Balancing Between Cultures

[Guest guest]

The "News Journal" of Wilmington, Delaware, USA, a few days ago

published this article, "Balancing between cultures: Indian-American

youth keep traditions alive," by staff reporter Murali Balaji.

 

Feb. 28, 2004: When 18-year-old Nikhil Neelkantan of Newark got his

driver's license, the first place he drove was the Hindu Temple in

Hockessin for reflection and prayer. Since then, he has gone to the

temple every week, surprising his father, Neel, who emigrated from

India 35 years ago.

 

"When we grew up in India, the first thing you did when you got

something was you go and pray," said Neel Neelkantan, who said he

didn't expect his son to do the same in the United States.

Neelkantan said he was surprised that his son has embraced a

tradition that is common in India, but not here.

 

Nikhil Neelkantan is one of thousands of young Indian-Americans in

Delaware trying to balance the customs of their South Asian homeland

with the vastly different modern culture of America.

 

While many young Indian-Americans were once quick to shed time-

honored traditions of India for American ways, more are now

increasingly achieving a balance between their two worlds, in large

part because of the recent explosion of Indian pop culture in

America.

 

The British film "Bend It Like Beckham," which showcased an Indian

family's struggle between tradition and acceptance, scored big with

American audiences. And Indian movies such as "Laagan" and "Monsoon

Wedding" have been hits in the United States, clearing the way for

India's movie industry, known as Bollywood, to export more such

films to the West.

 

Artists such as Jay-Z, Missy Elliott and Timbaland have combined

their hip-hop styles with Indian beats to make Top 40 music that is

striking a chord.

 

Suddenly, being Indian is "hip," teens and experts said.

 

"There's something about Indian movies and Indian music that gives

me a feeling I don't get from American music," said Shalini

Neelkantan, Nikhil's twin sister. "I feel proud of being Indian."

 

Local high schools and colleges such as the University of Delaware

host dances where Bhangra, folk music with contemporary beats that

originated in Punjab, ring through the halls. On weekends, young

Indian-Americans can watch Indian music videos and movies on a local

cable channel and listen to popular Hindi songs during Raga, a two-

hour program on the UD radio station.

 

S. Mitra Kalita, author of "Suburban Sahibs," a book examining the

impact of Indian immigration on New Jersey, said the desire of young

Indian-Americans to connect with their Indian culture has a lot to

do with Indian influences in American pop culture.

 

"It's not a coincidence that being Indian is suddenly en vogue,"

Kalita said.

 

Indian-Americans are one of the fastest growing ethnic groups in the

country, increasing from 800,000 in 1990 to roughly 1.9 million

today. The Indian-American population in Delaware has nearly tripled

in the last decade, up from 2,200 in 1990 to nearly 6,000 in 2003,

with most living in the northern part of New Castle County,

according to census data.

 

Several Indian restaurants and grocery stores have opened in the

county. The Hindu Temple in Hockessin opened in 2001, becoming a

social and cultural gathering place for many Indian-Americans.

 

Indians also are among the most affluent of any ethnic group, with a

median income of about $62,000 a year, compared with the U.S.

average of $38,000, according to the census.

 

That affluence means many young Indian-Americans have the

opportunity to travel to India and learn about their heritage

firsthand.

 

Manjul Asthana, a Newark psychologist who heads the Indo-American

Association of Delaware youth group, said the more exposure young

people have to their culture, the more pride they will take in it.

 

Asthana, who has lived in Delaware since 1973, recalled that in the

late 1980s and early 1990s, her daughter, Shivika, and other young

Indians would shy away from their heritage because they wanted to be

accepted as Americans.

 

"They didn't want to be seen as different," Asthana said.

 

The desire of young Indian-Americans to be accepted as Americans

often clashed with their parents' goal of maintaining Indian

traditions. Indian parents were less likely to allow their children

to participate in activities considered American, recalled Shivika.

 

A former member of the rock group, Papas Fritas, Shivika Asthana,

30, said as a teen she would sneak out for dates and parties.

 

She said her parents didn't allow her to participate in sleepovers

with friends, and she had to take Indian dance lessons and learn to

play the sitar, an Indian string instrument.

 

"My life centered around the Indian community," Shivika recalled. "I

wasn't trying to do that. It happened by default."

 

She said her parents wanted her to have an arranged marriage, a

tradition in India, and get a professional job. She joined a rock

band, instead. "It took my parents a little convincing, but they

accepted it," she said.

 

Her band, which broke up two years ago, released three CDs and had

one of their songs played in a TV commercial. Shivika is now a

freelance Web developer in Boston.

 

Better educational and economic opportunities are the reasons many

Indians immigrated to the United States beginning in the late 1960s.

Many came to Delaware for graduate studies at UD and Goldey-Beacom

College or to work at corporations such as DuPont. Others came to

work as doctors or to start their own businesses.

 

Many Indian parents limit or prohibit their children from

participating in activities that distract them from academics and

the goal of a successful career. Dinesh and Daisy Rawlley of

Middletown said they have encouraged their children to take part in

extra-curricular activities but emphasize academics first.

 

"My parents expect nothing less than A's when I come home," said

Eshawn Rawlley, a sophomore who plays soccer and tennis at Tatnall

High School in Greenville. "It makes me want to perform well."

 

Dinesh Rawlley, Eshawn's father, said the same was expected of him

growing up in Punjab, a state in India. "My parents put an emphasis

on studies - nothing else," Dinesh Rawlley said.

 

But raising children in the United States, means making room for

social activities, he said.

 

The Rawlleys recently returned from a two-week trip to India to

visit relatives.

 

"Here, we spend more time with our kids, but we bring them up with

some of the values we grew up with," Rawlley said.

 

Dinesh and Daisy Rawlley insist on the family having dinner together

every Friday. They often watch Hindi language movies and discuss

family issues, which they credit for keeping the family close-knit

and culturally in-touch.

 

"We try to tell our kids, 'You are lucky to have two cultures - pick

the best out of both,' " said Dinesh Rawlley, who works for Playtex

in Dover.

 

Like many Indian parents, the Rawlleys speak their mother tongue -

Hindi - along with English at home to keep their children fluent in

their native language.

 

The Rawlleys' daughter, Ashley, said she translates Hindi words used

in American songs for her friends.

 

"They want to know what some of these words mean and it's cool being

able to tell them," she said.

 

For many young Indian-Americans, dating is the primary area where

they find themselves in a tug of war between the expectations of

their traditional parents, many of whom did not date when they were

young, and those of their contemporary American peers.

 

"I disagree with how our parents have raised us sometimes," said Jay

Mittal, 18, of Hockessin about growing up in a strict

household. "But when we're in college and our parents are here, they

can trust us because we respect their values."

 

Asthana said children who grow up respecting the importance of

education, faith and Indian history without having it forced on them

are more likely to keep their heritage as they grow older.

 

"Our kids have a lot of strength in dealing with two cultures,"

Asthana said.

 

Sadhana and Ashok Pasricha of Hockessin encourage their daughters,

Sarina, 20, and Meghan, 17, to take part in Indian activities such

as Bharatnatyan - a South Indian dance - and Indian classical music,

along with American activities. Meghan is a trained classical Indian

dancer, the co-captain of the girls' golf team at Sanford School in

Hockessin and a black-belt in karate.

 

In the Pasrichas' home are pictures of Hindu gods, imported artwork

from India and Rolling Stones albums.

 

"We realized that if we didn't incorporate what our children wanted,

this family wasn't going to be successful," Sadhana Pasricha

said. "We also wanted them to know that there is a place for Indian

culture in their lives."

 

URL:

http://www.delawareonline.com/newsjournal/local/2004/02/28balancingbe

twee.html