Adventures at Rasa Ranch #107

[Guest guest]

[This story is dedicated to Mazie and b]

 

3/23/03 "It's All About Love"

 

This morning something was bugging Ananda. She was incessantly

pestering me and the baby and was also asking me to do many things

for her that I knew she was capable of doing herself. This behavior

of hers was bugging me pretty bad, too. When I showed her some of my

irritation she asked me to hold her. But she didn't just ask. She

whined. It had the quality of craving in it, much like the yearning

for any addictive substance, and it made me want to scream. I felt a

strong, but familiar piercing feeling in my heart and my whole body

and mind resisted this. When I became aware that this resistance was

present all I could do was surrender to that fact, and that, by grace,

was enough to stop me from reacting in the anger that I had certainly

been feeling. Even in clarity, however, it didn't seem right to give

her what she was asking for, or in other words, to give her a "fix."

 

So I told her I would hold her but not right that minute and her

instant negative reaction confirmed my intuition. I took a deep

breath and asked her what else she wanted. Ananda told me that she

wanted *everything* and then began naming things, to which I simply

nodded and listened and said "okay." But then, after a pause, she

whined again that she wanted me to hold her. Voila! There was that

zinger again in my heart and my utter resistance, but then also the

awareness of it coupled with the lack of (by grace) fighting with it.

I took a deep breath and told her I would hold her soon, but not

quite yet. Spontaneously it occurred to me to ask her why she wanted

me to. "What would you get?" I asked. It didn't take long for her to

answer. "Love."

 

"Do you mean to tell me you don't have love now?" I asked skeptically.

She told me she didn't but I didn't believe her. I moved my face

closer to hers but she turned away. "Is that really the truth?" I

asked. I put my finger under her chin and lifted and turned her face

to meet mine. She squinted her eyes shut, refusing to meet my gaze.

"You tell me something that's true," I said, "and then I will hold

you." She paused for a moment and then looked right up at me and

stated, "I do have love."

 

The great thing about this is that she honestly didn't say it like she

was giving me the answer I was looking for. She said it like she had

just discovered something fresh for the first time.

 

"Yes! You do!" I exclaimed with joy and sparkles that I knew she

could see in my eyes. She started to smile and I eagerly picked her

up onto my lap. While her arms were still wrapped around my neck in

a big embrace I asked her if she knew why she always had it. "Why?"

she asked, and I whispered to her ear, "Because you ARE it."

 

Then suddenly she jumped up and said, "You know what I want to do now?

I want to make beautiful pictures for everybody! Don't tell Daddy.

It will be a surpwise." And then she was off.

 

It's an hour later now and she is still at it, working on her own, and

giving us "pwesents" made with enthusiasm and pride by her own hand.