"Mean" Monkey and Lucky the Cat

[Guest guest]

Sometimes a pear, or a particular kind of cat will awaken a memory of

a time when I was so the epitome of Innocence about Life and Death

and Love and Beloved, and, well, EVERYTHING. For example, this tale:

At ten years old I was sent to stay the summer with my Aunt Lila (how

apropos a name!) in Marysville and later Live Oak. The reason being

that I had somehow drawn that long straw, or is it the short straw,

well anyway, some stick of destiny had been clasped in these tiny

tender child-hands, and I knew I had an engagement with God in His

Office of Life. I was diagnosed with JRA. Say what, God!? So Saying,

He meant what He said, and it said -

 

"You better buckle-up for this ONE, Baby!"

 

So to prevent my playing like the Fun-Loving fool that I was, I was

sent to stay in my Aunt's home for the summer, no children, no games,

no stimulation, no form of finding freedom as a kid in any way. Or so

they thought, Ha! Mazie had her every means and ways of finding that

Center Core of Brightness, even then, oh God of Love, especially

then!

The high shrubbery became the deepest, darkest steaming jungles of

Africa. And now, knowing what i know of my lifetime in Africa the

last time out, I am not surprised at my choice of locations for this

mad adventure of One being many. The Mimosa tree was never more

exotic than when I would climb it and search the horizon for my

Beloved One, for Yes, yes, even then I was using or being used by

this Heart to send a beacon call to my Beloved One, saying, "HEY!

Over Here Beautiful! I'm living in an African-California jungle and I

am awaiting Your entrance into my Heart once again!" The dolls that

were kept in plastic wrap and high up on shelves of memories of when

Auntie's children were little lovers, they found their way into my

world too. They became my congregation, listening to long-winded

sermons about turtles and silver rings and stories about Daisies who

would claim all Hearts again, Oh! did i ever have a song and dance

down. Little Richard, James Brown, they had NOTHING on me and my

sparkling, spinning, lightening little hooves a having a harvest-ball

all along that yard's length. A Cotillion of One!

 

So I spent my summer going to a tiny library that was but a tiny room

or two, but i knew that God had stuffed that little Mind-Shrine

Repository with just the right books to convey the Immensity of His

His-ness at that juncture in my little ten year old Heart and Life. I

found a book about reincarnation, i grabbed "The Brothers Karamazov,"

and i sent my sails skyward higher then, the "Mahabharata" just

rippled my Mind into endlessness of Bliss long-remembered from some

ancient white temple where I and my Beloved One had Mated and

Communed as One Heart, and oh the stories about Curious George all

intertwined with Drona's Eyes Seeing, with Krishna reappearing

nightly lifting away every thought of pain held by the child-mind,

that Ancient and Unfathomable Mind held in a child and with a Heart

That had held SuchSuchnessSoClosely. Myriad of worlds were opened up,

no bound being in Live Oak or Oroville, nothing held the pilgrim in

that tiny prison of pain unending, for there was that, THAT which was

the Real world, the real side of Seeing.

 

So on and on this summer goes, and here's the human side of the Heart

of a child being tested-tasted by Love, by God, by that Indefatigable

Beloved One, it's this:

 

 

I had been given my very own cat, a kitten chosen by my Love and by my

desire to adore and cherish something, someONE as my own, my own

Beloved, and this form appeared as this little kitten of black and

white. I named him "Lucky." Oh just so lucky lucky lucky in Love to

have a cat who loved me! I dressed him up in sweet doll clothes, for

he was my baby darling adorable one. I saved all the best tidbits of

ham or sweet roll or the cream off the milk we got in bottles, and I

would serve my Darling Kittyness of God each day. We were

inseparable, as in, "Oh there's Lucky, and OH! there's Mazie, so

where to find Mazie for supper? Find that Lucky cat a lagging along

after that child."

 

It was a test of every fiber of my Heart-strength to have to go away

for that summer and leave him behind. I begged my Daddy, (for that's

what i called my sweet papa) to allow me to take him with me, but

alas, my Auntie could not be around cats for the reason of an

allergy, (OR SO THEY TOLD ME!)

 

Lucky was left in the care of my family, and I was assured that when I

returned we could take up where we left off in our communal gladness

as kidness loving catness and right on around the circle. So this is

the thing that happened.

 

Ahhh! Life is a Kissing Fool! And I was all open-mouthedInnocence and

bravery and acceptance and insanity at everything ever after about

Life and it all. So, this:

 

I remember it as clearly as this Moment before me Now, I was standing

in the back African make-believe jungle, beneath a gigantic

blue-mauve Hydrangea bush, and it towered over me, and Daddy towered

above me like a giant obelisk blocking out the sun. And the giant

blockage was trying to say something to me but I could not quite make

out and understand anything It was mouthing out at me.

 

I had a Bartlett pear in my hands, half-eaten, the sweet and sticky

juices still clinging to my lips and dripping down my angelic face,

for it was an angelic face! Beloved God had it in mind to try to make

a wicked wild wonder of the future look like a cherubic angelic ray of

Light as a child who would tread upon every sacred valley and every

high and lofty mountain path to find her Beloved One. And this Father

is saying this, for I can finally understand the words the sentence of

utter despair and heartbreak. He said so clearly now, and so filled

with caring and Love -

"Baby Sunshine, your cat got kilt yesterday. Lucky was taken after

playing in the road with another kitty."

 

Then, the Darkness. The Horror, the Despair, the Utter Agony of all

that could ever be imagined as Horror and Pain in a young heart who

trusted in that name, "LUCKY!" I dropped the pear mid-bite, I dropped

to the earth and fainted full away in this revelation that I could

not, could not contain in my tiny Heart-bud vase of Love. For He had

just proclaimed that my Beloved, my best chum and friend had been

snatched into Oblivion, and without so much as a good-by Meow. I

resented everyone, everything, and especially my mother and father

for making me leave my home to stay "inactive." I made a cruel and

spiteful vow in that instant to play so hard, to run so far, to leap

and dance and flip about til my entire body and bones just crumbled

into dust that screamed in pain. I did not care about anything except

Lucky and his sweet memory being held high by my actions of getting

even for this, for this unbelievable Horror of Death and all it filed

my heart with. I knew that there was no death, knew what dying meant,

and yet, I did not give a flip about that, I was grief-stricken and

betrayed and bereft and no one, no one could help me in this Absolute

Aloneness.

 

I learned much at that ten year old mind-crushing thing. Oh so, a cat

died one might say, so what, they do it all the time, and people die

and there's a maybe mind-split, but this, THIS cat was the Beloved

filling in for my Beautiful Beloved One, and he had just been

squashed into a furry platter of frisbeeness.

 

So later i'll tell about my adventure in nearly resurrecting him by

digging up his (most likely) rotting little corpse to hold and to say

"I'm so sorry I left you and forgive me and please come back to

life,"but that is another story all together my Beloveds.

 

 

 

LoveAlways,

 

Mazie

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