Guest guest Posted November 22, 2003 Report Share Posted November 22, 2003 11/21/03 Jim and I had reached an impasse. Inadvertently, we had constructed a pair of "protective" shells around ourselves and it had gotten to the point where it was just too painful to utter a single word to each other. It was completely dark in the living room except for the dancing orange light from the flames in the woodstove. The children were asleep and the only sounds to be heard were the hum of the refrigerator and the occasional crackle from the fire. It was a peaceful scene, all right, but the internal tension was thick. "I don't want it to be like this between us," I said softly. Jim stared into the fire for a bit and then finally spoke up, "But it *is* like this." Yes, it was a fact. Oh well, I thought, I may as well go to bed then, and I got up to leave. But Jim stopped me. He angrily told me how it felt to be left like that and so I found myself sitting down again in the dark silence and then curling up on the floor, my head resting on his outstretched leg, with tears in my throat and eyes. Suddenly, out of nowhere, I laughed out loud. "What?" Jim asked in surprise. "Well," I said, sitting up straight, incredulous, "I can't believe I'm about to say this. I mean, I can't believe what came to me, what I'm about to say!" He was definitely listening. "Jim, even if you never change and I never change, and even if we are never able to transcend this old hurdle, do you know what?" "What?" he asked. "I'd still want to be right here with you. I'd still want to be together here in this house." Jim chuckled. "Can I quote you on that? For tomorrow or the next day, or the next day?" All we could do was sigh, though, knowing darn well that we never remember our quotes after we say them. It was quiet again for a spell and then he said, "You thirsty?" I smacked my tongue against the roof of my dry mouth and said, "Yeah, I am." Jim went to the fridge and opened up a bottle of sparkling water with a fsssss. When he returned to his spot in front of the fire we took turns sipping from it and then, when he let out a burp, I smiled, noticing that my shell was all gone. I said so and asked, "How 'bout you?" He answered that all was clear by pointing his fingertips briefly to his heart and then opening his hands in a shrug, palms up. Along with the hum of the fridge again, there was silence between us and I broke it this time by saying, "We've got angels sleeping in our house, you know." Jim replied, "I know. And there's one of 'em now." Hearing Zack begin to search in his sleep for his mom and complain at her absence, Jim and I said goodnight with all the love that was required to acknowledge the rightness of things, and then I quickly tiptoed away to tend to the baby, just as he reached forward to tend to the fire. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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