On Illness

[Guest guest]

Trudy Dixon, Excerpted from:

Crooked Cucumber The Life and Zen Teachings of Shunryu Suzuki

 

"In the spring of 1968, the manuscript for Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind

was turned over to Trudy Dixon, who had been an editor for Wind Bell,

the modest periodical which featured Suzuki's lectures.

>From the book:

 

Trudy took to the task even though she had two small children, had

undergone surgery for breast cancer, and was in poor health. She

threw herself completely into it, listening to the original tapes,

painstakingly working on the material word by word, thought by

thought, organizing it and conferring often with Richard (Baker) and

occasionally with Suzuki directly.

 

Trudy Dixon had been doing graduate studies in philosophy at U. C.

Berkeley, specializing in Heidegger and Wittgenstein, when her

husband Mike first took her to hear Suzuki lecture in 1962. They

arrived late and stood in the back of the zendo. Suzuki embarked upon

an unusual line of thought that evening. He compared the practice of

Zen with the study of philosophy – expressing one's truth with one's

whole body and mind instead of thinking and being curious about the

meaning of life. He said he had a good friend in Japan who was a

philosopher. Ultimately his intellectual pursuits didn't satisfy him,

and he killed himself. At exactly that point in the lecture, Suzuki

looked intently at Trudy. She backed up a few steps. Trudy could not

get that experience out of her mind. She and Mike continued coming to

lectures and soon decided to start practicing with Suzuki. They

became close disciples.

 

In Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind, Trudy put her whole being into

expressing the essence of Suzuki's teaching. After she passed the

manuscript on to Richard, she concentrated on taking care of herself

at home and dealing with her approaching death. She remained cheerful

on the outside, but her mind was possessed by fear, which she

revealed to her analyst. After an operation her lungs filled with

liquid, and she couldn't breathe. She struggled for breath with all

the energy she could find until she went beyond thoughts, words, and

fear into what she called breath-struggle samadhi. After she had

undergone five difficult days of recovery, Mike brought Suzuki and

his wife Okusan to visit her. She said the sight of them was like

seeing the sun rise for the first time.

She went to the Tassajara mountain monastery and fasted. There she

had a powerful, joyous experience that included life and death,

health and illness, fear and courage. She said she finally stopped

fighting and was "accommodating the enemy", as Suzuki had described

it. On the verge of death Trudy had been reborn. Her analyst said

that at her next visit she seemed like a new person, a fearless and

radiant woman. To her husband, caretakers, and friends she became an

inspiration. "My self, my body," she wrote, "is dissolved in

phenomena like a sky's rainbow caught in a child's soap bubble."

One day after zazen, Betty Warren visited Trudy. She arrived wishing

there was something she could do. Trudy burned away Betty's pity with

one phrase, referring to her illness as "this blessed cancer."

On Mondays Suzuki visited Trudy at her home after speaking at the

Marin Zen group. One day after such a visit he returned to the car

with Bob Halpern. Suzuki's eyes were wet. "Now there's a real Zen

Master," he said of Trudy, as he sank into his seat.

On July 1 Trudy's brother drove her to Tassajara. They shared a cup

of clear creekwater with Suzuki, slept outside in the moonlight, and

returned the next day to the hospital. A couple of days later she

returned to Tassajara and practiced prone zazen lying on her back in

the zendo with Suzuki and the students. On the eighth she and her

teacher returned to San Francisco.

On July 9, 1969, Mike called Suzuki and told him that Trudy had just

died in the hospital – too quickly for Suzuki to have gotten there.

Suzuki fell apart crying on the phone, which disturbed Mike – he

thought of Suzuki as imperturbable. Suzuki came to the hospital and

was composed by then.

At Trudy's funeral two days later Suzuki was uncharacteristically

emotional. He cried and said, "I never thought I'd have a disciple

this great. Maybe I never will again." Then he delivered a eulogy:

 

Go, my disciple. You have completed your practice for this life and

acquired a genuine warm heart, a pure and undefiled Buddha mind, and

joined our sangha. All that you have done in this life and in your

past lives became meaningful in the light of the Buddha mind, which

was found so clearly within yourself, as your own. Because of your

complete practice, your mind has transcended far beyond your physical

sickness, and it has taken full care of your sickness like a nurse.

A person of joyful mind is contented with his lot. Even in adversity

he will see bright light. He finds the Buddha's place in different

circumstances, easy and difficult. He feels pleasure even in painful

conditions, and rejoices. For us, for all who have this joy of Buddha

mind, the world of birth and death is nirvana.

The compassionate mind is the affectionate mind of parents. Parents

always think of the growth and welfare of their children, to the

neglect of their own circumstances. Our scriptures say, "Buddha mind

is the mind of great compassion."

The magnanimous mind is as big as a mountain and as wide as an ocean.

A person of magnanimous mind is impartial. He walks the middle way.

He is never attached to any side of the extreme aspect of things. The

magnanimous mind works justly and impartially.

Now you have acquired the Buddha mind and become a real disciple of

Buddha. At this point, however, I express my true power . . . . .

 

Then Suzuki let out a long, mighty roar of grief that echoed

throughout the cavernous auditorium."

 

 

 

 

LoveAlways,

 

Mazie

[Guest guest]

Thank you Mazie.

 

The mighty roar of grief.

 

Harsha

 

 

 

, "mazie_l" <sraddha54@h...>

wrote:

>

> Trudy Dixon, Excerpted from:

> Crooked Cucumber The Life and Zen Teachings of Shunryu Suzuki

>

> "In the spring of 1968, the manuscript for Zen Mind, Beginner's

Mind

> was turned over to Trudy Dixon, who had been an editor for Wind

Bell,

> the modest periodical which featured Suzuki's lectures.

>

> From the book:

>

> Trudy took to the task even though she had two small children, had

> undergone surgery for breast cancer, and was in poor health. She

> threw herself completely into it, listening to the original tapes,

> painstakingly working on the material word by word, thought by

> thought, organizing it and conferring often with Richard (Baker)

and

> occasionally with Suzuki directly.

>

> Trudy Dixon had been doing graduate studies in philosophy at U. C.

> Berkeley, specializing in Heidegger and Wittgenstein, when her

> husband Mike first took her to hear Suzuki lecture in 1962. They

> arrived late and stood in the back of the zendo. Suzuki embarked

upon

> an unusual line of thought that evening. He compared the practice

of

> Zen with the study of philosophy – expressing one's truth with

one's

> whole body and mind instead of thinking and being curious about the

> meaning of life. He said he had a good friend in Japan who was a

> philosopher. Ultimately his intellectual pursuits didn't satisfy

him,

> and he killed himself. At exactly that point in the lecture, Suzuki

> looked intently at Trudy. She backed up a few steps. Trudy could

not

> get that experience out of her mind. She and Mike continued coming

to

> lectures and soon decided to start practicing with Suzuki. They

> became close disciples.

>

> In Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind, Trudy put her whole being into

> expressing the essence of Suzuki's teaching. After she passed the

> manuscript on to Richard, she concentrated on taking care of

herself

> at home and dealing with her approaching death. She remained

cheerful

> on the outside, but her mind was possessed by fear, which she

> revealed to her analyst. After an operation her lungs filled with

> liquid, and she couldn't breathe. She struggled for breath with all

> the energy she could find until she went beyond thoughts, words,

and

> fear into what she called breath-struggle samadhi. After she had

> undergone five difficult days of recovery, Mike brought Suzuki and

> his wife Okusan to visit her. She said the sight of them was like

> seeing the sun rise for the first time.

> She went to the Tassajara mountain monastery and fasted. There she

> had a powerful, joyous experience that included life and death,

> health and illness, fear and courage. She said she finally stopped

> fighting and was "accommodating the enemy", as Suzuki had described

> it. On the verge of death Trudy had been reborn. Her analyst said

> that at her next visit she seemed like a new person, a fearless and

> radiant woman. To her husband, caretakers, and friends she became

an

> inspiration. "My self, my body," she wrote, "is dissolved in

> phenomena like a sky's rainbow caught in a child's soap bubble."

> One day after zazen, Betty Warren visited Trudy. She arrived

wishing

> there was something she could do. Trudy burned away Betty's pity

with

> one phrase, referring to her illness as "this blessed cancer."

> On Mondays Suzuki visited Trudy at her home after speaking at the

> Marin Zen group. One day after such a visit he returned to the car

> with Bob Halpern. Suzuki's eyes were wet. "Now there's a real Zen

> Master," he said of Trudy, as he sank into his seat.

> On July 1 Trudy's brother drove her to Tassajara. They shared a cup

> of clear creekwater with Suzuki, slept outside in the moonlight,

and

> returned the next day to the hospital. A couple of days later she

> returned to Tassajara and practiced prone zazen lying on her back

in

> the zendo with Suzuki and the students. On the eighth she and her

> teacher returned to San Francisco.

> On July 9, 1969, Mike called Suzuki and told him that Trudy had

just

> died in the hospital – too quickly for Suzuki to have gotten there.

> Suzuki fell apart crying on the phone, which disturbed Mike – he

> thought of Suzuki as imperturbable. Suzuki came to the hospital and

> was composed by then.

> At Trudy's funeral two days later Suzuki was uncharacteristically

> emotional. He cried and said, "I never thought I'd have a disciple

> this great. Maybe I never will again." Then he delivered a eulogy:

>

> Go, my disciple. You have completed your practice for this life and

> acquired a genuine warm heart, a pure and undefiled Buddha mind,

and

> joined our sangha. All that you have done in this life and in your

> past lives became meaningful in the light of the Buddha mind, which

> was found so clearly within yourself, as your own. Because of your

> complete practice, your mind has transcended far beyond your

physical

> sickness, and it has taken full care of your sickness like a nurse.

> A person of joyful mind is contented with his lot. Even in

adversity

> he will see bright light. He finds the Buddha's place in different

> circumstances, easy and difficult. He feels pleasure even in

painful

> conditions, and rejoices. For us, for all who have this joy of

Buddha

> mind, the world of birth and death is nirvana.

> The compassionate mind is the affectionate mind of parents. Parents

> always think of the growth and welfare of their children, to the

> neglect of their own circumstances. Our scriptures say, "Buddha

mind

> is the mind of great compassion."

> The magnanimous mind is as big as a mountain and as wide as an

ocean.

> A person of magnanimous mind is impartial. He walks the middle way.

> He is never attached to any side of the extreme aspect of things.

The

> magnanimous mind works justly and impartially.

> Now you have acquired the Buddha mind and become a real disciple of

> Buddha. At this point, however, I express my true power . . . . .

>

> Then Suzuki let out a long, mighty roar of grief that echoed

> throughout the cavernous auditorium."

>

>

>

>

> LoveAlways,

>

> Mazie

[Guest guest]

Thank you for this beautiful story Maizie...

-

mazie_l

Monday, January 05, 2004 5:40 PM

On Illness

Trudy Dixon, Excerpted from:Crooked Cucumber The Life and Zen

Teachings of Shunryu Suzuki"In the spring of 1968, the manuscript for

Zen Mind, Beginner's Mindwas turned over to Trudy Dixon, who had been

an editor for Wind Bell,the modest periodical which featured Suzuki's

lectures.From the book:Trudy took to the task even though she had two

small children, had undergone surgery for breast cancer, and was in

poor health. She threw herself completely into it, listening to the

original tapes, painstakingly working on the material word by word,

thought by thought, organizing it and conferring often with Richard

(Baker) and occasionally with Suzuki directly.Trudy Dixon had been

doing graduate studies in philosophy at U. C. Berkeley, specializing

in Heidegger and Wittgenstein, when her husband Mike first took her

to hear Suzuki lecture in 1962. They arrived late and stood in the

back of the zendo. Suzuki embarked upon an unusual line of thought

that evening. He compared the practice of Zen with the study of

philosophy – expressing one's truth with one's whole body and mind

instead of thinking and being curious about the meaning of life. He

said he had a good friend in Japan who was a philosopher. Ultimately

his intellectual pursuits didn't satisfy him, and he killed himself.

At exactly that point in the lecture, Suzuki looked intently at

Trudy. She backed up a few steps. Trudy could not get that experience

out of her mind. She and Mike continued coming to lectures and soon

decided to start practicing with Suzuki. They became close

disciples.In Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind, Trudy put her whole being

into expressing the essence of Suzuki's teaching. After she passed

the manuscript on to Richard, she concentrated on taking care of

herself at home and dealing with her approaching death. She remained

cheerful on the outside, but her mind was possessed by fear, which

she revealed to her analyst. After an operation her lungs filled with

liquid, and she couldn't breathe. She struggled for breath with all

the energy she could find until she went beyond thoughts, words, and

fear into what she called breath-struggle samadhi. After she had

undergone five difficult days of recovery, Mike brought Suzuki and

his wife Okusan to visit her. She said the sight of them was like

seeing the sun rise for the first time.She went to the Tassajara

mountain monastery and fasted. There she had a powerful, joyous

experience that included life and death, health and illness, fear and

courage. She said she finally stopped fighting and was "accommodating

the enemy", as Suzuki had described it. On the verge of death Trudy

had been reborn. Her analyst said that at her next visit she seemed

like a new person, a fearless and radiant woman. To her husband,

caretakers, and friends she became an inspiration. "My self, my

body," she wrote, "is dissolved in phenomena like a sky's rainbow

caught in a child's soap bubble."One day after zazen, Betty Warren

visited Trudy. She arrived wishing there was something she could do.

Trudy burned away Betty's pity with one phrase, referring to her

illness as "this blessed cancer."On Mondays Suzuki visited Trudy at

her home after speaking at the Marin Zen group. One day after such a

visit he returned to the car with Bob Halpern. Suzuki's eyes were

wet. "Now there's a real Zen Master," he said of Trudy, as he sank

into his seat.On July 1 Trudy's brother drove her to Tassajara. They

shared a cup of clear creekwater with Suzuki, slept outside in the

moonlight, and returned the next day to the hospital. A couple of

days later she returned to Tassajara and practiced prone zazen lying

on her back in the zendo with Suzuki and the students. On the eighth

she and her teacher returned to San Francisco.On July 9, 1969, Mike

called Suzuki and told him that Trudy had just died in the hospital –

too quickly for Suzuki to have gotten there. Suzuki fell apart crying

on the phone, which disturbed Mike – he thought of Suzuki as

imperturbable. Suzuki came to the hospital and was composed by

then.At Trudy's funeral two days later Suzuki was

uncharacteristically emotional. He cried and said, "I never thought

I'd have a disciple this great. Maybe I never will again." Then he

delivered a eulogy:Go, my disciple. You have completed your practice

for this life and acquired a genuine warm heart, a pure and undefiled

Buddha mind, and joined our sangha. All that you have done in this

life and in your past lives became meaningful in the light of the

Buddha mind, which was found so clearly within yourself, as your own.

Because of your complete practice, your mind has transcended far

beyond your physical sickness, and it has taken full care of your

sickness like a nurse.A person of joyful mind is contented with his

lot. Even in adversity he will see bright light. He finds the

Buddha's place in different circumstances, easy and difficult. He

feels pleasure even in painful conditions, and rejoices. For us, for

all who have this joy of Buddha mind, the world of birth and death is

nirvana.The compassionate mind is the affectionate mind of parents.

Parents always think of the growth and welfare of their children, to

the neglect of their own circumstances. Our scriptures say, "Buddha

mind is the mind of great compassion."The magnanimous mind is as big

as a mountain and as wide as an ocean. A person of magnanimous mind

is impartial. He walks the middle way. He is never attached to any

side of the extreme aspect of things. The magnanimous mind works

justly and impartially. Now you have acquired the Buddha mind and

become a real disciple of Buddha. At this point, however, I express

my true power . . . . .Then Suzuki let out a long, mighty roar of

grief that echoed throughout the cavernous auditorium."

LoveAlways,Mazie/join

"Love itself is

the actual form of God."Sri RamanaIn "Letters from Sri Ramanasramam"

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[Guest guest]

It was beautiful. I read the book but didn't remember that

account. More lovely here on HSS.

At 08:55 PM 1/5/2004 +0100, Sam wrote:

Thank you

for this beautiful story Maizie...