bird bhava of what is

[Guest guest]

Temporarily left in the lurch of self-doubt and alone

like the alone i felt when Daddy died and Mother

made no bones about telling anyone who'd listen

that she no longer had a daughter named Mazie,

today i felt the memory-wind rise in ancient identification

of mind made crazy by the hazy smoke of samsakaras

trying to sell a bill of goods to a good, good little devotee.

 

It was all water under the family bridge, okay,

laughing and rippling off to some anonymous, open-minded

sea of me,

an inquiry ocean of floating nonattachment with thousands

and thousands

of little disembarking vasana rats

leaping ship, leaving the raft of persona-wanna-be's behind

by betraying their hidden agenda authored

by rodent-ego as divine edict,

and if i were a guy i'd be standing here with my goods in my hands

while handing out bullshit about myself that is only

partially true.

 

i knew the assessments were wrong about Yogananda today,

but for some odd and mysterious reason

i was supposed to experience what others felt,

what my friends felt who were going through grand mal "Seize Hers'"

when they realized the one they idolized, the one they trusted

was not what they had imagined them to be.

 

i was seized with a great mourning and a superb grief,

for about five minutes, so you see,

i didn't actually relive the bit about my Dad and my Mom,

and i didn't actually doubt my Guru and what he is.

 

But hey, if i had held the emotion longer

or been carried blindly along

in the throng and song of the core story and the personal myth

unfolding,

i might have actually felt like an orphan for more than five minutes.

But i didn't.

i felt like a free range bird,

a goose from a large family of geese who loved me,

with a broken wing,

a wing broken and twisted by another bird,

a brother bird caught up in the play and the drama,

and like a dash or a comma in a stroke of light,

i became the Delight of being done and donned as the pawn

of Perfection and Harmony making

a very fine point by yanking my wing out of joint.

 

And it was alright.

It was okay, it was fine

and i didn't mind because it was what it was and so was i.

 

There is a fine goose floating on the waves of the bay tonight,

unruffled and unconcerned that he's been turned into a flightless form

of That Which Informs As Presence.

 

With a guru or without a guru,

with feathered arms of hollowed bones or arms that drag like stone,

we wing into the harmlessness of this night on broken wings

and dreams that are no more,

and everywhere we land is rest,

and everywhere the shore.

 

Love-Struck dumb with watery bird wisdom,

Light is rippling through every pore

and the moon is pouring out Dharma stories we will read

in the sheen and glint of a hint of truth

reflecting off the feathers of a broken-winged bird

wandering unconcerned among the dunes

and into the sea.

 

 

LoveAlways,

 

 

Mazie & b

[Guest guest]

, "mazie_l" <sraddha54@h...>

wrote:

>

> Temporarily left in the lurch of self-doubt and alone

>

 

i bow to you!Thank you for the brilliant honesty!

 

yes,this is also so - the good, the bad, the ugly...

why idolise any guru? hear and learn, but they are human too...

the hindus have a robust attitude to their gods - worship them and

take them to the river[to be dissolved]

the quest for self-transformation is not riding of into the sunset

there are fires of baptism to be gone through

sometimes gurus deliberately behave that way to break of any feelings

of attachment that the chelas are forming with them 'projecting their

dependency needs'

to get rid of the ego, one must have a helathy ego in the first place

[hence dharma eightfolfd path etc]

 

because the path of yoga is hard [advaita.dvaita, whatever]

the wily hindus[me being one] had stages: student, householder,

vanaprastha,sannyasi - giving ordinary humans a chance to get

everything out of their system [until their desires had evaporated

and they were literally toothless]

now being Kaliyuga, such boundaries are blurred and everyone is

talking about having samadhis and instant nirvana....

haha