Rudra Joe

[Guest guest]

Namaste_()_

Your post touched me in so many levels. Thank you for being so

personal and clear about what i should be doing. You are very true in

saying that i should be just giving up . Giving up on my fears. my

expectations. why sit moping about today , yesterday and what i may

not have tommorrow !? I at age 22 , do not know in which direction i

should take my life! I know I am here for a purpose , but still dont

know what it is. I hope you understand what i mean. I know too well

the feeling of isolation, i have lived through it always. In the

physical it has been just me and myself. But the divine mother has

always stopped me from taking extreme measures or going into the

wrong path in my younger days. She has always told me that i am here

for a purpose , and maybe it might take days or years for me realise

what it is, but i will.

I use my dance , writing and more recently my paintings to express my

various emotions. My prayers play a vital role in combatting my

fears, and so does my MOTHER ( who i see as the divine mother).

You speak of expectations and not having them.......but i am in love.

And i will not hide it. I celebrate all my emotions, and i do not

know how to be diplomatic! If I am in love , is it not natural to

foster some expectation in ur heart? do you know the pain of not

having ur love returned ? or not wanted ? i am reminded now of

something that my father wud tell me when i wud ask him why my mother

died when i was 3 and why my stepmom is making my life

miserable ..........he wud say ,"if life was perfect and we got all

we wanted, then what is the need for god?" . I never knew how to

respond to that statement of his. I will give up my fears and

expectations.........i need to. But I will not give up my feelings.

Knowing the tribulations of love, i will allow everything to come in

and go, and take everything that comes with it with great courage.

But I will not give up on my feelings, just as I will not give up on

learning.

I will also NOT let myself sink into depression and not do anything .

Because Rudrajoe , it will just take me back to where i started from.

As for a sense of belonging , i need to learn that I do belong, I

belong to the Universe , I belong to the divine mother , and in her

manifestations i belong to all her children and every creature. My

heart is open , and if the person wishes to share my love , he need

not have to be asked to.

Once again Rudrajoe ur words touched me. Thank you_()_

Love and Blessings

Sudha.