Dreaming Paradise Inside Myself

[Guest guest]

I dreamt I had a glass bottle, and I threw the bottleinto a

slow-moving winter river. The bottle became a ball

as it rolled slowly toward the middle, and it was something like

the color of quicksilver & blacklight-edness coming from inside.

I identified with it, and then the ball that was rolling towards a center

without end became known to myself as being myself, my me, my I.

 

The river froze solid

as the ball rolled across and into the middle of it.

The river then began to crack, and with thatthe synapses began to fire up in fear, in sorrow,

in regret, in an enormous grief, in the belief that I was about to die.

The ball turned from an empty orb into a crystal ball.It began to

break through a sudden crack that had appeared

in the middle of the moving frozen river.Stepping back at the exact

time I wanted to run and stop the ball that was myself from sinking

into the deep,I watched as it began to go beneath the freeze.

 

Suddenly there was a wall and a telephone and a man standingwith his

face pressed left into the white-washed wall. He saidthat the ball

was his. I said that the ball must be his then,

for it had his name engraved in pain upon it. (so the man said.)

I thought it was my name, I saw that it was my name (nameless)

written upon it. I wanted to telephone for help, for someone to come

and make a run into the river and snatch our/my ball back.

 

It went from black to white to crystal to opaque, and the river turned

into a lake, a huge lake with no shores in sight. Even the earth I

stood upon had no edge … there was no horizon

to situate myself, to set myself straight with directions.

I was the lakest non-existent edges, its movement, its cracking river in it,

its shocking shivers being sent up and down the spine

to realize that all the world, and all the things, and beings and

dreams within it, were myself and no other. Lover, Brother, every

Other, the Grey Sky above,the fears hovering mirror-sharp and shining

with a light indistinguishablefrom the Light of Mind that defined the

nde afforded me in 1975’.

 

I was life and death, I was alive and dead at once, and the fear of that,

and the utter ease of acceptance of that, was inside a breathlessness

of being,a deathlessness, and that being the fact of that, being what

was seeing

and what was being seen .... were dreaming themselves up.

 

I awakened in great physical pain. Pain like a heavy-leaded, grey sky,

pain like a frozen-solid river cracking up, like a strange man backed

against a white wall and calling out, shouting out ina silent

voice,“The crystal ball you think is yours, and yourself, is actually

mine, and me.”

 

I dream of rivers and light, and I dream God.I rarely ever dream,

deep-sleeping deeply, but when I dream, I streamthrough consciousness

as Consciousness stream-dreams through me,Me dreaming and seeing

something like, like …. ice-balls of light inside myself,like God

falling as a round, cracking crystal ball through the ice, and I

being that breaking-apart ball and that falling through the frozen

river,and that calling out for help … for help, and the non-answer

back

to the "Help me, help me, God," implorations,for help from some one

when I feared that my life was dying out,and that I was that life

dying in itself,as itself, and to itself.

 

In dying to the struggling to keep this life, to stay alive,and in

falling, dissolving into the light shining bright and brief beneath

the frozen river’s break,in giving in to what windowed in as dreaming

and dreams,the dream woke up. The fractal-cracked actuality of being …

me,the dreamer was seeing that she/he/it/this was and is the stuffthat

all dreams are made of:

 

Shining mind defining itself by dark fear, then coming clear

of that river-cracking act, waking up while still asleep, asleep and awake

at once, and by deep-falling into that crack with ease, in not calling

out to anyone or anything outside myself, for help,well-aware of the

Faire Sweet Bliss fissuring forthin the failsafe sounds abounding,

rounding out and sounding depth,

in a roundless, clear, deathless ball, in falling through, in not falling in ...

In all the world I am, and I am, I am but a drop of a dram of the

Seadreaming me and all life-kind into findings of clouds and ice and

edgeless lakes taking the river home one more time,one last time …

shining the Way by the Light of Mind, divining LightMind through the

Heart I Am.

 

Beautiful Heart! Dreaming death and life into a dreaming me,

then dreaming me coming back from, and back to - I Am That ...

free of the past and its habitue of attracting attributes and states

to display itself inside of, and outside of ... the round ball of Life and Death.

 

Call it Grace to See the Face of God and Love,

coming not from above, not from below, not outside,

but inside mySelf .... inside the Heart.

 

 

 

Sri Ramana Maharshi -

 

“True surrender is love of God for the sake of love and nothing else,

not even for the sake of liberation. Love itself is the actual form

of God. That is pure bliss. Call it pure bliss, God, Self, or what

you will. That is devotion, that is realization and that is

everything. The experience of not forgetting consciousness alone is

the state of devotion which is the relationship of unfading real

love, because the real knowledge of Self, which shines as the

undivided supreme bliss itself, surges up as the nature of love. Only

if one knows the truth of love, which is the nature of the Self, will

the strong entangled knot of life be untied. Only if one attains the

height of love will liberation be attained. The experience of Self is

only love, which is seeing only love, hearing only love, feeling only

love, tasting only love and smelling only love, and this is bliss.

God does not reside in any place other than the Heart. Be sure that

the heart is the Kingdom of Heaven."

...."Reality is at once being and consciousness.To know that is to be

that in the heart, transcending thought.

That which is bliss is verily the Self.Bliss and the Self are one and

identical.That alone is Real.That alone is the real truth.That is the

heart."

 

"That which is the source of all,That in which all live, and that

intowhich all finally merge, is the heart.

 

In the interior of the heart-cave (there)shines alone the one absolute

as the "I - I",verily the consciousness - Self.

 

What is called the heart is no other than the absolute.

Call it by any name, God, Self, the Heart or Seat of Consciousness,it is all the same.

 

The beloved heart alone is the refuge for the rising and subsidingof the "I".

 

The heart is the center of all. That from which beings comeinto

existence is said to be the absolute. That is the heart.

 

The absolute is the heart.

 

The Self is the heart.

 

The heart is the center from which everything springs.

 

The heart is the "Kingdom of God".

 

~Sri Ramana Maharshi

 

As I Am,

Mazie