On Sudha Sadness

[Guest guest]

Dear Sudha,

 

I, at age 37, am only starting to find myself, and my niche in this world,

and after a very long quest, and amidst much feelings of alienation, for

which I abused drugs for many many years. Finally my self abuse was going

to reach the depths of dispair and kill me and In my sorrow at all the

things I encountered that propelled me to be destructive, I gave up. I just

gave up, and decided to meditate and just let it all go. It was no use

holding on any longer to anything, not to my hopes and dreams or sorrows and

fears, not to yesterday, today, or tomorrow. I gave it all up, and

meditate. I don't sit and mope however, as I still feel guilt at doing

nothing. Rather, I practice meditation, take long baths, listen to nice

music, take time to paint, write, and study silly and pointless things, and

spend long hours chanting.

 

And I finally have found my place - basically, within is all. No external

needs, no great wants, no tremendous worries. It has been said that when

one finds themselves free from most engagements then that is the perfect

time to spend in meditation. I have often thought of the imagery of Jesus

crucified as pertaining to the crux of the human situation as always being

between the rock and the hard place. I think he lived an analogy out. The

analogy being that of the human being at the juncture of paradox, basically

just having to give up all the various dualities and just be free. One can

find in advaita that one first gives up everything and then begins to

realize that we are part of the big ALL which was never ours in the

firstplace. Therefore, nothing would have ever conformed to our beliefs or

wishes, at least not perfectly. So having expectations was in fact going to

be self destructive.

 

In perception, we focus on what seems most pleasant, but when things lose

their savor then what? I suggest letting the senses just clear out away

from all objects, and you might find in a while, that they are more fine and

able to sense the more discrete levels of the object. What does this mean?

When the senses clear, from giving up, they discover more relish, so also

the mind, so also the being. I suggest that just giving up is the whole key

to transcendence of troubles. Buddha reached nirvana after many years of

penances, and then just giving up and eating, and meditating.

 

Sorrow can be a great help to meditation. Though sorrow and depression are

different. A joke I recently read said, "Depression is merely anger without

enthusiasm." Sorrow however, is a vision of how things really are, and a

motive force for seeing through and beyond them. The nature of life is

change, and death, and sorrowful as it is it is best to know this and seek

the truth that underlies things. Only one who does such seeking can find an

abstract and lasting peace of mind. Otherwise our pleasures seem rather

contrived and temporary don't cha think? Do you ever see people enjoying

themselves full tilt and think they look like spoiled rotten brats with no

sense? Pleasures of today are nice but only the deeper spiritual peace found

through meditation and self study can bring real content to our little

momentary joys. Inner content equals contentment.

 

So my recommendation was twofold, (a) just give up, and keep reminding

yourself that it's ok to take time out, while not just doing nothing or

sinking into depression, and (b) learn to meditate. Find something

wholistic, and non-cultish, and do some deep meditation while you have the

free time to do it.

 

Sorrow can be a great motive force for self discovery. At my age I am now

beginning to realize my past lives, and I am having a return to my real

spiritual roots. It only took me 25 years of self study! But no matter

on the path of millions of lives. What matters 25 years, when looking at

millions. Let this time of sorrow be productive for self refinement and put

off for tomorrow the lesser cares and woes. Take Care.