Guest guest Posted September 14, 2003 Report Share Posted September 14, 2003 9/13/03 Maybe it was the four-hour drive with the children. Or maybe it was the scorching heat in the used car lot we were held up at for two more hours, along with Ananda's incessant whines for something to eat and Zacky's insatiable urge to move his body in a place not safe enough to put him down. Whatever it was, as soon as the children were calm and okay, I started to unhinge. Jim, in his ever-rational demeanor, tried to have a discussion with me about what was happening, but before he even got started I interrupted the attempt with a defiant "No!" and a simultaneous fist-slam on the table in front of me. (Boy, did that get our attention!) I said, "You are going to point out how unclear my thinking is. Well, I am quite aware of that! What I need (voice cracking) is for you to love me anyway..." Already looking directly into my eyes he immediately and involuntarily said, "I love you" on top of my "anyway." "...Love me anyway," I repeated, but in the meantime he had leapt out of his seat and wrapped his arms around me tightly and those words ended up being muttered into his ear. In the strength and total sincerity of his embrace, I felt all of my tension drop down and leave through my feet. And with a new sensation of calmness filling the space it had left, I had the recognition of something that had already been present, but what seemed to be fresh and startlingly new: the fact that yes, I did indeed love myself...anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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