Fear

[Guest guest]

It was quite scary! A little over 24 hours later and I'm still

wondering what the heck this fear is all about. I work at a

domestic violence shelter during the night time hours.

I have this sweet little job, tending to the needs of others

throughout the night. Those that are afraid, helping them through

their fear, letting them know they are not alone, that they are safe

now, etc. etc.

All was quiet in the wee dark morning hours. Everyone tucked into their beds, safe and sound.

I looked upon our camera monitors -- that covers the entire inner and

outer surroundings of our safe little haven -- and there was an

intruder, walking outside, coming upon one of the doors. Somehow

they had climbed the 10 foot fence that surrounded the place.

It felt as if I was in a nightmare that burglers were in my home. I

became frozen for an instant, just as I did in my nightmare.

I began pushing the alarm buttons, furiously, all to no avail. I only

turned them off and back on, over and over, instead of pushing the

correct code for 911 I was supposed to.

I gave up and picked up the phone to call 911. :-) The police were

there within a minute. They searched the premises, checked that the

doors and windows were secure, and found no one. They promised to

watch the place for the rest of the night.

***********

I don't know why I panicked so, except that I'm human. Fear overcame

all safety I was feeling. All that spiritual wisdom and knowing went

out the window. Knowing we were safe within locked premises did

nothing for me. I don't know why I reacted this way. It has me

baffled. I've faced so many worse inner fears that this should have

been a piece of cake. Outer fears I usually react to with a knowing

smile.

I wanted to write this just to vent. As I reread what I wrote before

clicking 'send now', I have a smile on my face. I was human for

years, living on a roller coaster full of fears, afraid of being me,

always being what someone else wanted me to be. And then I

discovered my spirit and being full of spiritual fears of becoming

who I am. Working hard facing all these fears. Now I'm just

becoming me. Fears and all.

I realized now my bafflement. My one last fear to face -- I had been

afraid of being afraid... afraid of being fully human, fully me. LOL

 

Love,

xxxtg

[Guest guest]

, Teegee555@a... wrote:

> I became fearful early yesterday morning.

>

> It was quite scary! A little over 24 hours later and I'm still

wondering

> what the heck this fear is all about. I work at a domestic

violence shelter

> during the night time hours.

>

> I have this sweet little job, tending to the needs of others

throughout the

> night. Those that are afraid, helping them through their fear,

letting them

> know they are not alone, that they are safe now, etc. etc.

>

> All was quiet in the wee dark morning hours. Everyone tucked into

their

> beds, safe and sound.

>

> I looked upon our camera monitors -- that covers the entire inner

and outer

> surroundings of our safe little haven -- and there was an intruder,

walking

> outside, coming upon one of the doors. Somehow they had climbed

the 10 foot

> fence that surrounded the place.

>

> It felt as if I was in a nightmare that burglers were in my home.

I became

> frozen for an instant, just as I did in my nightmare.

>

> I began pushing the alarm buttons, furiously, all to no avail. I

only turned

> them off and back on, over and over, instead of pushing the correct

code for

> 911 I was supposed to.

>

> I gave up and picked up the phone to call 911. :-) The police

were there

> within a minute. They searched the premises, checked that the

doors and

> windows were secure, and found no one. They promised to watch the

place for the

> rest of the night.

> ***********

>

> I don't know why I panicked so, except that I'm human. Fear

overcame all

> safety I was feeling. All that spiritual wisdom and knowing went

out the window.

> Knowing we were safe within locked premises did nothing for me. I

don't

> know why I reacted this way. It has me baffled. I've faced so

many worse inner

> fears that this should have been a piece of cake. Outer fears I

usually react

> to with a knowing smile.

>

> I wanted to write this just to vent. As I reread what I wrote

before

> clicking 'send now', I have a smile on my face. I was human for

years, living on a

> roller coaster full of fears, afraid of being me, always being what

someone

> else wanted me to be. And then I discovered my spirit and being

full of

> spiritual fears of becoming who I am. Working hard facing all

these fears. Now I'm

> just becoming me. Fears and all.

>

> I realized now my bafflement. My one last fear to face -- I had

been afraid

> of being afraid... afraid of being fully human, fully me. LOL

>

> Love,

> xxxtg

 

It is good that you can turn primal fear into a gift. There are many

kinds of shelter, tg. Yours is apparently a very vast love.

 

Love

Bobby G.