replied, "Yes."

 

Then she was quiet and I began to carry her back home. "I wish I was

your mommy," she said. "You do?" I asked, and she continued, "I

would be vewy nice to you and I would not be angwy." I got teary.

"Thank you, sweetheart," I said, giving her a squeeze, "I know you

will be a great mommy one day." She nodded.