Sitting with the teacher

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Sitting with the teacher

 

23rd February (From Daughter of Fire, Irina Tweedie)

 

"He had high fever all day long. But at least he takes some medicine now. At

least, so Virendra told me.

 

So much longing...Last night he had 102 degrees. My heart was aching. What an

agony to sit outside and hear him cough the painful dry cough....am sick with

worry and apprehension. Chowdrie did arrive. Saw Guruji puttering in his room

in the afternoon."

 

*****

 

I have been sitting with the teacher for a while now. It all began when Bob was

admitted to the ICU and is continuing. I remember how Irina Tweedie sat with

Bhai Sahib....both of them ill and in the mystery. She would storm and rage and

pray and he would exemplify the stoic.

 

I find that learning from my husband's cancer is as awful and demanding as

sitting with the guru. Putting Boost in the blender with Ovaltine and drinking

from it like it was going to put some courage on me....no, just extra pounds.

 

What can I convey that does not sound trite and self-pitying? I just try and

hit the highlights of what is going on in the depths of my soul. I lay down on

the bed and Bob wanders in......There's something on the bedspread...your shoes

are dirty." Sure enough, I have tracked in mud. Deja vu. Four years ago it

was dog doody...so I have made some progress.

 

Kwan Yin, Goddess of Mercy and Compassion, manifests ... in the form of a male

nurse who offers anything, but anything that you need. When I asked for coffee,

he rode down with me in the elevator to show me where the best hospital coffee

could be found. A machine that even made espresso.....ah, so good, better than

Boost.

 

I am unveiling myself, unwrapping the grave clothes, the swaddling bands.....who

lies within this cocoon of heavy grace, as Ram Dass calls his suffering. Does

she know what is going on? Will she speak when she gets ready? Or will she be

like Sleeping Beauty and fall right back into the earthly dream? I pray for her

as I would a little child.

 

Vicki Woodyard

http://www.bobwoodyard.com