Through the eyes of a child

[Guest guest]

The combination of Harshaji's post on children and spirituality and a

chance meeting of the eyes this morning with the child about whom I

wrote this short story some months ago prompted me to share it with

you...there is hope for All of us, young and old...lucky for us, we

do get to carry over the credits into our next incarnation :-)

 

November 24, 2002

 

I am home today and it is quiet. Yesterday was a hectic day, our

birthday party for my Jesse, just turned three...We are at

Jesse’s birthday party...There is a little girl from his

class...I will call her Mabelle...A beautiful little child, Asian...I

do not know just what is the country of her heritage. She is sitting

across the table from me, a little 3 year old girl at a birthday

party for a little three year old boy. Yet I look into her eyes and

see 3,000 years. She looks at me with her unabashed stare deep into

my eyes as I look back at her, both of us locked together. There is

almost an emptiness in her gaze...yet it is not without intelligence

and it has no emotion that I can pinpoint...but her eyes hold

me...the eyes of a child....I smile back into her face, not in

embarrassment, but in an effort to communicate with her across the

table. She continues to stare at me and does not flinch.

She is so alone...all of the other kids at the party had their faces

painted, except her. A modesty that seems unfair to her, for the

tender age she is. Even I got my hand painted! I get goose bumps as

I look at her. She just does not break her gaze. But no matter what,

there is no expression, until maybe near the end of the party later,

when I see her precious little mouth show just the slightest smile.

Back to this moment, I can see that she is just as fascinated with me

as I am with her. She is looking into my eyes trying to figure me out

as much as I her. We both feel the connection. I get goose bumps as I

write this and when I think about her today as I go about my day.

It is as if she is trapped and needs to be freed...but this may not

come for her until she is old enough to understand. I turn to her

mother and I tell her..."Your daughter is very special. She is mature

way beyond her years." Her mother begins to try to explain her to

me...and says, " She does well in school, but is very quiet and

distant. I was thinking of taking her to a specialist to make sure

she is OK." I look over at Mabelle again...we look into each

other’s eyes and I get goose bumps again. I turn back to her

mother, an alarm siren going off inside of me at the thought of some

specialist getting his or her hands on this precious child. "You do

not need to worry about her. When I say that she is special, I feel

that she is very spiritual. There is something about her." I pull up

my sleeve and show her mother my bare arm, my goose bumps. "She gives

me goose bumps," I tell her mother.

She recoils in surprise and I see a certain fear in her eyes as she

looks at my arm, filled with goose bumps. I tell her..."Don’t

be afraid. I feel good from her. There will come the day when she

will blossom.. You must be patient. Do not take her to any kind of

specialist. I don’t know if you believe in God," she starts,

almost flinches, as I strike a nerve...I continue..."but what I am

trying to tell you is that your daughter is with God. I can feel it.

I see her face relax as my words sooth a mother’s soul which

has been wracked with worry over her child. If we were not at a

party, she probably would have cried. I can see the pain in her eyes.

 

At the end of the party, I put out a little collection of dollar store

toys for the kids to pick their own party favor. I walk away. When I

come back, I see that Mabelle has chosen a long white satiny dress

with a rainbow colored waist sash. I go over to her and her mom. I

bend down and say to her mom.."Look what a pretty dress she

picked...does she have a Barbie doll?" (What can I tell you,

that’s the way they make the female dolls here...and everywhere

:-)

Her mother looks perplexed and says "NO. She does not have any dolls.

She likes the animals and more boy toys." There are boy things on

the table...farm animals...forest animals. Interesting. She then

proceeded to talk to Mabelle. I do not hear their words, but you can

see that she is trying to get Mabelle to pick something else. I

decide to let her look again. I tell her to pick whatever she

wanted...that we would walk away and let her choose. She then chooses

a little girl makeup set that I had just put out so that there would

be more girl toys. Other than that, all that was left were boy toys

and more doll clothes. She chose the girl set.

Postscript: I had written this partly for the benefit of someone on a

listserv who had gallantly taken it upon himself to psychoanalyze me

offlist. Ah, yes, I have been branded as crazy by many :-) His

concern was that my language and choice of words in my posts were too

feminine and did not have enough balance, ie, maleness, what he called

the "male indicators" were missing from my posts :-). Moral of the

story as I expressed it to him? While I might not use language or

generate male vibes, when we were done with each other, this little

girl opened up to feel some feminine part of herself that she had

never expressed before in her home. Maybe that was why I had so

much, so I could give it to her :-) Whether she got me to feel some

masculine part of myself remains to be seen and not heard.

Most importantly, she reminded to be in awe of All That Is. I had

that sweet feeling in my Heart ( I call it bliss) for the rest of the

day after she and I exchanged...something. I wonder did she have that

feeling too? Was that what she was looking for this morning when she

tried to lock gazes with me again? I wish I could have felt it again

myself. Parting is such sweet sorrow...maybe tomorrow. (Hi Rumi, are

you missing it too?)

All I know is that I was determined to give her a doll and I did. She

will get that white dress back. It just so happened that among our

collection of toys, there was a beautiful little Ariel doll, all

dressed up for Spring. So, when I was done with Mabelle, she had a

new doll, a mermaid doll who turns into a human doll when you remove

her mermaid tail, and I gave her back the white dress she had chosen

at the party. As for what she exchanged with me, for surely I

received something from the exchange, the jury is still out...All in

the Oneness of Infinity...Blessed be.