Guest guest Posted January 7, 2004 Report Share Posted January 7, 2004 1/7/03 It's past her bedtime and we'd already said okay to "one mo' game" of cards, twice. We're about to go wash up for bed when she says, "I'm hungwy." *PIERCE* right in my heart. I AM ANGRY. I feel like saying, "Too bad!" but I don't. What I do say is, "If you want something to eat, you're gonna have to get it yourself." The obvious snap in my voice tells her and her dad that Mommy's been triggered, but all Mommy knows is that she's pissed. Ananda groans and rifles through the fridge, pulling out a tangerine. She says she needs someone to peel it for her. I get madder. Jim peels it and she's about to take a bite, but suddenly she puts it down and pushes the plate away. "There's seeds in it." I feel like I'm about to Scream! And when I see Jim (who I know is as tired as I am) goodnaturedly come over and take the plate in order to begin fishing the seeds out, I cry, "Aren't you worried about her being (spelling it) s-p-o-i-l-e-d?" Jim puts down the fruit, looks at me, and says nothing, which infuriates me even more. I yell, "No one ever picked any frigging seeds out for ME!" I am surprised at my own words; Jim is not. He calmly says, "Well, if you call this 'spoiled,' then what do you call what happened to you?" My mind goes blank and I leave the room. I sit down in the dark. "Who am I?" I ask myself, face in hands. "I totally don't know," I answer myself. "Who is this that is so confused right now?" I ask. "It's me," I answer. "Am I this 'me'?" "How can I be this 'me' if I am *aware* of it?" "Then I must not be this 'me'." "No...I really am not this 'me'!!" Feeling light and free, I spring from the darkened bedroom into the brightness of the kitchen, realizing it would be my sincerest pleasure to pick the seeds out of my little angel's tangerine, but it's too late as she has already eaten most of it. Instead, I give her a slow kiss her on the top of the head. "Sorry, guys," I say, as I approach Jim with another kiss and a hug all ready for him. They say, "It's okay, Mommy." We all go to bed in peace. [Thanks to the non-reactivity of my husband and child, the entire drama, which was truly based on generation after generation of conditioning, came and went within the time it took a six-year-old to finish off a tangerine. My bet is that it will be even shorter next time.] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 7, 2004 Report Share Posted January 7, 2004 , "Kheyala" <kheyala@n...> wrote: > 1/7/03 > > It's past her bedtime and we'd already said okay to "one mo' game" of cards, twice. We're about to go wash up for bed when she says, "I'm hungwy." > > *PIERCE* right in my heart. I AM ANGRY. > > I feel like saying, "Too bad!" but I don't. What I do say is, "If you want something to eat, you're gonna have to get it yourself." The obvious snap in my voice tells her and her dad that Mommy's been triggered, but all Mommy knows is that she's pissed. > > Ananda groans and rifles through the fridge, pulling out a tangerine. She says she needs someone to peel it for her. I get madder. Jim peels it and she's about to take a bite, but suddenly she puts it down and pushes the plate away. "There's seeds in it." > > I feel like I'm about to Scream! And when I see Jim (who I know is as tired as I am) goodnaturedly come over and take the plate in order to begin fishing the seeds out, I cry, "Aren't you worried about her being (spelling it) s-p-o-i-l-e-d?" > > Jim puts down the fruit, looks at me, and says nothing, which infuriates me even more. I yell, "No one ever picked any frigging seeds out for ME!" > > I am surprised at my own words; Jim is not. He calmly says, "Well, if you call this 'spoiled,' then what do you call what happened to you?" > > My mind goes blank and I leave the room. I sit down in the dark. > > > "Who am I?" I ask myself, face in hands. > > "I totally don't know," I answer myself. > > "Who is this that is so confused right now?" I ask. > > "It's me," I answer. > > "Am I this 'me'?" > > "How can I be this 'me' if I am *aware* of it?" > > "Then I must not be this 'me'." > > "No...I really am not this 'me'!!" > > Feeling light and free, I spring from the darkened bedroom into the brightness of the kitchen, realizing it would be my sincerest pleasure to pick the seeds out of my little angel's tangerine, but it's too late as she has already eaten most of it. Instead, I give her a slow kiss her on the top of the head. > > "Sorry, guys," I say, as I approach Jim with another kiss and a hug all ready for him. > > They say, "It's okay, Mommy." > > We all go to bed in peace. > > [Thanks to the non-reactivity of my husband and child, the entire drama, which was truly based on generation after generation of conditioning, came and went within the time it took a six-year-old to finish off a tangerine. > > My bet is that it will be even shorter next time.] Brings to mind that old commercial, "Take it off, take it all off..." Off the tangerine, off the ego...take it all off. Karmic seeds abound....what can we do but witness them being "cooked" in the fire of Who Am I? Love, Vicki Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 7, 2004 Report Share Posted January 7, 2004 , "skiplaurel" <vicki@b...> wrote: > , "Kheyala" <kheyala@n...> wrote: > > 1/7/03 > > > > It's past her bedtime and we'd already said okay to "one mo' game" of cards, twice. We're about to go wash up for bed when she says, "I'm hungwy." > > > > *PIERCE* right in my heart. I AM ANGRY. > > > > I feel like saying, "Too bad!" but I don't. What I do say is, "If you want something to eat, you're gonna have to get it yourself." The obvious snap in my voice tells her and her dad that Mommy's been triggered, but all Mommy knows is that she's pissed. > > > > Ananda groans and rifles through the fridge, pulling out a tangerine. She says she needs someone to peel it for her. I get madder. Jim peels it and she's about to take a bite, but suddenly she puts it down and pushes the plate away. "There's seeds in it." > > > > I feel like I'm about to Scream! And when I see Jim (who I know is as tired as I am) goodnaturedly come over and take the plate in order to begin fishing the seeds out, I cry, "Aren't you worried about her being (spelling it) s-p-o-i-l-e-d?" > > > > Jim puts down the fruit, looks at me, and says nothing, which infuriates me even more. I yell, "No one ever picked any frigging seeds out for ME!" > > > > I am surprised at my own words; Jim is not. He calmly says, "Well, if you call this 'spoiled,' then what do you call what happened to you?" > > > > My mind goes blank and I leave the room. I sit down in the dark. > > > > > > "Who am I?" I ask myself, face in hands. > > > > "I totally don't know," I answer myself. > > > > "Who is this that is so confused right now?" I ask. > > > > "It's me," I answer. > > > > "Am I this 'me'?" > > > > "How can I be this 'me' if I am *aware* of it?" > > > > "Then I must not be this 'me'." > > > > "No...I really am not this 'me'!!" > > > > Feeling light and free, I spring from the darkened bedroom into the brightness of the kitchen, realizing it would be my sincerest pleasure to pick the seeds out of my little angel's tangerine, but it's too late as she has already eaten most of it. Instead, I give her a slow kiss her on the top of the head. > > > > "Sorry, guys," I say, as I approach Jim with another kiss and a hug all ready for him. > > > > They say, "It's okay, Mommy." > > > > We all go to bed in peace. > > > > [Thanks to the non-reactivity of my husband and child, the entire drama, which was truly based on generation after generation of conditioning, came and went within the time it took a six-year-old to finish off a tangerine. > > > > My bet is that it will be even shorter next time.] > > Brings to mind that old commercial, "Take it off, take it all off..." Off the tangerine, off the ego...take it all off. Karmic seeds abound....what can we do but witness them being "cooked" in the fire of Who Am I? > > Love, Vicki Brings to mind another commercial. Got kerosene? Love, Kheyala Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 8, 2004 Report Share Posted January 8, 2004 I hope you're right; but with me, it never ends. --- Kheyala <kheyala wrote: > 1/7/03 > > It's past her bedtime and we'd already said okay to > "one mo' game" of cards, twice. We're about to go > wash up for bed when she says, "I'm hungwy." > > *PIERCE* right in my heart. I AM ANGRY. > > I feel like saying, "Too bad!" but I don't. What I > do say is, "If you want something to eat, you're > gonna have to get it yourself." The obvious snap in > my voice tells her and her dad that Mommy's been > triggered, but all Mommy knows is that she's pissed. > > Ananda groans and rifles through the fridge, pulling > out a tangerine. She says she needs someone to peel > it for her. I get madder. Jim peels it and she's > about to take a bite, but suddenly she puts it down > and pushes the plate away. "There's seeds in it." > > I feel like I'm about to Scream! And when I see Jim > (who I know is as tired as I am) goodnaturedly come > over and take the plate in order to begin fishing > the seeds out, I cry, "Aren't you worried about her > being (spelling it) s-p-o-i-l-e-d?" > > Jim puts down the fruit, looks at me, and says > nothing, which infuriates me even more. I yell, "No > one ever picked any frigging seeds out for ME!" > > I am surprised at my own words; Jim is not. He > calmly says, "Well, if you call this 'spoiled,' then > what do you call what happened to you?" > > My mind goes blank and I leave the room. I sit down > in the dark. > > > "Who am I?" I ask myself, face in hands. > > "I totally don't know," I answer myself. > > "Who is this that is so confused right now?" I ask. > > "It's me," I answer. > > "Am I this 'me'?" > > "How can I be this 'me' if I am *aware* of it?" > > "Then I must not be this 'me'." > > "No...I really am not this 'me'!!" > > Feeling light and free, I spring from the darkened > bedroom into the brightness of the kitchen, > realizing it would be my sincerest pleasure to pick > the seeds out of my little angel's tangerine, but > it's too late as she has already eaten most of it. > Instead, I give her a slow kiss her on the top of > the head. > > "Sorry, guys," I say, as I approach Jim with another > kiss and a hug all ready for him. > > They say, "It's okay, Mommy." > > We all go to bed in peace. > > [Thanks to the non-reactivity of my husband and > child, the entire drama, which was truly based on > generation after generation of conditioning, came > and went within the time it took a six-year-old to > finish off a tangerine. > > My bet is that it will be even shorter next time.] > > > > > > > > > Hotjobs: Enter the "Signing Bonus" Sweepstakes http://hotjobs.sweepstakes./signingbonus Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 8, 2004 Report Share Posted January 8, 2004 , Michael Bowes <rmichaelbowes> wrote: > I hope you're right; but with me, it never ends. > Dear Michael, Of course! It is absolutely true that with 'me' it never ends. Of course that is true. But, who are you? Are you this 'me'?? What is this 'me'??? In love, Kheyala Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 8, 2004 Report Share Posted January 8, 2004 Dear Kheyala, You're exactly right. I am not that "me" and that's how I can live with it (whatever "it" is). :-) Warmest regards, michael --- kheyalove <kheyala wrote: > , Michael Bowes > > <rmichaelbowes> wrote: > > I hope you're right; but with me, it never ends. > > > > > Dear Michael, > > Of course! It is absolutely true that with 'me' it > never ends. Of > course that is true. > > But, who are you? > > Are you this 'me'?? > > What is this 'me'??? > > > In love, > Kheyala > > > > > > > > > Hotjobs: Enter the "Signing Bonus" Sweepstakes http://hotjobs.sweepstakes./signingbonus Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 8, 2004 Report Share Posted January 8, 2004 , Michael Bowes <rmichaelbowes> wrote: > Dear Kheyala, > > You're exactly right. I am not that "me" and that's > how I can live with it (whatever "it" is). :-) > > Warmest regards, > > michael "whatever 'it' is" Makes me wonder... I mean, is 'it' something that is solid, real, substantial, permanent, unchanging? If it is, then it might make perfect sense to reckon with it somehow, or fine-tune it, heal it, fix it, meditate on it or transcend it or something. But is it? Is 'it' even actually a real, live thing?? > > --- kheyalove <kheyala@n...> wrote: > > , Michael Bowes > > > > <rmichaelbowes> wrote: > > > I hope you're right; but with me, it never ends. > > > > > > > > > Dear Michael, > > > > Of course! It is absolutely true that with 'me' it > > never ends. Of > > course that is true. > > > > But, who are you? > > > > Are you this 'me'?? > > > > What is this 'me'??? > > > > > > In love, > > Kheyala > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Hotjobs: Enter the "Signing Bonus" Sweepstakes > http://hotjobs.sweepstakes./signingbonus Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 8, 2004 Report Share Posted January 8, 2004 Yep! I think that "it" is LIFE. And that LIFE is real. And "i" deal with "it" by realizing that "i" am not "me" but that "i" am "it". That way "i" have no problem with "it" because "i" is "it". Something like that. michael --- kheyalove <kheyala wrote: > , Michael Bowes > > <rmichaelbowes> wrote: > > Dear Kheyala, > > > > You're exactly right. I am not that "me" and > that's > > how I can live with it (whatever "it" is). :-) > > > > Warmest regards, > > > > michael > > > > > > "whatever 'it' is" > > Makes me wonder... I mean, is 'it' something that is > solid, real, > substantial, permanent, unchanging? > > If it is, then it might make perfect sense to reckon > with it somehow, > or fine-tune it, heal it, fix it, meditate on it or > transcend it or > something. > > But is it? Is 'it' even actually a real, live > thing?? > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > --- kheyalove <kheyala@n...> wrote: > > > , Michael > Bowes > > > > > > <rmichaelbowes> wrote: > > > > I hope you're right; but with me, it never > ends. > > > > > > > > > > > > > Dear Michael, > > > > > > Of course! It is absolutely true that with 'me' > it > > > never ends. Of > > > course that is true. > > > > > > But, who are you? > > > > > > Are you this 'me'?? > > > > > > What is this 'me'??? > > > > > > > > > In love, > > > Kheyala > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Hotjobs: Enter the "Signing Bonus" > Sweepstakes > > http://hotjobs.sweepstakes./signingbonus > > Hotjobs: Enter the "Signing Bonus" Sweepstakes http://hotjobs.sweepstakes./signingbonus Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 8, 2004 Report Share Posted January 8, 2004 , Michael Bowes <rmichaelbowes> wrote: > Yep! I think that "it" is LIFE. And that LIFE is > real. > > And "i" deal with "it" by realizing that "i" am not > "me" but that "i" am "it". That way "i" have no > problem with "it" because "i" is "it". > > Something like that. > > michael What a philosophy! (Now where did you get it?) > > --- kheyalove <kheyala@n...> wrote: > > , Michael Bowes > > > > <rmichaelbowes> wrote: > > > Dear Kheyala, > > > > > > You're exactly right. I am not that "me" and > > that's > > > how I can live with it (whatever "it" is). :-) > > > > > > Warmest regards, > > > > > > michael > > > > > > > > > > > > "whatever 'it' is" > > > > Makes me wonder... I mean, is 'it' something that is > > solid, real, > > substantial, permanent, unchanging? > > > > If it is, then it might make perfect sense to reckon > > with it somehow, > > or fine-tune it, heal it, fix it, meditate on it or > > transcend it or > > something. > > > > But is it? Is 'it' even actually a real, live > > thing?? > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > --- kheyalove <kheyala@n...> wrote: > > > > , Michael > > Bowes > > > > > > > > <rmichaelbowes> wrote: > > > > > I hope you're right; but with me, it never > > ends. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Dear Michael, > > > > > > > > Of course! It is absolutely true that with 'me' > > it > > > > never ends. Of > > > > course that is true. > > > > > > > > But, who are you? > > > > > > > > Are you this 'me'?? > > > > > > > > What is this 'me'??? > > > > > > > > > > > > In love, > > > > Kheyala > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Hotjobs: Enter the "Signing Bonus" > > Sweepstakes > > > http://hotjobs.sweepstakes./signingbonus > > > > > > > > > Hotjobs: Enter the "Signing Bonus" Sweepstakes > http://hotjobs.sweepstakes./signingbonus Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 9, 2004 Report Share Posted January 9, 2004 I got "it" in the HEART CAVE. :-) michael , "kheyalove" <kheyala@n...> wrote: > , Michael Bowes > <rmichaelbowes> wrote: > > Yep! I think that "it" is LIFE. And that LIFE is > > real. > > > > And "i" deal with "it" by realizing that "i" am not > > "me" but that "i" am "it". That way "i" have no > > problem with "it" because "i" is "it". > > > > Something like that. > > > > michael > > > What a philosophy! > > (Now where did you get it?) > > > > > > > > > > > > --- kheyalove <kheyala@n...> wrote: > > > , Michael Bowes > > > > > > <rmichaelbowes> wrote: > > > > Dear Kheyala, > > > > > > > > You're exactly right. I am not that "me" and > > > that's > > > > how I can live with it (whatever "it" is). :-) > > > > > > > > Warmest regards, > > > > > > > > michael > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > "whatever 'it' is" > > > > > > Makes me wonder... I mean, is 'it' something that is > > > solid, real, > > > substantial, permanent, unchanging? > > > > > > If it is, then it might make perfect sense to reckon > > > with it somehow, > > > or fine-tune it, heal it, fix it, meditate on it or > > > transcend it or > > > something. > > > > > > But is it? Is 'it' even actually a real, live > > > thing?? > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > --- kheyalove <kheyala@n...> wrote: > > > > > , Michael > > > Bowes > > > > > > > > > > <rmichaelbowes> wrote: > > > > > > I hope you're right; but with me, it never > > > ends. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Dear Michael, > > > > > > > > > > Of course! It is absolutely true that with 'me' > > > it > > > > > never ends. Of > > > > > course that is true. > > > > > > > > > > But, who are you? > > > > > > > > > > Are you this 'me'?? > > > > > > > > > > What is this 'me'??? > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > In love, > > > > > Kheyala > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Hotjobs: Enter the "Signing Bonus" > > > Sweepstakes > > > > http://hotjobs.sweepstakes./signingbonus > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Hotjobs: Enter the "Signing Bonus" Sweepstakes > > http://hotjobs.sweepstakes./signingbonus Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 9, 2004 Report Share Posted January 9, 2004 Dear Michael, The 'me' that first opened up this dialogue with "...but with me, it never ends" is the same 'me' that had an answer for every question that was posed. It is also the same, exact 'me' that pulled the spiritually advanced philosophy right out of its own heart cave! Unfortunately, because the 'me' only has an existence in duality, it naturally can only have experiences within that context, including sometimes clear/sometimes unclear, sometimes peace/sometimes turmoil, etc. That's why "...with me, it never ends." Fortunately, that 'me' is not who you are. Thanks for indulging my questions yesterday. I was in a playful mood! Kheyala , "Michael Bowes" <rmichaelbowes> wrote: > I got "it" in the HEART CAVE. :-) > > michael > > , "kheyalove" <kheyala@n...> > wrote: > > , Michael Bowes > > <rmichaelbowes> wrote: > > > Yep! I think that "it" is LIFE. And that LIFE is > > > real. > > > > > > And "i" deal with "it" by realizing that "i" am not > > > "me" but that "i" am "it". That way "i" have no > > > problem with "it" because "i" is "it". > > > > > > Something like that. > > > > > > michael > > > > > > What a philosophy! > > > > (Now where did you get it?) > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > --- kheyalove <kheyala@n...> wrote: > > > > , Michael Bowes > > > > > > > > <rmichaelbowes> wrote: > > > > > Dear Kheyala, > > > > > > > > > > You're exactly right. I am not that "me" and > > > > that's > > > > > how I can live with it (whatever "it" is). :-) > > > > > > > > > > Warmest regards, > > > > > > > > > > michael > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > "whatever 'it' is" > > > > > > > > Makes me wonder... I mean, is 'it' something that is > > > > solid, real, > > > > substantial, permanent, unchanging? > > > > > > > > If it is, then it might make perfect sense to reckon > > > > with it somehow, > > > > or fine-tune it, heal it, fix it, meditate on it or > > > > transcend it or > > > > something. > > > > > > > > But is it? Is 'it' even actually a real, live > > > > thing?? > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > --- kheyalove <kheyala@n...> wrote: > > > > > > , Michael > > > > Bowes > > > > > > > > > > > > <rmichaelbowes> wrote: > > > > > > > I hope you're right; but with me, it never > > > > ends. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Dear Michael, > > > > > > > > > > > > Of course! It is absolutely true that with 'me' > > > > it > > > > > > never ends. Of > > > > > > course that is true. > > > > > > > > > > > > But, who are you? > > > > > > > > > > > > Are you this 'me'?? > > > > > > > > > > > > What is this 'me'??? > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > In love, > > > > > > Kheyala > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Hotjobs: Enter the "Signing Bonus" > > > > Sweepstakes > > > > > http://hotjobs.sweepstakes./signingbonus > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Hotjobs: Enter the "Signing Bonus" Sweepstakes > > > http://hotjobs.sweepstakes./signingbonus Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 9, 2004 Report Share Posted January 9, 2004 Dear Kheyala --- kheyalove <kheyala wrote: > > Dear Michael, > > The 'me' that first opened up this dialogue with > "...but with me, it > never ends" is the same 'me' that had an answer for > every question > that was posed. It is also the same, exact 'me' > that pulled the > spiritually advanced philosophy right out of its own > heart cave! Yes! That's "it". > > Unfortunately, because the 'me' only has an > existence in duality, it > naturally can only have experiences within that > context, including > sometimes clear/sometimes unclear, sometimes > peace/sometimes turmoil, > etc. That's why "...with me, it never ends." Correctomundo!!! > Fortunately, that 'me' is not who you are. Precisely!!!!!! > Thanks for indulging my questions yesterday. I was > in a playful mood! > > > > Kheyala > > SNIP You betcha. Its leela!!! Warmest regards, michael Hotjobs: Enter the "Signing Bonus" Sweepstakes http://hotjobs.sweepstakes./signingbonus Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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