Work sheet; Byron Katie

[Guest guest]

THE JUDGE-YOUR-NEIGHBOR WORKSHEET Judge your neighbor ° Write it down

° Ask four questions ° Turn it around

Fill in the blanks below, writing about someone whom you haven't yet

forgiven one hundred percent. (Do not write about yourself yet.) Use

short, simple sentences. Don't censor yourself. Try to fully

experience the anger or pain as if the situation were occurring right

now. Take this opportunity to express your judgments on paper.

1. Who angers, disappoints, or confuses you, and why? What is it

about

them that you don't like?

 

[For example: I am angry at Paul because he doesn't love me, he never

listens to me, he always yells at me, etc.]

I am _____________________ at ______________________ because

____________

___________________

___________

________________________

___________________

___________

________________________.

2. How do you want them to change? What do you want them to do?

I want ___________________________ to

__________________

___________________

___________

________________________

___________________

___________

________________________.

3. What is it that they should or shouldn't do, be, think, or feel?

What

advice could you offer?

_________________________ should/ shouldn't

_____________

___________________

___________

________________________

___________________

___________

________________________.

4. Do you need anything from them? What do they need to do in order

for

you to be happy?

I need __________________________ to

___________________

 

___________________

___________

________________________

___________________

___________

________________________.

5. What do you think of them? Make a list. Don't be kindÑ be

judgmental and petty.

___________________________ is

___________________

______

___________________

___________

________________________

___________________

___________

________________________.

6. What is it that you don't want to experience with that person

again?

I don't ever want to

___________________

___________

_______

___________________

___________

________________________

___________________

___________

________________________.

(over)

(name)

(name)

(name)

(name)

(name) 1

 

1 Page 2

Instructions for Doing The Work

 

Now investigate each of your statements from the other side of this

Worksheet using the four questions and

the turnaround below. The Work is a meditation. It's about awareness;

it's not about trying to change your mind. Let the mind ask the

questions, then contemplate. Take your time,

go inside, and wait for the deeper answers to surface.

 

The Four Questions

 

1. Is it true?

 

2. Can you absolutely know that it's true?

 

3. How do you react when you think that thought?

 

4. Who would you be without the thought?

Here's an example of how the four questions might be applied to the

statement, "Paul should understand me."

 

1. Is it true? Is it true that he should understand you? Be still.

Wait for the heart's response.

 

2. Can you absolutely know that it's true? Ultimately, can you really

know what he should or shouldn't

understand? Can you absolutely know what's in his best interest to

understand?

 

3. How do you react when you think that thought? What happens when

you think "Paul should understand me"

and he doesn't? Do you experience anger, stress, frustration? Do you

give him "the look"? Do you try to

change him in any way? How do these reactions feel? Does that thought

bring stress or peace into your life?

 

Be still as you listen.

 

4. Who would you be without the thought? Close your eyes. Picture

yourself in the presence of the person

you want to understand you. Now imagine looking at that person, just

for a moment, without the thought,

"I want him to understand." What do you see? What would your life

look like without that thought?

 

The Turnaround Next, turn your statement around. The turnarounds are

an opportunity to consider the opposite of what you

believe to be true. You may find several turnarounds.

 

For example, "Paul should understand me" turns around to:

° Paul shouldn't understand me. (Isn't that reality sometimes?)

° I should understand me. (It's my job, not his.)

° I should understand Paul. (Can I understand that he doesn't

understand me?)

 

Let yourself fully experience the turnarounds. For each one, ask

yourself, "Is that as true or truer?" This is not

about blaming yourself or feeling guilty. It's about discovering

alternatives that can bring you peace.

 

The Turnaround for Number 6 The turnaround for statement number

6 is a little different:

"I don't ever want to experience an argument with Paul again" turns

around to:

 

I am willing to experience an argument with Paul again.

and I look forward to experiencing an argument with Paul again.

Number 6 is about welcoming all your thoughts and experiences with

open arms. If you feel any resistance to a thought, your Work is not

done. When you can honestly look forward to experiences that have

been uncomfortable, there is no longer anything to fear in lifeÑ you

see everything as a gift that can bring you self-realization.

 

For more information about The Work, read Loving What Is and visit

http://www.thework.org ©2002 Byron Katie, Inc. All rights reserved.