Guest guest Posted July 27, 2004 Report Share Posted July 27, 2004 Snow White and the Seven Endorphins After falling into a grievous sleep of suffering, I set out to walk it off. I took two turns around the block today to get my endorphins going. I pumped along watching life unfold in front of me. The dry leaves began to fall off the old tree of me and I saw a bluebird light on a traffic sign. "Ah," I said, "that's a good omen. The bluebird of happiness has stuck around." I have been told that I am experiencing anticipatory grief. My husband is out of remission and has just had gall bladder surgery. This, on top of ongoing myeloma, is enough to sink the staunchest emotional ship. One minute I am fine and the next minute I have been plunged into dark, icy waters. The submersion is complete and the flailing arms just make it worse. What can anyone say or do but accept that I am wailing again. I feel like an orphan at Christmas. But back to the endorphins. There are seven of them and one of them is walking. The other six are nameless as yet, but I have a suspicion that another of them is writing. When I talk to someone who is kind enough to stop what they are doing and listen, I am most appreciative. Who knows, perhaps they have permission to feel their own inner burdens a bit more consciously. I am being humbled by the need to cry on the shoulders of strangers, who are angels unaware. There are icy fingers of loneliness gripping me and the sun seems to be behind a cloud of hospital claptrap. But now Bob is home and I am doing this five-finger exercise of talking with whoever may be reading this. I bet you don't mind me unloading on you, do you? Vicki Woodyard http://www.bobwoodyard.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 27, 2004 Report Share Posted July 27, 2004 , "skiplaurel" <vicki@b...> wrote: > Snow White and the Seven Endorphins Namaste V, What can anyone say? When grief has struck me, it was terrible experiences. The only thing that I noticed was that the degree of grief depended on the expectation. The worst was when my little daughter died, this is always terrible for you feel they haven't lived and it isn't right. However as the deaths got up the age graph, estranged wife, father relatives etc, the grief wasn't as bad, for we are conditioned that way. Also, for some deaths, I was into spirituality and knew that there wasn't any death at all, and that they were still around in a way. This may not be of any help but your husband hasn't died yet, and I know it is Dukkha that you are going through. You could die before him nobody promises us tomorrow. You have to think your way through it now. Imagine he is gone and do the things that you would do then. You have to live in the moment, and ask yourself 'Who is doing this suffering and Who dies?' I suppose we can't all be Lance Armstrong, IMO he is an example of karma and that's what it all boils down to. You may have to expand your horizons to doing some or more service work, for when we are thinking of other people we are diverted from ourselves and the ego is weakened. You have to take a cue from your husband, you have had beautiful time together and they are still happening, which ever one of you goes first it is only a moment in time before you are united. Lastly nobody can really say anything, it is what you have to tell yourself. This may give some solace in the long run, just to show death is an illusion even to the unrealised. http://www.geocities.com/aoclery/talkingtodeadEilish.htm Love and Om Namah Sivaya........Tony. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 27, 2004 Report Share Posted July 27, 2004 , "Tony OClery" <aoclery> wrote: > , "skiplaurel" <vicki@b...> > wrote: > > Snow White and the Seven Endorphins > > Namaste V, > > What can anyone say? When grief has struck me, it was terrible > experiences. The only thing that I noticed was that the degree of > grief depended on the expectation. The worst was when my little > daughter died, this is always terrible for you feel they haven't > lived and it isn't right. However as the deaths got up the age > graph, estranged wife, father relatives etc, the grief wasn't as > bad, for we are conditioned that way. Also, for some deaths, I was > into spirituality and knew that there wasn't any death at all, and > that they were still around in a way. > This may not be of any help but your husband hasn't died yet, and I > know it is Dukkha that you are going through. You could die before > him nobody promises us tomorrow. > You have to think your way through it now. Imagine he is gone and do > the things that you would do then. You have to live in the moment, > and ask yourself 'Who is doing this suffering and Who dies?' > I suppose we can't all be Lance Armstrong, IMO he is an example of > karma and that's what it all boils down to. You may have to expand > your horizons to doing some or more service work, for when we are > thinking of other people we are diverted from ourselves and the ego > is weakened. > You have to take a cue from your husband, you have had beautiful > time together and they are still happening, which ever one of you > goes first it is only a moment in time before you are united. > Lastly nobody can really say anything, it is what you have to tell > yourself. > > This may give some solace in the long run, just to show death is an > illusion even to the unrealised. > > http://www.geocities.com/aoclery/talkingtodeadEilish.htm > > Love and Om Namah Sivaya........Tony. Thank you so much for your reply, Tony. Heartfelt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 27, 2004 Report Share Posted July 27, 2004 Thanks for sharing Tony, for all of us. Sometimes all we can do is to be there. Love to all Harsha --- Tony OClery <aoclery wrote: > , "skiplaurel" > <vicki@b...> > wrote: > > Snow White and the Seven Endorphins > > Namaste V, > > What can anyone say? When grief has struck me, it > was terrible > experiences. The only thing that I noticed was that > the degree of > grief depended on the expectation. The worst was > when my little > daughter died, this is always terrible for you feel > they haven't > lived and it isn't right. However as the deaths got > up the age > graph, estranged wife, father relatives etc, the > grief wasn't as > bad, for we are conditioned that way. Also, for some > deaths, I was > into spirituality and knew that there wasn't any > death at all, and > that they were still around in a way. > This may not be of any help but your husband hasn't > died yet, and I > know it is Dukkha that you are going through. You > could die before > him nobody promises us tomorrow. > You have to think your way through it now. Imagine > he is gone and do > the things that you would do then. You have to live > in the moment, > and ask yourself 'Who is doing this suffering and > Who dies?' > I suppose we can't all be Lance Armstrong, IMO he is > an example of > karma and that's what it all boils down to. You may > have to expand > your horizons to doing some or more service work, > for when we are > thinking of other people we are diverted from > ourselves and the ego > is weakened. > You have to take a cue from your husband, you have > had beautiful > time together and they are still happening, which > ever one of you > goes first it is only a moment in time before you > are united. > Lastly nobody can really say anything, it is what > you have to tell > yourself. > > This may give some solace in the long run, just to > show death is an > illusion even to the unrealised. > > http://www.geocities.com/aoclery/talkingtodeadEilish.htm > > Love and Om Namah Sivaya........Tony. > > ===== /join New and Improved Mail - Send 10MB messages! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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