Guest guest Posted November 12, 2002 Report Share Posted November 12, 2002 dear folks, i would like to share with you a buddhist story.... Sujata and the Seven Types of Wives Sujata came from a wealthy family and was married to the son of Anathapindika. She was arrogant, did not respect others and did not like to listen to the instructions of her husband and his parents. As a result of her attitude there was trouble in the family every day. One day, when the Buddha visited the house of Anathapindika, he heard an unusual uproar in the house and asked what it was about. Anathapindika replied, "Lord, it is Sujata, my daughter-in-law. She does not listen to her mother-in-law, her father-in-law or to her husband. She does not even honour nor pay respect to the Exalted One." The Buddha called Sujata to him and spoke kindly to her, "Sujata, there are seven types of wives a man may have. Which of them are you?" "What are the seven types of wives, Venerable Sir?" asked Sujata. "Sujata, there are bad and undesirable wives. There is a wife who is troublesome. She is wicked, bad tempered, pitiless, and not faithful to her husband." "There is a wife who is like a thief. She wastes the money earned by her husband." "There is a wife who is like a master. She is lazy, and thinks only about herself. She is cruel and lacking in compassion, always scolding her husband or gossiping." "Sujata, there are the good and praiseworthy wives. There is a wife who is like a mother. She is kind and compassionate and treats her husband like her son and is careful with his money." "There is a wife who is like a sister. She is respectful towards her husband, just as a younger sister to her brother, she is modest and obedient to her husband's wishes." "There is a wife who is like a friend. She rejoices at the sight of her husband, just like a friend who has not seen her friend for a long time. She is of noble birth, virtuous and faithful." "There is a wife who is like a handmaid. She behaves as an understanding wife when her shortcomings are pointed out. She remains calm and does not show any anger although her husband uses some harsh words. She is obedient to her husband's wishes." The Blessed one asked, "Sujata, which type of wife are you like, or would you wish to be like?" Hearing these words of the Blessed One, Sujata was ashamed of her past conduct and said, "From today onwards, let the Exalted One think of me as the one in the last example for I'll be a good and understanding wife." She changed her behaviour and became her husband's helper, and together they worked towards enlightenment. source:http://www.buddhanet,net/e-learning/buddhism ****************************************************f olks, here are some questions... could you kindly post your opinion on who an 'deal' wife could be? shoule she be her husband's equal? should she be dominating? or should she let the man wear the pants and just be submissive and be barefoot and pregnant and cook, clean and rear children? well, we have the beautiful story of 'sati' before us.... we ahve the examples of ideal woman like sita, draupadi etc from our great eoics... let us have as many responses as members here ! love and take care Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 12, 2002 Report Share Posted November 12, 2002 Hello there, I read this story over carefully, and the wife that seemed automatically my favorite was the wife who is like a friend. This is who I would want to be, if I were a wife... the next one I liked was the motherish wife, though I hate having boyfriends who want to be mothered! Goodness, I am still young, why do I want to act like a mom. But anyhoo interesting story. I bet the troublesome wife and master-like wife are a defense against having to be a hand-maiden to a man unworthy. The only times I have been wicked, bad tempered, pitiless, and unfaithful is when I was unsatisfied with the relationship. Food for thought.... -Astra Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 13, 2002 Report Share Posted November 13, 2002 Yes, Astra, I agree with you - I would like to think that I am like the wife who is a friend, but you would have to ask my boyfriend! I too have had relationships that were unsatisfying, but I was devoted to them until it was proven that my object of my devotion was unworthy...and then he got the boot! The relationship I am in now has been continually proving itself to be one that is very satisfying in very many ways... Lynne Astra Corvus <astracorvus wrote:Hello there, I read this story over carefully, and the wife that seemed automatically my favorite was the wife who is like a friend. This is who I would want to be, if I were a wife... the next one I liked was the motherish wife, though I hate having boyfriends who want to be mothered! Goodness, I am still young, why do I want to act like a mom. But anyhoo interesting story. I bet the troublesome wife and master-like wife are a defense against having to be a hand-maiden to a man unworthy. The only times I have been wicked, bad tempered, pitiless, and unfaithful is when I was unsatisfied with the relationship. Food for thought.... -Astra shakti_sadhnaa U2 on LAUNCH - Exclusive medley & videos from Greatest Hits CD Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 14, 2002 Report Share Posted November 14, 2002 Do not walk infront of me for I will not follow Do not walk behind me for I will not lead Walk beside me, hold my hand and be my friend ! OM ParaShaktiye Namaha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 16, 2002 Report Share Posted November 16, 2002 Greetings all. Hear is my ideal of what an "ideal wife" would be: - One who does not allow her husband to treat her as a servant. One who fights for her right to be treated at the very least as an equal, but (ideally) a superior to her husband. It is not the ideal wife that should be obedient to her husband's wishes at all, but rather one who is able to satisfactorily guide and lead the husband in life, so that he sees the virtue in following the greater natural Wisdom of Woman. Woman is more sensitive and intuitive than man, she bears a child, the highest of all possible actions, being the bringer of Life itself upon the planes of Parkriti, and is closer to the Goddess (the Source of everything else) thus man, recognizing he is her superior in physical strength, should equally acknowledge his inferiority in almost every other walk in life - especially rulership and decision-making. A mother is the most natural ruler of all and should, in my humble opinion be made the undisputed head of the family. As regards the story as it stands "the Ideal Wife" which basically states that the best wife is one that does what her husband bloody-well tells her (notice that the moral integrity of the husband isn't even considered in the dialogue), all it says to me is that this was written, not by anyone spiritual, but merely by crazied chauvinists in a historically and sociological patriarchal backdrop. It is clearly a corruption of what the Buddha actually said, which was that man (symbolized here as a "wife") in relation to his spiritual spouse, ie. the Truth (to which, if he is a true follower of the Buddha, be married), should be humble, submissive, worshipful and totally obedient. Sorry if this post offends anyone, but the question was posed... In Divine Truth and Light, Elizabeth. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 17, 2002 Report Share Posted November 17, 2002 In a message dated 11/17/2002 9:04:17 AM Eastern Standard Time, VenusCastina33 writes: """Sorry if this post offends anyone, but the question was posed..."""" Don't worry about that with me! I don't really get offended too easily!!! However, I do question a few of your statements like...... """ One who fights > for her right to be treated at the very least as an equal, but (ideally) a > superior to her husband.""" Why ideally superior??? > > """"It is not the ideal wife that should be obedient to her husband's > wishes at > all, but rather one who is able to satisfactorily guide and lead the > husband > in life, so that he sees the virtue in following the greater natural Wisdom > of Woman.""" Why is the wisdom more greater and natural??? I do like the part about not being subservient, but instead being a guide......... > > """"Woman is more sensitive and intuitive than man, she bears a child, the > highest of all possible actions, being the bringer of Life itself upon the > planes of Parkriti, and is closer to the Goddess (the Source of everything > else) thus man, recognizing he is her superior in physical strength, should > equally acknowledge his inferiority in almost every other walk in life - > especially rulership and decision-making. """ Again, I agree with some of it, but the part about me aknowledging my inferiority-Forget It!!!!!! """A mother is the most natural ruler > of all and should, in my humble opinion be made the undisputed head of the > family."""" That, I don't really disagree with and I am very interested to learn more about Matriarchal families/societies and it's a shame there are not too many left! I think perhaps in some places in Africa and possibly Kerala too. Apparently Kerala has a rich and recent tradition of Matriarchal family rule with the woman in charge, this could be worth checking out. Basically from what I know, the men were there to help father children and took a minimal role in their upringing. The women had many "husbands" and they might come over once a week or so alternating shifts and then returning home to sleep in their own house!!! Of course the Christians thought this was an abomination and I think they made steps to outlaw the practice. Old traditions don't die quickly, so there are probably at least many vestiges of this sort of thing there. > """ It is clearly a corruption of what the > Buddha actually said, which was that man (symbolized here as a "wife") in > relation to his spiritual spouse, ie. the Truth (to which, if he is a true > follower of the Buddha, be married), should be humble, submissive, > worshipful > and totally obedient.""" If everyone worked that way there would be more balance and peace in the world, but not neccessarily free of pain either. We are only physical organisms while alive and it's hard not to bow to the power of our instincts and the forces of the physical world. I really don't see violence and war going away anytime soon and often think that in a way these things are quite natural for us since we are animals!!! What to do?? If one adopts a totally passive spiritual/philosophic view then sadly there will be someone lacking that who comes and takes what the other has by force!!! For me balance is essentially the right path and the practice is seeking that balance. If I were too spiritually motivated my body and the physical world would have less of me! I wouldn't be able to survive in America as a Sadhu unless I was truly blessed!!! On the flipside, if I were overly materialistic I would be blind to rational thought and would quickly be devoured by the many daemons of instinct and passion that grip me! I am often amazed at how disgusting my thoughts are! This is honesty friends- I think about all kinds of material pleasure A LOT, but you know what, I try not to act on every impulse and focus my mind turning the energy to something greater. I am an animal!!! What else can I do but try my best to focus my life into a productive event. Balance for me is crucial and I worship the Mother because I seek the liberation it brings from all dualities. This was my only problem with your post. Amongst the seeds of wisdom there was a sexist leaning towards women. I love women! Don't get me wrong, but there are a lot of stupid women out there!!! Oh yes, I know there is certainly a plethora of stupid men!! No time to be critical now, most people are dumb! Why worry about them, when you try to change people it usually isn't very good. I think self-empowerment is the key and then using that power to further the will of life. I generally liked your post, but the female domination part seemed a little irrational. Female domination might be fun for Tantric or S/M scenarios, but I want freedom and don't want to be controlled by anybody! > > > > . > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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