FW: Kheyala ( and Mazie) Dearest

[Guest guest]

Dear Ones,

 

 

After reading Kheyala's and then Mazie's "stuff" I was grateful and so

appreciated this openness of our not-so-perfect parts that I feel inspired

to

write back (even though it is immensly trying as my spelling is going south

and I have always been a two-fingered typer.)

 

I have always felt that even the "evilest" humanity has to offer is inside

us

all and it is all just a question of degrees and circumstances and buttons

being pushed. ( Do you ever get the feeling like at least half of what you

want to say is backround and probabaly un-needed but just as insurance, you

give it up?)

 

I have also known deep down that it is okay, that it is "God given" as

everything else. BTW, Kheyala and Mazie, I am 48, my wife, Sarah is 28, the

two kids I have from this marriage are Madison 3, and Malia nearly 2. I am

also a firm believer in the easy come- easy go flu.... *and* I blow up at

them

all the time. I frequently think we should call Father Damien for Madison,

and

I would, but for the times that I'm sure *I* would be the one who would

start

cussing him out and head-spinning as the holy water walked through the door.

;-) I say this with humor, but at the time it is and I mean *IS* scary. So

Kheyala, I may join your ND parent group just to give you company if not

wisdom...( don't pin a medal on me yet, as Elvis Costello says)

 

When I was a little boy, my father said to me once, after asking him if he

believed in God and if so, why didn't he go to church, " The God (and I'm

parphrasing) ..the god they teach and speak about seems not even as

compassionate as *me*. (He was encredulous.) The god I hear about from the

churches I've been to, are all shouting about sin, and *eternal*

damnation...@@$#!!!*&*..and repentance and..., if I have more compassion

than

their god, I want no part of it! What kind of a god is that, if even your

father is nicer?" That struck me to the core....God's got to be *way* nicer

and compassionate and loving than *my father.* (A tall, but not unreasonable

order.) Give me that with fries, please.

 

When i was going through difficult marriage issues, I came upon Saniel

Bonder

and the "Waking Down" work. (I ordered his book.) Now ...one of the most

unique

things about his approach and probably because he recognizes it's

importance,

is what he refers to as "greenlighting." (I am not a fulfledged believer or

negater of his teaching, my thoughts about that kind of judgement are along

the lines of, "there are as many "paths" as there are people!)

 

This is probably one of *the* things that *still* I haven't realised the

full

import of....and that is one of accepting yourself *as you are*.

>From the Waking Down book:

 

"Take a mug shot"- a police station snapshot of an arrested person- "of your

body-mind exactly as it is. This is the one who is going to wake up. Welcome

to that wonderfully relieving and terribly distressing reality. Right, you

don't have to change all the parts of yourself in order to be able to

awaken.

You don't have to worry about that any more. Just do exactly as Being

requires- which it will reveal to you, don't worry!

"So that's the good news. The bad news is, guess who awakens? You,

essentially

as you have always known yourself to be! Not some squeaky clean, saintly,

superhuman version of you. No- just you, as you are and have been. That's

right, awakening does not blissfully relieve you of all the parts of

yourself

you really hoped would disappear. Welcome home!

<snip>

It occurs to me that greenlighting is probably better for our usage that

accepting would be anyway. Accepting implies or at least often connotes a

resignation to things as they appear to be.Greenlighting implies giving

permission for motion, for change, for a sequence of transformations to

occur

that allow you to find out who and what you are, and how it is most natural

for All of your nature to be revealed and expressed over time.

*******

Shawn:

So, an important aspect in accepting yourself is really *ACCEPTING*

yourself,

and even *that* is not your *real* self, that "stuff" is heredity, impulse,

NATURE...the ego or *action of identity* and...

What happens, and it *has* already happened this way for you Kheyala...is

that

you get to see it...no, I mean SEE it ....while Being it, but the fact that

you get to see it means *YOU* are not *it*.... at least not entirely...you

see?

 

And so you become somewhat interested in it (like a freak show, I admit) and

that distance, at first maybe because of shame or guilt, can be simply

because

of the noticing of it without those identity/judgements. You see you are up

to

your old tricks again,...*you've* got something to do, *you've* got an

agenda

that is being impinged upon by your baby....you see how the "person you are

being"is a character in the Great Play of Life and you as "actor" have

mistaken your*self* for the *character* you are playing.

 

That's all---too much vodka...but I am reminded ...there is a wonderful

short

movie called Who Am I This Time, with Christopher Walken and Susan Sheridan

that was written by non other than Kurt Vonegut Jr. Seek it out or read the

short story..it's grand ...

 

and so are you, WE, All One

 

love and thank yous

Shawn