Adventures at Rasa Ranch #135

[Guest guest]

11/19/03

 

When I picked Ananda up at kindergarten today, she was crying.

Apparently one of the older girls in her class who had a reputation

for being somewhat of a bully had been rough with her. I stood Zack

on his feet and he toddled off while I sat down, pulling Ananda onto

my lap. I wiped away her tears with a gentle hand and asked, "What

happened, sweetheart?" "Well," she answered, sniffling, "I was on

the swing and Wachel yelled at me to get off." She continued, "I

told her to 'say please' and then suddenly she yanked me off the

swing weal hawd and it huwt me."

 

"Aw, honey," I cooed softly as we found the places that hurt and

rubbed them, but meanwhile I was saying to myself, 'say please?' It

made me cringe. I mean, if you really want to make somebody who is

already angry even more angry, just tell them to say please! 'Of

course,' I was thinking, 'Ananda most likely learned that fancy

technique from me...(ugh)', since I have definitely been known to

employ variations of it at those times when my daughter has made

demands.

 

After a few moments of sitting there in quiet recovery together, at

Ananda's request we went over to the swings and we tried to talk to

Rachel about what happened. Even though I remembered to make a

little prayer that the words come out clean and pure from my heart, I

doubt that anything that was uttered actually landed anywhere in her.

As a matter of fact, to prove that, before the bell was sounded and

the first and second graders ran back up the hill to continue with

their school day, I witnessed Rachel pulling the same act on another

kindergartner, who happened to be the one I was supposed to watch for

an hour or so after school. It saddened me to see this one, Shanti,

react in fearful submission.

 

As soon as the other kids had left the scene, I brought it up. "I

noticed that Rachel wasn't treating you girls very nicely today."

Ananda and Shanti were happily swinging at this point, and I knew I

had their attention. I continued, "Well, I think that's great

because now you've got a chance to shine and be very strong with

her." As she swung back and forth, Shanti's eyes were riveted on me.

After all, she had been living next door to Rachel all her life and

was ready to hear more of what this new perspective had to offer.

 

"You've got to be strong, you know, because if you're not, then Rachel

will just keep on acting meaner. So let's think of some things we can

say to Rachel." Before long, I had the two girls chanting after me:

"No." (No!), "Please stop." (Please stop!), "It's not okay to talk

to me like that." ( " ) "It's not okay to touch me that way." ( " )

They hollered out their words enthusiastically, yet seriously at

first. Then it started to get funny and we did it until we were

laughing and Ananda started using alien language, like saying

"Boogley bo!" for 'no' and "Boogley bop!" for 'please stop,' and I

said, "Very good!" because that meant they got it.

 

When Shanti's mom came to pick her up I told her what had happened.

She was grateful for our little lesson. In fact, she said, "Gosh, I

really needed words like that the other day when my brother blew up

at me and I was just stumped!" "Yeah," I answered, nodding, "I know

exactly what that feels like." I explained that somehow it was much

easier for me to know what to do when I saw it happen right in front

of me, to the children. She said she understood and thanked me for

having the little pep talk with the girls.

 

Tonight as I tucked Ananda into bed, we were lying quietly together

for a while and when I saw that her eyes were closed, I asked her to

imagine that Rachel was standing right there in front of her. We

repeated those lines from earlier and it felt very real, very strong,

and very good. I look forward to finding out how things go in the

next few days at the schoolyard.